In My Life
by Funnygrrl
Summary: Pacey and Joey never quite worked out. He married the love of his life and had two great children. Life is good until Pacey's wife is given a fatal diagnosis. See how Joey makes a place in their lives. Oher surprises lurk.


In My Life  
  
Part 1  
  
~*~  
  
There are places I remember,  
  
All my life, though some have changed,  
  
Some forever, not for better,  
  
Some have gone and some remain,  
  
All these places had their moments,  
  
With lovers and friends I still can recall,  
  
Some are dead and some are living,  
  
In my life I've loved them all.  
  
But of all these friends and lovers,  
  
There is no one compared with you,  
  
And these memories lose their meaning,  
  
When I think of love as something new.  
  
Though I know I'll never lose affection,  
  
For people and things that went before,  
  
I know I'll often stop and think about them,  
  
In my life I'll love you more.  
  
Though I know I'll never lose affection,  
  
For people and things that went before,  
  
I know I'll often stop and think about them,  
  
In my life I'll love you more.  
  
In my life I'll love you more.  
  
John Lennon  
  
~*~  
  
"I'm so glad you could make it Jo. It's important that we're all here." Jack sighed as he gave Jo a hug.  
  
Joey gave a weak smile. "I'm just glad I could be here."  
  
In fact Joey was not glad that she was home in Capeside. She knew she had to be here though. At 32, she'd been away from Capeside for fourteen years with few visits in that time. This whole idea of coming home was Dawson and Andie's idea. A week before she had gotten a phone call.  
  
It was early morning in London. Jo was soundly sleeping next to her boyfriend, Ian Grant. Ian was the extremely hunky, British lead singer of the hot rock band, Blaze. The two  
  
had a pretty intense relationship. Ian was as or more wordy and poetic than Jo. They could talk all day and make love all night. She loved his passion.  
  
It was in those early morning hours that the bedside phone rang. Ian answered, "Grant."  
  
Jo could feel him nudging her arm. She turned to look in his direction. He handed her the cordless phone.  
  
"Hello," Jo stifled a yawn.  
  
"Jo, it's Dawson."  
  
"Dawson? You do know that it is 5:30 in the morning here, right?"  
  
"Sorry. I wanted to catch you before I headed to lunch." He said suddenly remembering the time difference. (I'm not really sure if England runs on a six hour time difference, I figured it did because France does...hmm)  
  
"What is so important?"  
  
"It's about Pacey and Emma."  
  
Jo let out a sigh. "Give me a minute okay." She got up out of bed and went into the front room. Jo lit up a cigarette and then put the phone back to her ear. "So what's going on  
  
with them? Another baby? Divorce?"  
  
"Jo, don't joke." Dawson said suddenly very serious and solemn. "Emma called Jen the other day. She was diagnosed with lymphoma two weeks ago. It doesn't look good because they  
  
didn't find it soon. She's in some middle stage of it, I'll be damned if I can remember which one. Anyway Jack called Andie and I to tell us. Jack wants us all to rally in Capeside next week.  
  
You up for it?"  
  
"She's going to die?" Jo asked deep in thought barely hearing Dawson.  
  
"I don't know Jo. She started radiation therapy this week. I guess that sounds promising." Dawson said hating the lack of knowledge he had on the situation.  
  
"And Pacey? Have you talked to him?"  
  
"No. I guess he's pretty torn up. We can only imagine what hearing that your wife has cancer can do to a person. Jack said that Emma is actually taking it much better than Pace but  
  
he's trying to keep up a strong front."  
  
"Sounds like Pacey. Count me in Dawson."  
  
"You okay?" Emma Worthington-Witter asked her husband as she made her way out onto the deck.  
  
"I'm fine." Pacey pulled her into his lap. "Why would you think there is something wrong?"  
  
"You were awful quiet tonight."  
  
"Sorry. I guess I am a little pissed at Jen and Jack for dragging everyone here. I don't think you need a million visitors." He sighed.  
  
Emma ruffled his hair back. "You worry too much. It'll be nice to have some friends around Pace. Beside just think how long it has been since we've seen everyone. Andie and Dawson are going to bring Kat, we haven't seen them since last Christmas. I know that Gracie and Owen will love to see them."  
  
"Always the voice of reason." He smiled. It was when Emma smiled he remembered how he had fallen for her.  
  
It was the summer of 2000 and Pacey Witter had been unlucky in love. His first love Andie McPhee had cheated on him, breaking his heart. Then of all things he fell for his best friend  
  
Dawson's own girl Friday, Joey Potter. What a terrible mistake that had been for him. Joey chose the safety of Dawson's friendship and Capeside over a romantic and adventurous summer  
  
of sailing on his boat. Her decision left him devastated. Pacey thought there was no getting over Josephine Potter until the funny, sweet and beautiful Emma Worthington moved to Capeside.  
  
It seemed like a miracle that someone like Emma was even vaguely interested in him. They became fast friends and finally became coupled in the fall of their senior year. The relationship endured and they went to Boston University together. Pacey was prelaw and Emma majored in Early Childhood Education. They married at twenty three.  
  
Two years later Pacey would pass the Massachusetts Bar Exam and find himself instantly a partner in a small but prestigious Boston law firm. Emma longed to leave Boston though for a quieter life. She got a job as a third grade teacher at Capeside Elementary School. Pacey bought her a house there and commuted the hour and a half to Boston every day. He would do anything  
  
to make her happy.  
  
Both Pacey and Emma were thrilled when she gave birth to their first child, Grace Isabelle Witter. Later they would be blessed with a second child, Owen Douglas Witter. Their children were their lives.  
  
The prospect of losing his wife scared Pacey to no end. He couldn't help but think back to when she told him two weeks prior.  
  
They had just finished reading Grace and Owen their bedtime stories. Pacey and Emma retired to their room for the night.  
  
"Pace we need to talk." She said quietly. Pacey sat on the bed next to her.  
  
"Is everything okay?"  
  
"I went to the doctor the other afternoon. I've been having some headaches and just feeling kind of weird. And he ran some tests."  
  
"Are we having baby number three?" He asked with a large grin.  
  
A tear slipped down Emma's face suddenly. Now he was concerned. "No baby Pace. Just let me say this. The tests came back showing lymphoma. It's a type of cancer in the lymph  
  
nodes. There aren't a lot of symptoms and sometimes there are none."  
  
"You have cancer?" He questioned unable to wrap his mind around that fact.  
  
She nodded. "They didn't catch it early either. I have a later form because there was no way to tell I had it."  
  
"But you'll get better. There are ways to treat this right?"  
  
"Yes. I start radiation in the next week or so." Emma said as she hung her head down and cried.  
  
"We're gonna make you better baby. Okay, you hear me?" Pacey grabbed her into his arms and let himself cry with her. He had no intentions of losing the woman he had made his life.  
  
"Breathe that air in." Jen said looking to Jack.  
  
"Mmm, fresh air. I've been living in New York too long, I'm beginning to forget what air without pollutants, car fumes and garbage smells like." Jack said as he sat on a picnic table. Jack  
  
and Jen opted to drive to Capeside. They were now taking a lunch break.  
  
"We should think of moving to the Hamptons." Jen said suddenly.  
  
"The Hamptons? Are we retiring?" Jack asked.  
  
"No but the city life is getting to be such a grind. I don't know after talking to Emma I want to stop and appreciate life a little more."  
  
"I think we fully appreciate life."  
  
"We've slowed down. Especially since Chase but we're still running ourselves ragged Jack. Look at me, I'm thirty-two Jackers, I have no husband, no baby and no signs of finding one  
  
anytime soon. Look at us we're both lonely."  
  
"I'm not lonely, I have you. And I'm not looking for love. I had that with Chase and nothing can compare to that." Jack closed his eyes for a moment to conjure up a happy image of Chase standing tall on a cliff. It was one of the last times they'd been rock climbing. After that Chase had come down with pneumonia and gone from an HIV positive status to having full blown  
  
AIDS. Losing the love of his life happened too quickly with little time for goodbye. Two years later the pain was still as fresh.  
  
"You have to move on with your life Jack. Chase would be the first to chastize you for the celibate state you've been in. I don't expect either of us to just up and find love in the next  
  
few weeks I just want to slow down. I look at Dawson and Andie. They both have these amazing careers and a beautiful daughter. Ditto for Emma and Pacey. You've seen them together. They make me want more from life. I envy what they have."  
  
Jack nodded. "I do too sometime. But for right now running our little business makes me happy." The business Jack was referring to was anything but small. An Event to Remember had started out as a small catering business for Jack and Jen. Within three years they became an event planning firm. Now they hosted and planned parties for celebrities, politicians and blue blooded East Coasters.  
  
Jen looked down at her watch. "I guess we have to table this discussion for now but don't think I'm forgetting about it. If we don't get moving we'll be late to pick Jo up from the airport."  
  
Jack looked to his own watch and then packed their cooler back up. He placed it in the back of the rented car. Jen chose to drive.  
  
"Is the yellow guest room okay?" Dawson asked Andie.  
  
She only nodded. Andie busied herself with taking Kat's sweater off. She knew it didn't matter much to Dawson what room they stayed in at his parent's house. He'd probably find some  
  
excuse to fall asleep on the couch or something. It had been weeks since they had shared peaceful sleep in the same bed.  
  
Things between the two of them were strained. Life had gotten in the way. They weren't crazy college kids who went to film revivals together, drank martini's and made love all night. It  
  
had been a long time since they'd been that carefree.  
  
Dawson and Andie had been living in California since college. Dawson had attended UCLA for business. Andie had gone to Stanford and majored in psychology. Somehow she ended up managing her roommate's acting career. That led to her becoming a successful  
  
Hollywood agent. Of course Dawson had helped.  
  
Majoring in business came about in Dawson's sophomore year. He had originally gone to New York with Jack, Jen and Joey to major in film direction at NYU. After he and Joey went through a painful split he escaped to UCLA. It was there he made contacts in the film industry.  
  
Dawson learned about financing movies. Last year he was named the CEO of Titan Studios. Both Mr. and Mrs. Dawson Leery had become major players in Hollywood.  
  
It wasn't until Andie had miscarried just before Thanksgiving that they had begun to grow apart. They were both incredibly hyped up over the idea of another child. When it didn't work out they immersed themselves heavily into their work. As of late Dawson had taken to sleeping on the couch while reviewing papers or doing something "important" on his laptop. The only thing the couple could agree on lately was that they were dedicated to their careers and even more devoted to their daughter, Kathryn.  
  
Andie feared that divorce was imminent. Now that Pacey and Emma were going through this awful thing they had agreed to come to Capeside to rally around their friends. An unspoken agreement took place between the Leery's. Neither of them would let on that there were any marital problems between them. This wasn't the time to air their dirty laundry. Once Emma was out of the woods maybe then they would discuss the disintegration of their marriage.  
  
"Daddy when do we go to Uncle Pacey's?" The four year old asked.  
  
Noting Andie's could response to him all day he responded, "Not soon enough kiddo, not soon enough."  
  
"Thank you for flying United." The perky, first class stewardess said to Joey as she exited the plane.  
  
Joey gave her a half smile. The flight had been a long one. She had hardly noticed though. Joey spent most of the time doing research via the internet. She wanted to know about lymphoma. Most of what she read left her uneasy.  
  
It wasn't as though Joey and Emma were the best of friends. Emma had tried many times to reach out to her but Jo found it uncomfortable to become bosom buddies with the man she had  
  
once loved's wife. There were many times Joey wished that Emma would just disappear from the equation. Usually it was when Jo spent half the night up, working, drinking, smoking, and having  
  
Pacey talk her through a break up or some other crisis. Never did she wish for her death.  
  
Emma had everything Joey believed she, herself never wanted. She had a home, was a schoolteacher, respected in the community, two beautiful children and Pacey. Joey would never tell a soul but sometimes she could see herself playing on the beach with her and Pacey's children. She would always be holding the little boy in her arms as Pacey swung their daughter around until she begged to be put on solid ground.  
  
Joey was glad Pacey had found what he needed. It was taking Jo a long time to do that. She left Capeside fourteen years ago to make something of herself. NYU gave her the freedom to experiment. Joey found that as much as she loved the fine arts that photography was enthralling.  
  
Once she graduated she loaded up her camera and took off to Europe. She had no plans, no idea of what she would photograph. It wasn't until she had returned to New York that she had found her  
  
calling.  
  
Jen had called Joey one night inviting her to a party that her little business had provided the food for. It just so happened that the editor of Rolling Stone was there. After a night of too much alcohol and some grass they had gotten to talking. The next morning a brand new camera with a designer case, a dozen roses and a manilla folder was delivered to her apartment. Joey was being  
  
offered a job to become a photojournalist. Inside the folder was her first assignment. Joey remembered that feeling of extreme elation. It wasn't something she had felt in a very long time.  
  
Jo looked around the airport until her eyes fell upon Jack and Jen.  
  
"I'm so glad you could make it Jo. It's important that we're all here." Jack sighed as he gave Jo a hug.  
  
Joey gave a weak smile. "I'm just glad I could be here."  
  
~*~  
  
"Were you able to pick up everything you'll need for the grill?" Emma asked Pacey as she looked into the refrigerator.  
  
"Everything. I wish you would sit down and relax." He said. Emma had insisted on having everyone over in the backyard this evening after they had gotten in. He didn't want her participating in any activities that would tire her out.  
  
Emma turned to look at him very seriously. "Pace I love that you're concerned. If I don't feel well then I'll excuse myself. But Pace the moment I start letting this run my life and I stop doing the things I love well then it's won. And I won't let it win Pacey, I have to much to fight for."  
  
He took her into his arms. "I know, I'm sorry. I don't want to take any control over your life, I just want you to be okay."  
  
"I'm okay. As long as I have you and Owen and Gracie, I'm okay." Emma stepped back from him. They shared a smile.  
  
Suddenly their six year old daughter, Grace came running into the room with four year old Owen trailing. "Mommy, mommy, when is Kat getting here?" She asked anxiously.  
  
Pacey grabbed her up into his arms as she ran by him. "Kat's coming? Hmmm, Mom did we say that Gracie can play with Kat tonight." He teased her.  
  
"Yes Daddy. Mommy told me I could." Gracie exclaimed with panic in her voice.  
  
"Calm down Gracie, Daddy is just kidding with you." Emma said to quell her daughters fears as she picked up Owen and placed him on the counter. "Look at you buddy, we'd better tie those shoe laces before you trip over them."  
  
"No!" Owen proclaimed loudly. "I want do it."  
  
"I'll tell you what, why don't Gracie and I try to show you how to tie shoes. Would you like that?" Emma asked. He nodded. "Gracie, want to help me teach your little brother how to tie his shoes?"  
  
"Yes, I want to teach him." She said anxiously as Pacey let her down from his arms.  
  
He watched the three of them over at the counter. Emma and Grace tied and untied Owen's shoes. It made Pacey incredibly happy and warm to watch his children and wife interact. He knew just how lucky he was. At one point Emma looked up at him and shared a look with him that said she was thinking the same thing.  
  
Emma was a goddess to Grace and Owen. They loved her long, curly blonde hair, emerald eyes and white smile as much as he did. It wasn't only her beautiful exterior but her kind heart that people gravitated to. Grace was so much like Em. At six she had the same thick ringlets but her Daddy's bright blue eyes. Owen was Pacey at age four. They could have been twins at that age. He was also just as mischevious as his father had been.  
  
"So Mr. Witter are you going to stand around all night or are you going to set up that grill?" She smiled at him.  
  
Pacey snapped out of his thoughts. He saluted her like an army officer. "Yes Ma'am."  
  
Guilt consumed Joey as she dressed to go to Pacey's. When she had gotten to the Bed and Breakfast she realized how long it had been since she'd visited last. Bessie, Bodie and Alexander were all happy to see her though. She hardly expected a seventeen year old Alexander to answer the door. Honestly she was looking forward to buying him a Harry Potter book and a new video game and chatting about little league. He wasn't twelve anymore though.  
  
Instead he was too busy to talk. Alexander had a hot date. Not only was he into girls but he just got his first car, an ear pierced, played football and loved Limp Bizkit. Jo was floored by the change. It made her feel old. Maybe that was because she'd been living the dream life of every seventeen year old kid. She toured with rock bands, had Lenny Kravitz on speed dial, babysat for Madonna on occasion and slept with Ian Grant. Joey did not feel thirty two years old...until now.  
  
She looked at herself in the mirror. Jo decided on a simple pair of blue jeans, a princess sleeved sweater and black boots. She made a mental note to buy some ultra casual, less trendy threads for Capeside. It was always more J.Crew here than Versace.  
  
After she lit up a cigarette, grabbed the pasta salad Bessie had made for her to take over, and fixed her makeup up at least a dozen times she left the house. It was a ten minute walk to the Witter's. She was glad to have the time to compose herself.  
  
~*~  
  
Andie and Dawson were the first to arrive. Everyone was so happy to see each other. They had been at the Witter's for less than fifteen minutes when Kat, Gracie and Owen scampered off together. Dawson and Pacey convened around the grill. Andie followed Emma in to help.  
  
"What can I do for you Emma?" She asked with a smile.  
  
"You know I think I have just about everything done. If you want to grab some of those salads and bring them out I'd appreciate it."  
  
Andie nodded. She was going to turn to walk out and then stopped short. "How are you feeling?"  
  
"I'm doing okay, not perfect, but okay." Emma assured Andie. After that Andie headed out the backdoor and to the yard. Emma heard more voices and the children went running wild moments after Andie's exit.  
  
"You look great sis," Jack was saying to Andie. He had Kat in his arms but still managed a hug for his little sister.  
  
"Hey you," Jen grabbed Emma. "I missed you."  
  
Emma felt some relief that her best friend was in town. The two had gotten very close in high school. Jen and Jack were Gracie's godparents. "I missed you too. Look how great you look. New do?" Emma asked about Jen's hair.  
  
"The coif? You like? I forced to her get rid of the hideous New England housewife bob." Jack laughed as he put Kat down. He gave Emma a kiss on the cheek. "As for you pretty lady, you look great. I don't think you've put on an ounce since graduation."  
  
"Liar. The only reason I'm not as big as a house is I have two children at home to run around after and a classroom of twenty at school."  
  
"Who said being a third grade teacher wasn't glamourous?" Pacey laughed as he wrapped his arms around Em's middle.  
  
"Speaking of glamour, didn't your firm just take care of that case with that porn company? You know the one where the guy got killed during the bondage scene?" Dawson asked.  
  
"Yeah, it wasn't me though. Eugene Young took care of that one."  
  
"Particular reason you're so interested Dawson? Titan going to make a porn film or do a film on the crime?" Jack asked with a grin.  
  
"Neither. Making conversation. I do want to hear about our young law partners exploits though." Dawson said. He couldn't help but to think how lucky they all were. Every soul in this backyard had fabulous careers that they controlled. He was at Titan, Pacey at Donnell, Frutt, Young, Dole, Washington and Witter. Dawson couldn't help but feel life was as it should be.  
  
As friendly banter took place Jo came into the yard. Before she could make it all the way in she wanted to go back home, all the way home, to London. Instead Emma spotted her on the way to the kitchen.  
  
"Jo, you made it," Emma gave her a smile.  
  
"Yeah, sorry I'm late." Jo said now gripping the pasta salad more tightly.  
  
"You're not late at all. I'm glad you could come." Emma said quietly. Jo felt as though she might say something important but it never came. "Well come on in, the gang's all here. If you excuse me I'll be in the kitchen a minute."  
  
Quickly Emma retreated to the kitchen. She watched Joey hug and kiss their various friends. Finally she got to Pacey. The two shared an exchange that both warmed and broke Em's heart. After they had a few hushed words Pacey seemed to loosen up a bit.  
  
Emma never fooled herself into believing that Pace or Jo no longer had feelings for each other. She knew that Pacey loved her, truly loved her but she also knew that Pacey had this profound love for Joey. Never did she feel competition with this woman or hatred. In fact she respected Jo. This woman was smart, living this fantasy life, traveling the globe and it didn't hurt that she was drop dead gorgeous.  
  
Before she knew just how long she'd been standing in the kitchen, staring out at her friends in the yard she felt hands on her shoulders. "Are we going to stand here all night?" Her husband whispered in her ear.  
  
Em shook her head. "No. I was just enjoying the view. Thinking about how happy I am."  
  
Pacey let his lips softly kiss her neck. His hands roamed her body freely as she leaned back against him. A small sigh escaped Em's lips. She turned so that she could kiss his mouth. Just as their lips touched the back door opened.  
  
"I'm so sorry." Andie said suddenly.  
  
Pacey and Emma looked to each other and laughed. "I feel like we just got caught by my mom," Emma giggled and broke Pacey's embrace. Andie couldn't help but laugh along with them. "Out of my kitchen Witter."  
  
Pacey threw his hands up in defeat. "I'm gone. Besides I left Dawson and Jack in front of the grill, scary thought, I know."  
  
"God, the two of you are still like teenagers." Andie said with a sigh. She wished Dawson found her that irresistable.  
  
"Well Pacey may be a grown up to the rest of the world but he'll always be eighteen to me."  
  
"I can't believe you're dating Ian Grant. It kills me." Jen said looking to Joey.  
  
"He's honestly a sweet guy. Very passionate."  
  
"I'll bet. It doesn't hurt that he has a chiseled body and that face," Jack chimed in. "I would definitely start dating again if I had that in New York."  
  
"You haven't started dating again?" Andie asked as she carried a bucket of ice. Emma followed her with the wine.  
  
Jack realized his slip up. He didn't want it to become common knowledge that he hadn't dated since Chase. "Andie please don't get on me about this."  
  
"Jackers I love you. There's no reason in the world why you shouldn't be dating."  
  
"There is. I loved one person in my life and he's gone. No one can fill that empty space up in me. Unless you've gone through it Andie you'll never understand it."  
  
"I know that love doesn't only happen once in your life. You can love different people in different ways. I also know that staying lonely won't help that empty space."  
  
"Maybe we're only meant for one love. If they leave us then we're supposed to wait. You know, wait to join them," Pacey chimed in surprising even himself.  
  
Everyone looked to him. Then Emma replied, "I don't think that's true." She sat beside Jack and put her hand on his arm. "You honor the person you love by living a full life. A life full of love, laughter and work. Do you think that if Chase was here now he'd approve of your self imposed lonliness?"  
  
"I don't know. I do know that this is a less than cheerful subject though." Jack realized the subtext of this conversation for Pacey and Emma. It broke his heart to see them having contemplating the things that he and Chase had to before he died. Jack had to remind himself that Emma wasn't Chase, she wasn't going to die, he wasn't going to let her.  
  
"Agreed," Jo said. She took the wine from Emma. "I think we all need a few drinks."  
  
~*~  
  
A week with friends in Capeside passed all too quickly for everyone. They spent their time boating, having dinners and playing around. Everyone agreed that they would return to Capeside at the end of the summer. That would be when Emma's radiation would be final. At that time they would have more of an idea about how well she would fare.  
  
It was Joey who stuck around in Capeside for an additional week. She helped out with Grace and Owen while Emma went to her appointments. It was then that she fell in love with Pacey's family. Emma made her feel very much a part of it.  
  
During the summer as everyone waited to go back to Capeside their lives dragged on without much change. Joey traveled back to London and worked on assignment throughout Europe. She and Grace would email back and forth. Jo sent her pictures of fascinating sights and Grace gave her all the gossip from Capeside that would be of any interest to a six year old.  
  
The months droned on without much word of Emma's condition. Pacey was still hard at work and Emma prepared for the new school year. Both were confident that the radiation was killing all of the cancer cells.  
  
Bad news came on a Thursday. Pacey was in Boston at the office when Emma recieved a phone call from Doctor Bennett. He wanted to see her later that afternoon. Emma refused to drag Pacey an hour and a half for whatever news this would be. Beside she would know just how the radiation had worked in only two weeks.  
  
Now here she was sitting in the lovely office of Dr. Denise Bennett. The walls were a light shade of green and the room had a seaside motif going for it. It was pleasant yet sterile. "Sorry to have kept you waiting Emma." Dr. Bennett said as she sat in the chair beside her patient.  
  
"That's okay. I have to say that you have me a little worried though, what's going on?"  
  
"Emma you know that we didn't find your lymphoma before this late stage. It would have been nearly impossible to detect if someone wasn't looking for it. It's a cancer with no symptoms. I was hoping that after a couple rounds of radiation we would see a virtual disappearance of the cancer cells in your body."  
  
"And?" Emma asked feeling sick to her stomach.  
  
"I don't see any change. In fact there has been a progression of your condition." Dr. Bennett paused for a moment. "Radiation alone is not fighting the cancer."  
  
"What do I do now?" Emma asked. The doctors face fell. Almost instantly she knew the answer. "I've gone too far haven't I?"  
  
"Right now we're dealing with time. If you agree to chemotherapy we're looking at survival of just over a year now."  
  
"A year?" She asked solemnly. "That's all?"  
  
"I'm sorry. But with chemo you'll be looking at a good solid year."  
  
"A good solid year of losing my hair, being too tired to play with my kids, a year of vomitting constantly. I don't know if I can do that to my family. What am I looking at without treatment?"  
  
"Six months maybe."  
  
Emma began to count in her head what six months would be. It was the middle of August now. She could at least survive through Christmas. Her mind was made up and there was no changing it. Em had to start now, she had a lifetime of things to do.  
  
Doctor Bennett kept talking about the chemo option. Then she droned on about pain management. Emma longed to run out the door and begin to do something about all things unfinished in her life.  
  
"Emma, you home?" Pacey asked as he came into the front door.  
  
"I'm up here." She called from their bedroom. Emma was packing a bag.  
  
"Where are you going? Where are the kids?" He asked confused.  
  
"Gracie and Owen are with Gale and Mitch. They took them out on their new boat to go fishing. As for where I'm going. I have to go see my mom, in New York. I'll be home tomorrow night."  
  
"Whoa, whoa, whoa. What's going on? Is everything okay?"  
  
"Yes. I was just talking to my mother and I realized how much I'd like to see her. Will you be okay here with the monsters?"  
  
"Of course. I'll miss you though."  
  
"You won't have time to miss me, I'll be laying beside you tomorrow night, I promise." She kissed his lips.  
  
"Trust me, I'll miss you. Even one night is one night too many." He gave her a smile.  
  
Emma just kissed him again, whispered goodbye in his ear and left. She couldn't be near Pacey just yet. Tears flowed freely though as soon as she was in her car. Emma had to go to NYC but it was definitely not to see her own mother. She had an agenda, a goal and she wasn't coming back empty handed.  
  
"Why did we just do that to ourselves again?" Jen asked Jack. They had just watched Terms of Endearment for like the millionth time in their lives.  
  
Jack wiped away the tears. "I don't know, we're gluttons for punishment."  
  
"I hate movies where they die. I'm beginning to hate movies period. Why is it that two perfectly attractive people like ourselves are watching life on this little screen instead of living it out there," Jen pointed out of the picture window.  
  
Jack shrugged. "Dunno. Maybe cause it's harder to live life out there when all you wanna do is eat junk food and wear your pajama pants."  
  
Jen stood up quickly. "Well no more of this for me. Get up. We're putting on some hot clothes and going down the street for martini's."  
  
"Jen it's nearly eleven o'clock. We have clients at nine and a party tomorrow night."  
  
"You really have gotten old McPhee. You have a half hour to get ready or else you're going as is." Jen stormed off into her bedroom determined to have fun.  
  
~*~  
  
Emma arrived in New York around one a.m. She took a cab to the Village. Finally she found the address she was looking for. Emma paid the cab driver, took her one bag and made her way up the front steps. She found the buzzer for apartment C2.  
  
It took a few moments before the static filled intercom came on. "Who's there?" A raspy, voice with a British accent called out.  
  
"Emma Witter, a friend of Joey Potter's. I was hoping to see her."  
  
"Come on up." A buzzing was heard and Emma tried the door. It was opened. She got in the elevator and rode to the third floor of the building. Standing just outside of Joey's apartment was the man she must have spoken to. "Hey, come on in." He said ushering her into the apartment.  
  
"Thank you. I'm sorry for coming by so late." Emma blushed as she put her bag down.  
  
"It's only one. When you live the way I do this is incredibly early." He gave her a friendly smile. "I'm Ian Grant, a friend of Jo's."  
  
"Emma." She shook his hand.  
  
"As you mentioned. Joey has mentioned you. You're married to her other friend there, Pacey. Right?"  
  
She nodded. "Good memory."  
  
"Memory nothing luv. She is infatuated with your daughter. Sends her pictures on the computer all the time. She's a very cute little girl."  
  
"Isn't she though." Emma smiled. She could see why Jo liked Ian. He was incredibly handsome standing before her in only jeans that he hadn't bothered to button. It left most of his "happy trail" uncovered and suggestively leading downward. His hair was longish and curly with some dyed blonde highlights. Ian's eye's were the most penetrating green, they made her own look dull in comparison. Emma could feel her pulse quicken a little until she reminded herself she was a happily married woman.  
  
"Can I get you something to drink? Scotch? Soda? Water?" He asked.  
  
"I'll have a glass of water thanks. So is Jo around?"  
  
He shook his head and then looked to the wall clock. "She went to go cover some concert for charity. I'm sure she'll be in soon enough."  
  
"You don't mind me waiting I hope."  
  
"Not at all. I was just tinkering around on the piano. Not really doing much of anything. It's kind of nice. "  
  
"I can imagine."  
  
Jo was tired by the time she got back to her place in the village. She was happy to be in New York for a while. Ian was here to do some business with his label. It was nice to have him around. When she finally got in the door and dropped her camera bag she heard Ian and a woman talking. For a moment she was less than happy.  
  
She walked into the front room. "Ian?" Jo called.  
  
"Oh Jo. A friend of yours has stopped in." Ian said gesturing to Emma.  
  
Joey was in shock. She never in a million years expected to see Emma sitting in her living room chatting it up with Ian at this hour. "Emma? What's going on?" She asked stumbling for words.  
  
"I'm sorry to show up unannounced but I had to speak to you in person." Emma said seriously.  
  
"Is everything okay? Pacey? The kids?" Joey asked feeling instantly worried.  
  
"They're fine."  
  
"I'm going to go leave the two of you alone. It was nice talking with you Emma. I hope we get a chance to chat before you go back home." Ian said as he kissed her hand and then disappeared to the bedroom.  
  
"So level with me Emma, I can't imagine that you'd schlep all the way to New York, knock on my door in the middle of the night if nothing was wrong." Jo said sitting down in a chair and lighting a cigarette.  
  
"I saw my doctor this afternoon. She gave me six months, tops." Emma said coming straight out with her problem.  
  
Jo closed her eyes a moment. It all hit her like a ton of bricks. For one second Emma wasn't Emma, it was Jo's mom telling her that she didn't have long. "I'm so sorry."  
  
"Me too." Emma said as she got up from the couch. "You're the only one who knows."  
  
"Me? But why?"  
  
"Because I need you." Jo could hear the desperation in her voice as it cracked. "Because I have to go home and tell my husband that he has to raise our children without me. But I don't want him to be alone. Jo, he's your best friend in this world. You're the only person besides me that I know he trusts and loves."  
  
"I still don't see where I fit in. Of course I'll be there for him." She assured Em.  
  
"I'm sure you will. This is so much to ask you. I know you have a life of your own but I'd like you to come and stay with us in Capeside for a while. Gracie loves you. I want you to know the kids better and support Pacey." Emma reluctantly let tears slide down her face.  
  
"Emma don't you want to spend the time you have left with them on your own?" Jo asked as she stubbed out the cigarette. Tears were threatening in her own eyes.  
  
"I want to spend the rest of the time I have left teaching them how to live without me. I want to make this a little easier. I thought if you were there they'd spend time bonding with you. When I'm gone, you'll still be there."  
  
"I don't understand, why me? Why not Jen or Andie or Jack?"  
  
"Because you and Pacey have this bond, it runs deep. I see the two of you together and I know if there were no me, there would be you. It doesn't anger me or upset me, it's just the way life worked. Joey I think you have an amazing capacity to care and to love and I want my children to see that. You lost your mother and maybe you can help my daughter after she loses hers." Emma and Joey were both sobbing now. "Please, I'm begging you to help me. I've never needed another person as much as I need you now."  
  
Joey nodded. She sat beside Emma and embraced her. "Thank you for trusting me." It was in that moment she felt unworthy of the task at hand. How could she ever live up to the expectations that Emma had of her?  
  
~*~  
  
"I now remember why we never go out anymore," Jen sighed the morning after her and Jack's big excursion to the martini bar.  
  
"It was a virtual meat market. Thankfully I'm a convincing heterosexual." Jack gave a laugh remembering how Jen had made him pretend to be her boyfriend. He didn't mind, the clientele in the bar did not particularly interest him.  
  
"So we can't go out to bars or clubs. Guys at art shows are either too pretenious or gay. The latter is better for you than me. And I never make it a habit of dating clients, so that's out. Where exactly do I meet someone Jack?"  
  
"Hmm, how about the gym?"  
  
"Their necks are too big and they're too sweaty."  
  
"Have you tried the supermarket? Isn't that a big place to meet people? Or the laundromat?"  
  
"If this was 1970's San Francisco that might work. Jack lay off the Armistead Maupin." Jen gave a laugh referring to the Tales in the City trilogy in which the supermarket had played a big role.  
  
"Alright Jen. I don't know what else to tell you then. It's hopeless, is that what you want to hear?"  
  
"No." She pouted.  
  
Jack wrapped his arms around her. "I know it's redundant but at least you have me."  
  
Jen kissed him on the cheek. "This is true. I wouldn't give that up for anything in the world."  
  
"Not even a night with George Clooney." He asked raising an eyebrow.  
  
"Do you really want the answer to that?"  
  
"Should I have your secretary or mine make the travel arrangements for our trip to Capeside?" Andie asked Dawson over the breakfast table.  
  
"I'll have Susan do it." Dawson looked back down at his copy of Variety. Andie could barely stand the silence. "So have you talked to Pacey?"  
  
"No. Emma and I chatted late last week. She seems very optimistic about things."  
  
"That's good to hear. I know Pacey wants to be but he's scared. I've said it before but I can't imagine that happening to us."  
  
Andie looked over to Dawson. "Could've fooled me," She mumbled.  
  
"What?" He asked finally looking up from the paper.  
  
"You say you can't imagine that yet you've already lost me. Do I have to be dying before you notice me Dawson? I'm your wife, I'm alive and I'm healthy and I'm here. You've made no attempt to fix what is broken between us. So tell me why it would matter so much if I weren't around anymore?"  
  
"I can't believe you're saying this. I care about you Andie. I don't know what's broken between us. Everytime I try to figure it out, you shut me out. And if you haven't noticed this isn't the best time for us to start a fight about our own marriage. There are people in our life who are having more problems than we are. We have to be there for them first."  
  
"When do we make time for us? Let's not fight over our marriage now! Then when Dawson, when? Maybe you're right. Let's not fight now, it's too late to decide we can save this sinking ship. I'm sorry for the outburst. How selfish of me." Andie stood from the table letting her chair topple over and then she stormed out of the room.  
  
"Is Mrs. Leery okay?" Their housekeeper asked as she picked up the chair.  
  
"No, no she's not. In fact none of us are." Dawson said angrily as he left the dining room in a rush.  
  
Emma had made travel arrangements for she and Joey to go back to Capeside together. It was late Saturday night before they arrived at the neat white house on Oak Lane. Once inside the door the first thing Em noted was the quiet.  
  
"Are they home?" Jo asked as she put her bag down in the front hall.  
  
Emma nodded. "They must be. Pacey's car is in the garage. I bet they are watching t.v. upstairs in our room. Come on, we'll surprise them."  
  
The two women walked up the large staircase and went into the second bedroom on the left. Asleep on the large four poster bed was Pacey with Owen on his chest and Gracie snuggled next to him. The television was on the Animal Planet channel. Emma noticed there was a Lassie marathon going on.  
  
Joey stood in the doorway of the room observing the sight before her. It was breathtaking to see Pacey and the kids in their pajamas, asleep in front of the t.v. like that. She so wanted to be a part of it. Then she looked to see the pained look on Emma's own face. She had wanted to be a part of a family like this but not at the expense of a woman like that.  
  
Emma waved Jo out of the room. She led her down the hall. "I guess they're out for the night. Let me get you settled in." Em brought her into a large, airy guest room. It would be perfect for Jo. She had suggested that perhaps Emma break the bad news to Pacey in a more private setting. Emma made arrangements for the two to spend the night at a bed and breakfast an hour away. Joey pleaded for her to leave Grace and Owen in her care. It didn't take much pleading. On Monday morning though Joey would head back to New York to tie up loose ends. When that was done she would be coming back to Capeside for quite a while.  
  
"Thanks for everything." Jo said suddenly as Em pointed out the guest towels.  
  
Emma shook her head. "You're not supposed to thank me. You're the one doing me the favor."  
  
"Maybe, just maybe I'm getting something out of this too."  
  
Emma gave Joey a hug as she left her room. She wiped the tears out of her eyes before she walked into her own bedroom. Not five minutes later was she in her own pajamas. She took Owen in her arms and laid him beside Grace in the middle of the bed. Em got beneath the covers with the three of them and without too much effort fell sound asleep.  
  
~*~  
  
When Joey woke up she wasn't sure if she was dreaming. The sunlight was streaming through the blinds and sitting before her was Pacey. He was smiling and looking quite handsome in khaki cargo shorts, a polo and sandals.  
  
"Good morning Potter. Glad to see you could join the ranks of the living at..." He looked to his watch. "At noon."  
  
"Pacey don't you have somewhere else you'd rather be?" She asked with a groan as she rolled over.  
  
"Nope, not since my wife informed me that we had a houseguest. And now that I'm up here tormenting you I'm beginning to remember just how fun it was."  
  
"You know I really don't like you sometimes. It's a good thing you have a great family to make up for all of your character flaws." She fixed him with a look.  
  
"I say the same thing everyday." Pacey gave a smile. "Emma told me that you two ran into each other in New York. She also said that you begged to sit with Gracie and Owen overnight. So I've come upstairs for some random drug testing."  
  
"What?"  
  
"What are you on Jo? Hmm, let's leave my exciting life in New York where I hobknob with celebs to come to Capeside to sit with a six year old and a four year old."  
  
"I missed them Pace. Everytime I talk to Gracie I want to drop what I'm doing to come here and talk to her. I did it for purely selfish reasons you see. Is that easier to believe now?"  
  
"Much. Thanks for whatever reason you did it." He said giving her a hug and kissing her forehead. "Now get your butt out of bed."  
  
"You really know how to ruin a moment Jailbait."  
  
"I sure do. And by the way, the breath is kickin' Ice Princess." He left her room with a loud, obnoxious laugh.  
  
Jo then realized just how much she missed having Pacey in her life. She knew when he came back tomorrow he would no longer be this carefree person. He was going to have a lot on his plate. She had to prepare herself mentally to help all of them.  
  
"Mommy, I want to go," Owen said to Emma for the millonth time since he'd found out that she and Pacey were going away overnight.  
  
"Owen, we'll all go away together another time. Instead of coming with us you get to stay with Joey. Won't that be fun?" She asked as she left a list of important things for Jo.  
  
Owen looked to Joey. She smiled at him from the kitchen table. "No, I want to come with you."  
  
It was then Pacey came in from packing the car. "Not this time pal. Listen Jo if this little monkey gives you any trouble we hang him upside down and shake him all around." Pacey said as he scooped Owen up and hung him by his ankles. Owen screeched in delight. After a moment Pacey put him right side up, kissed his cheek and let him down. "Go get your sister so Mommy and I can say goodbye."  
  
"Okay." Owen ran up the stairs.  
  
"Thanks once again for this Jo. This is a huge favor." Em said as she reviewed the list.  
  
"No problem. I love getting a chance to hang around with them."  
  
"That's what she says now." Pace said as he began to scan the list over Em's shoulder. He rested his head against her shoulder and said, "Are we leaving indefinitely? You've left her everyone in the free world's phone number and a list of things and activities that will last her into the next millenium."  
  
"Don't mock me Pace or you'll be sleeping on the floor at that bed and breakfast." She gave a laugh.  
  
"Did that sound like mockery? I wasn't mocking at all dear. Jo did that sound like I was mocking my beautiful, intelligent, sweet, compassionate wife?" He asked while doing his best imitation of kissing up.  
  
"Sounded like he mocked you, mocked you pretty bad in fact."  
  
"Thanks again for all the help." He noticed the children coming down the stairs. "Kids if Joey gives you any trouble just tie her up. And one other thing, she likes to wake up real early to the sound of yelling and singing. Remember that for Daddy, will ya?"  
  
"Sure Daddy." Grace gave a smile. Both Emma and Jo shook their heads.  
  
"Thank God they take after you." Jo said to Emma.  
  
"Exactly." She turned to Gracie and Owen. "Okay you two. Mommy and Daddy will be back at this time tomorrow. Think you can be good for Joey until then?" Both of them nodded. "I love you guys."  
  
Gracie gave Emma a hug and then Pacey. "I love you too Mommy. I love you too Daddy. Will you bring us back something?"  
  
"Of course." Pacey said. He kissed both kids. A few moments later they were able to make their escape.  
  
~*~  
  
"This place is beautiful. I'm still not sure why I deserve such a great mini-vacation with you." Pacey said to Emma as he brought their bags into the suite.  
  
"You know exactly why we deserve to get away. I just thought this would be a nice setting for us to relax in." She said distracted. Her mind was running a million miles a minute. She was petrified of telling Pacey the truth. There was no way she would just spring it on him. Was there really any right way to deliver news like this though?  
  
Suddenly Pacey grabbed her into his arms. He dropped butterfly kisses along her exposed collarbone and neck. Between kisses he said, "I think we should have a little dinner here in the room, maybe check out the hottub and then come back and well I'm sure we'll come up with something."  
  
She placed her lips over his and engaged him in a warm, romantic kiss. "Sounds perfect."  
  
"Look at you. If you had a mini-van and a pair of Keds bam, you'd be a suburban soccer mom." Bess gave a laugh.  
  
"Laugh all you want. I'm having fun with Grace and Owen." Jo watched them play in Bessie's yard from an adirondack chair.  
  
"Maybe someday you'll have some of your own."  
  
"Fat chance. With whom would I have children?"  
  
"What about Ian? Aren't you guys serious?"  
  
Jo shot her a look. "As serious as you can get with a rock star. What kind of life would that be for a kid? Parents who travel around like gypsies and always being under the watchful eye of the public. No Bess if I were to be a mom I'd want to be like you or Em. You're both with your children all the time, in one place. Look at O and Gracie, they're both so well adjusted. Who knew with Pacey for a father." Jo gave a laugh.  
  
"In all seriousness Pacey Witter turned out to be a damn good father. Just think of the questionable male role model he had in his life. He's totally opposite of what his Dad was."  
  
"Wouldn't you be Bess? Pacey never felt an ounce of love from his father. Even when Dad was in jail I knew he cared."  
  
"Some people shouldn't be parents, Mr. Witter is a prime example."  
  
It was then that Owen skipped over to the two of them. He laid a small bouqet of dandelions in her lap. They were carefully tied with a long piece of grass. Then he gave her that winning Witter smile and ran off to play with his sister.  
  
"Just like Pacey." Jo said as she held the dandelions up.  
  
"You are aware that we just broke a rule, right?" Pacey asked Em looking serious.  
  
"What rule would that be?" Em asked.  
  
"That all important rule about waiting a half hour after eating to get into water." He laughed a little. The two had a wonderful dinner of game hen in their room and immediately changed into their suits to sit in the hottub.  
  
"I think we'll be okay. Just don't tell my mother and I won't mention it to yours." Em made herself comfy sitting across from Pacey. She placed her feet in his lap. He massaged her feet slowly and Em threw her head back. "I'm always a sucker for a good foot massage."  
  
"I know Mrs. Witter. I know all of the tricks."  
  
"You do huh?" Pacey nodded as he pulled her close to him. Finally she was in his lap. They were kissing with renewed passion. Emma almost put it to a stop. She knew she had to tell Pacey what was going on. Instead she allowed him to give her all the love she needed.  
  
In less than five minutes they abandoned the hottub in favor of their room. A long, luxurious session of lovemaking took place. It left them both a little tired. It was as Emma laid in Pacey's arms she decided he had to know what was going on.  
  
She sat up and turned to look in his eyes. He looked perfectly content leaning against the headboard with his strong chest exposed. She gave his shoulder a kiss as she got up without a word.  
  
"Hey why'd you go and do a thing like that?" Pacey protested her getting out of bed.  
  
"Because I want to talk to you." Emma put her robe on.  
  
"Why can't we talk in bed?"  
  
"Because I have the distinct feeling that we wouldn't get much talking done in bed." She sat on the couch in front of the picture window. Pacey got up and put his p.j. pants on.  
  
"So what's going on?" He asked as he sat beside her. Pacey took her hand in his.  
  
"I don't really know how to say any of this. You just have to let me get it out, okay?" He nodded. "On Thursday, Doctor Bennett called the house. She wanted to see me that afternoon. I didn't bother to call you at work. I didn't think there was any reason to upset your whole day and have you drive in from Boston. Beside I never thought I'd get my prognosis report so early." Pacey now looked intently at his wife. He was bursting at the seams, anxious to hear the rest. "She told me that the radiation was failing me. My cancer had moved so far beyond what the radiation could kill or shrink. Then Dr. Bennett suggested chemotherapy. That's not an option I'm considering Pace because she's assured me that there is no way I'm going to survive this."  
  
Pacey let tears spill down his face. He looked to Em in complete shock and horror. "She's wrong Em, we're going to get you well. You're too healthy, too young. We'll start the chemo as soon as we get back." He said frantically trying to make this all better.  
  
"It doesn't matter Pacey. With chemo I might have a year. Without I'm looking at six months. I don't want to prolong this." She cried with him.  
  
"Don't you give up on me Em. We're going to find a way to make you better."  
  
Emma broke his embrace. "No Pacey, we won't because we can't. This is one dragon you can't slay. Put your hero complex aside because you can't save me, no one can. I'm sorry baby, I'm sorry. I haven't given up on living though."  
  
He put his head down. "I can't lose you. How will I ever live in a world without you?"  
  
"I don't know but you will." She said quietly. Pacey held her in his arms again. They both silently cried and comforted each other.  
  
Pacey couldn't get the fact that death was invetiable for his wife to sink in. He knew that marrying Emma was the one thing in his life that he did right. How could he ever raise their babies without her? She knew everything and they needed her. That night he prayed to God to take him and spare her. Pacey didn't think his heart was strong enough for the bruising it was going to endure in the upcoming months.  
  
"Dad."  
  
"Dawson? Is that you?" Mitch asked as he sat back in a chair.  
  
"Yeah, it's me. Unless you have another son stashed away somewhere." Dawson said.  
  
"No, just you. What's going on son?"  
  
"Not much. Just felt like talking with you."  
  
"As nice as that sounds I know you too well. What's going on? You sound troubled."  
  
"I'm screwing up my life Dad and I can't stop myself." Dawson confided. He kept running the scene with Andie this morning over and over in his mind.  
  
"How is that?"  
  
"I keep pushing Andie away. I just can't seem to connect with her. It's like we're strangers occupying the same space."  
  
"When did all of this start?" Mitch was baffled that neither Dawson or Andie had exhibited any signs of growing apart.  
  
"After we lost the baby. Our relationship just began to deteriorate."  
  
"I had no idea that things were so bad between you two."  
  
"Well no one knows. Andie and I are great actors. We should star in the movies, not produce them."  
  
"When this all started it was just because we couldn't grieve together. Andie wanted to wallow in the misery and the loss. I wanted to work and move on. The doctor told us we could try for another child. I know it's not the same. I just couldn't live in darkeness the way she was."  
  
"I can imagine that was a difficult time for both of you. You both lost your son."  
  
"Exactly. By the time we were both ready to move forward in life, we weren't on the same page anymore. And now I don't even think we're in the same book."  
  
"Have the two of you talked to anyone?" Mitch asked remembering how counseling helped he and Gale smooth over their second attempt at marriage.  
  
"No."  
  
"Don't you think you should? Don't play tough guy here Dawson. If you love your wife fight for her. Kat deserves two happy parents. Eventually she'll pick up on the fact that the two of you are pretending and all for her sake."  
  
"I know you're right. I just don't even know where I'd begin."  
  
"At the beginning of course. Sounds crazy I know, first piece of advice, court Andie. Show her that you don't take her for granted. Do something simple like dinner or take her dancing. You may both end up enjoying it."  
  
"I might just take that advice. So when is it that you became this huge pillar of wisdom?"  
  
"I've always been a pillar of wisdom Dawson. You've just never asked."  
  
"Joey is in Capeside." Jen said crawling into bed next to Jack. It was an early Sunday morning.  
  
"Why? Wasn't she just in New York?" Jack asked as he reluctantly opened his eyes.  
  
"Yeah but she somehow ended up in Capeside. She's at Pacey's watching Grace and Owen." Jen yawned.  
  
"Hmm. Was that just her on the phone?"  
  
"Yup. You'll never guess what she wanted, hold onto your Calvin's, she wants us to call Ian to plan a party for him. He's having a little cocktail shindig with some record execs. It looks as though Mr. Grant wants his own record label."  
  
"How did we get thrown into the mix?"  
  
"Joey suggested us. She knew how badly we wanted to meet him." Jen said with a content sigh.  
  
"Mmm, I hope he wears his yummy leather pants."  
  
"Forget the pants. He can wear a potato sack and I'm still interested. I think it's the way he grinds his pelvis against his guitar. God I love that."  
  
"So how are we expected to work for this rock god if we're both drooling over him?" Jack asked propping himself up on an elbow.  
  
"I'm not sure. Thankfully we have a team of capable people."  
  
"That's not what you called them last night." He taunted her.  
  
"Jack don't make me start Sunday morning by kicking your a**."  
  
~*~  
  
When Emma woke up in the strange yet comfortable bed of the Inn, Pacey was right beside her. His eyes were wide as though he'd been up for a while. She gave him a small smile. Pacey leaned in to give her a kiss.  
  
"Good morning." Em said.  
  
"Morning." Pacey returned. "How are you feeling?"  
  
"Perfect because I'm in your arms."  
  
Pacey wanted to cry, to scream. He felt the same way. He couldn't imagine being without her for more than one night. Pacey found it nearly impossible to sleep without being next to his wife. Last night he'd tossed and turned and mostly spent the night watching her sleep. From this moment on he vowed to memorize every movement she made, everything about her.  
  
"Shall we get up and have breakfast?" He asked as she snuggled against him.  
  
"In a little while. I just want to lay here with you." Slowly she looked up at him from where she laid with her head against his chest. "Are you okay?"  
  
"I don't really know how to answer that Em. It's kind of a loaded question."  
  
She nodded. "I know. Pace I need you to think positive. I'm not going anywhere, I'm not leaving you for a while. I need you to enjoy yourself around me or else I'll go crazy."  
  
Carefully Pacey maneuvered himself so his body covered Em's. "I'm trying. I really am." They shared a deep kiss. The couple didn't move from bed for the next hour.  
  
"Whatcha looking at?" Gracie asked Jo.  
  
Jo sat on the couch and motioned for Gracie to join her. "These are your Mom and Dad's wedding pictures." Jo had found them on a bookshelf in the den. She carefully looked through the white satin book.  
  
"Can I see them too?" Gracie asked.  
  
"Of course."  
  
Gracie pointed at a photo. "My mommy looks like a princess." She said awed by the sight of her mother in the flowing white gown.  
  
"She certainly did. I remember that day. Your Mommy and Daddy were so happy. And when your Mom walked down that big long aisle all you could hear were people sighing and oohing and ahhing. She really looked beautiful."  
  
Jo could remember Pacey's wedding day as clear as can be. She had agonized for so long about whether to go or to make up some stupid excuse. Finally after talking to Bessie she decided to go.  
  
Standing in the beautifully decorated church she'd felt the pain of losing Pacey all over again. The words he spoke to her before the service did not ease the pain.  
  
Joey had been sitting out by the water, enjoying her morning. She purchased a huge cup of coffee and sat on the grass. Jo looked like a teenager again dressed in dark blue jeans and a fitted t-shirt. She lit a cigarette and tried hard to prepare herself for Pacey's wedding that evening.  
  
It was while she was deep in thought a man suddenly sat beside her with a thud. She turned to her left and saw it was Pacey. He was in a pair of shorts and an old t-shirt with the sleeves cut off. His skin glistened with perspiration.  
  
"You know, those things'll kill ya." Pacey said as he drank from his water bottle.  
  
"So the Surgeon General says but thanks for the tip. So when did you become Richard Simmons?" Joey asked as she deeply dragged on her cig.  
  
"If you're referring to my life of healthy living you can thank my bride. I am no longer the binge drinking, cigar smoking frat brother of old. I am now a lean, mean, legal system fighting machine. She insisted I have the body to go along with that title." He said smiling at the sheer thought of Emma.  
  
"Speaking of your bride, how is this whole 'til death do us part thing faring with you so far?"  
  
"Are you asking me if I can manage one woman forever? Keeping the gun in its holster so to say." He winked at her.  
  
"Precisely."  
  
"I've been with Emma for a long time now. Since we were eighteen years old. From the first time that woman said she loved me I was hooked, there were no other women." Pacey said with sincerity.  
  
Jo looked down for a moment. "Who could ever imagine there was one woman who could do that to Pacey Witter?"  
  
It was Pacey turn to look away from Jo. He peeled the label from his water bottle. "I think you know who the only other woman could've been."  
  
Jo swore her heart stopped when he uttered those words. She looked to him. Their eyes locked. "We would've been a mistake that would have cost us our friends, our safe little world. You found the woman you were made for, your soulmate."  
  
Pacey was drawn to Jo at this moment as though no time had passed. "You're right, I was meant to be with Emma but I'll always have love for you in my heart Jo. No matter what happened between us feelings like that don't die. When you feel lonely or wonder if anyone cares, you know I do, I always will. I love you Josephine Potter and I'll love you for a million years."  
  
Joey couldn't stand looking into his eyes any longer. The intensity they held made her want to cry. She wanted to beg him to leave Emma behind, forget the wedding and to run far away with her. Jo knew that he'd never go for it. He had once loved her with the passion that he loved Emma with but it had been her own indecisiveness and need for the familiar that drove them apart.  
  
Before she knew what was happening Pacey leaned in to her. He softly pushed away a few stray strands of hair and then let his lips fall upon hers. The kiss had been short but it left her weak and wanting more. Joey didn't have her eyes open before Pacey got up and jogged away without another word.  
  
A tear fell from her eye. Quietly she whispered, "Goodbye."  
  
~*~  
  
"Ok Daddy, tell me one more time." Kat said looking to Dawson with some confusion.  
  
"We're going to go fly that new kite of yours today. You know the one that Uncle Jack picked out for you while we were in Capeside." Dawson said. It hurt to realize that the idea of just hanging out with his daughter on a Sunday was a foreign concept to her. Had it been that long since they last spent quality time together?  
  
"Is Mommy coming?" She asked looking hopeful.  
  
"I'm not sure yet. I'd really like for her to come though. I'll tell you what, go get dressed and meet me back down here when you're all ready. Don't forget to grab a sweater. I'm gonna go up and see what Mommy has planned for today."  
  
Kat gave Dawson a thumbs up. "I gotcha Daddio." With that she ran off.  
  
Dawson laughed. He had no idea where his daughter came up with this stuff. He knew right off the bat though that they had a very dramatic child. Everything was acting to her. It was inveitable that someday he'd be watching Kat recieve the Academy Award for a film that Titan had made.  
  
Before any of that could happen though Dawson knew he had to make an attempt to get things back with Andie. He went up the stairs to her office. Taking one deep breath he then knocked on the door.  
  
"It's open." Andie called.  
  
"It's just me." Dawson said as he walked in.  
  
Andie turned to look at him. "Can I help you with something?"  
  
"I guess I deserve that after what happened yesterday morning. I'm sorry about that." Dawson said as he nervously ran his fingers through her hair.  
  
Andie was perplexed. She had no idea what was going on. "What is this? I mean do you want or need something because I can't think of any other reason you'd come in here and hand over an apology so easy."  
  
"How about because you're my wife. If anyone deserves an apology more, it's you. But you are right, I did come here for something."  
  
"I was right. There's always a catch in Hollywood." She gave a sigh.  
  
"Kat and I wanted to extend an invitation of kite flying and a picnic lunch on the beach to you."  
  
Now Andie was truly stunned. She wanted to pinch herself to make sure she wasn't living in some sort of a dream. "When are you two leaving?"  
  
"As soon as your clothes horse of a daughter decides on her wardrobe." Dawson gave a friendly smile. He hoped it would signify the fact that he was trying to call a truce.  
  
"And this picnic lunch, where is it appearing from? The housekeeper has Sundays off." She eyed him suspiciously.  
  
"I lived without a housekeeper for quite a long time. I put together some turkey sandwiches and fruit all by myself. Hell I even loaded the dishwasher."  
  
Andie nearly asked him if he'd been drinking rum and cokes again. That was the only time he ever got this giddy. "Well I'm impressed I guess. Let me go put on a pair of jeans. I'll be right there with you two. Oh and make sure the munchkin grabs a sweater."  
  
"I've got that one covered. And I thought we agreed never to call her a munchkin?" Dawson flinched as bad memories of childhood ran through his memory.  
  
"Why is that?" Andie suddenly threw her head back and laughed. "The oompa- loompa thing, right? Sorry about that."  
  
"By all means, mock my childhood misery." He laughed aloud himself.  
  
"Don't mind if I do." Andie walked out of the office and to their bedroom. She prepared for what was promising to be an interesting day.  
  
~*~  
  
Pacey and Emma quietly ate brunch on the balcony of their room. The silence wasn't uncomfortable. It was just they couldn't find the right words to explain what they were feeling, yet.  
  
"So I don't get the whole Joey thing. I feel like something is up with that?" Pacey said suddenly as he put his coffee cup down.  
  
"The Joey thing is this, I need a friend to help out and she was the first person I thought of. When I found out I got a train ticket to New York the first thing. I'm sorry I lied to you but I didn't have things straight enough in my own head let alone straight enough to tell you."  
  
"But you could go all the way to New York to tell Jo? I'm assuming she knows."  
  
"She does. Pace you have to understand my first instincts were to take care of you and the kids. I really think Jo is going to do a great job of helping me with that."  
  
"I don't want you to feel like you have to take care of me Em. That's not your job. Let me take care of you. As for Gracie and Owen they have us, they have me. I don't quite understand you choosing Joey as your solution."  
  
"It's a easy concept to grasp Pace. You and Joey have this amazing friendship that I'll never quite understand. She knows you in ways that I won't ever. I want you to have a friend around, someone you can vent to. When it comes to Gracie and Owen I know that they'll not only benefit from her worldly ways but from her big heart."  
  
"All the three of us need are you. Don't get me wrong Jo is my best friend but I think that we'll have to work through all of this as a family." Pacey said taking her hand.  
  
"From this moment on Pacey, Joey is a part of this family. I need her and in time so will you. Indulge me this one thing." She said holding his hand tighter.  
  
He nodded. "Of course, anything."  
  
As Joey rode the train back to New York all she could think of was Pacey. When he had arrived home on Sunday evening he wore a look she'd never seen. It gave her chills. As he tucked both Gracie and Owen in she thought he might cry. He was shaken by the news Emma had given him. When he gave them their hugs he looked as though he were holding on for dear life. It broke Joey's heart.  
  
It was three a.m. when Jo woke up to Pacey nudging her. He was sitting in the chair next to her bed. She could see the dark circles around his eyes from lack of sleep.  
  
"Pace is everything okay?" Jo asked suddenly.  
  
He shook his head. "Emma told me that she needs you. Thanks for being there for her. I know you don't consider her one of your best friends or anything."  
  
"Right about now I feel closer to her than I've felt to anyone in a long time."  
  
"It was a lot to ask you to put your life on hold and come and spend some time with us and the kids."  
  
"I'm not putting my life on hold Pace, I'm just moving into another phase of it."  
  
"Thanks for doing it with us then."  
  
Jo gave him a hug. "I can't imagine wanting to be anywhere else in the world."  
  
The announcement that the train was now approaching Grand Central Station snapped her out of her thoughts. Once she made her way out of the station she grabbed herself a cab. She headed to her apartment in the Village.  
  
Andie's body was present in her office on Monday afternoon. Her mind was not though. Happy memories of kite flying yesterday with Dawson and Kat invaded her thoughts. It put a smile on her face and a little extra bounce in her step.  
  
Things had gone so well. She and Dawson failed to share one cross word with each other the entire day. When they arrived home an urgent message was waiting for Dawson. He had to fly to see investors in Colorado last night. It kind of disappointed Andie that he had to leave during their wonderful day. Maybe too much of one another wouldn't have been a good thing though.  
  
A knock came at her office door. "Come in."  
  
"Mrs. Leery these just arrived for you," Her assistant said as she entered with a huge floral arrangement. "Where can I put them for you?"  
  
"Right on this table. Thanks Diane." Andie said as she put them down and exited the office. She looked the beautiful flowers over for a card. Finally buried within them she found one.  
  
It simply read, 'Thanks for flying a kite with me instead of telling me to take a flying leap. Dawson'  
  
She couldn't help but smile. The phone rang. Andie picked it up across the office and sat on her couch. "Hello, Andrea Leery."  
  
"Mrs. Leery I'm looking to take you to dinner. Say about eight p.m. on Friday when I get home?" Dawson asked.  
  
"Well Mr. Leery let me see if I can pencil you in." She teased.  
  
"If flowers only get me penciled in what gets me marked in black ink? Shall I call Cartier and have something more substantial sent over?"  
  
"As tempting as that sounds the flowers were more than effective. I'd love to have dinner with you. So you're stuck in Colorado until Friday?"  
  
"Yeah. I have to kiss ass with some of these investors. They're getting cold feet over this new production."  
  
"Most studio heads wouldn't bother with this type of deal." She said.  
  
"Most studio heads are not producing a picture with six major Hollywood stars in the leading roles. Titan is counting on this grosses of this picture to help us promote more independent ventures."  
  
"I see. Well good luck with it all then."  
  
"Thanks. Kiss kit Kat for me, okay?"  
  
"Will do."  
  
"See you Friday."  
  
"Friday." Andie hung up feeling totally satisfied. Saying I love you even though it was true felt like a little too much to expect.  
  
"Oh my God, we are having dinner with Ian Grant. I feel like I'm going on a first date." Jen sighed as she sifted through the clothes in her closet.  
  
"Yeah a first date with one of your best friends boyfriends and your gay best friend. Sounds hot." Jack laughed. Jen threw a shoe at him.  
  
"Did I ever tell you there were times I wished you were mute?"  
  
"Oh like I do all the talking in this relationship motor mouth. So what are you wearing?"  
  
"Not a clue. Dress me Jack, I'm hopeless." Jen said frustrated.  
  
"Just what I always wanted, my very own life sized Jen Lindley doll." He said as he picked up a knee length snake print skirt. Then he opted for a very fitted black cardigan with 3/4 sleeves. "Perfect."  
  
"This isn't a little risque for a business meeting?" She asked.  
  
"Jen we're meeting with Ian Grant. This is the same man who runs around in front of millions of people in nothing but tight leather pants. I have the distinct feeling your choice of clothes is not going to shock him. If you really don't like the choice we can always go with something from your Hillary Clinton selection of suits."  
  
"Say no more. I can be ready in a half hour. You?"  
  
"Just have to gel my hair and throw on a suit."  
  
"I hate men. It takes you ten seconds to look a thousand times better than me. And I spend hours getting ready."  
  
"That's the benefit of being this gorgeous," He laughed.  
  
Jen rolled her eyes. "Get out before I murder you."  
  
~*~  
  
Pacey had spent the majority of the week in a daze. He tried to work but he found it impossible to concentrate. At home he only wanted to play with Gracie and Owen and spend time with Em. It seemed as though she was preoccupied with thing in her own mind. It was understandable though.  
  
Em worked hard on making the guest room more homey for Joey. As much as he didn't understand Em's need for Jo, he respected it. Joey was returning just before the rest of the gang would arrive in Capeside. As a family they had one week to prepare to tell the world just what was going on.  
  
That left a lot on Pacey's mind. It could explain why he was so unhappy when his father called to invite him fishing.  
  
"I'm thinking about a good old Witter man fishing trip. You up to that?" John asked his son.  
  
"I really don't know, we have a lot going on at the house." Pacey said really not wanting to deal with his father at all.  
  
"Oh come on son. It'll be this Saturday morning. Remember how much fun we used to have? It'll be Dougie, you, Owen and me."  
  
Pacey's blood ran cold thinking of the torture he used to endure stuck on a boat with his father and Dougie for a day. "I really don't think Owen is old enough for this type of a trip. He's only four Dad and he'd probably get bored and then act up. He'd end up getting on your nerves." Pacey refused to subject his son to John Witter on a rampage. As it was now Grace and Owen hardly ever spent any time alone with their grandparents. It worried Pacey too much.  
  
"Son, if your child was being disciplined then there would be no worries of him acting up." John said feeing impatient. The whole plan for a fishing trip had been his wife's bright idea for cheering Pacey up.  
  
"Here we go. I would really rather not get into your idea of how a child should be raised. I know our styles differ greatly. Listen, I'll be there on Saturday morning. Thanks for the invite." Pacey said trying to smooth things over. The last thing he needed was a fight with his father.  
  
"Okay then. We'll meet for breakfast here around five a.m. Sound good?"  
  
"Yeah. I'll be there."  
  
Emma had been feeling sick all day. She refused to ask Pacey to stay home though. Early in the morning she kissed him goodbye and sent him off to Boston. Her plan had been to lay on the couch for a little while before the kids got up. No such luck. Owen was up and ready for action earlier than usual.  
  
After lunch the two had begged to play in the backyard. Em made sure the gate was locked and let them run free. She watched from the laundry room at the back of the house. They would wave to her periodically.  
  
A wave of nausea swept over her. Emma gripped the washing machine to keep her balance. Now she was scared. Not for herself but what if she collapsed? Grace and Owen would be left alone playing in the yard.  
  
Carefully she made her way to the enclosed patio. "Dear God do not let anything happen now. Please let me get someone to look after Gracie and O. Dear Lord in Heaven if you're listening don't take me now, I need a little more time." She said aloud. As Em sat on the sofa on the patio she felt a calm come over her. It was as if God was assuring her that she wasn't going anywhere for a while. "Gracie, Gracie," Emma called. She got her attention. "Bring Owen and please come into Mommy."  
  
"Okay Mommy." Gracie said. She took Owen's hand. He tried to pull away from her. "Mommy called us."  
  
"Want to play!" He exclaimed unhappy about being brought in.  
  
"'Member what Daddy said?" Gracie lowered her voice and looked Owen dead in the face, "If we're not good for Mommy we're in big, big trouble." After that Owen went in without incident.  
  
"I'm sorry to call you guys in so early. Emma do you think you can do Mommy a favor?"  
  
"Sure," She nodded.  
  
"Can you carefully go into the bathroom and get one of those dixie cups? Then once you get the cup put a little bit of water from the sink in it. Just like when you brush your teeth. Once you put the water in it bring it out here to me. That would be a big help." Emma asked feeling how dry she was. Grace thought for a moment and then nodded. "And what about you Owen, do you want to help?"  
  
"Help, I'm helping."  
  
"You certainly are. If you go in with Gracie and get the phone in the front room and bring it back we can put the television on, deal?" Owen gave her a hug. The deal was closed. He followed his big sister inside.  
  
Emma thanked the Lord that she was okay. Today had scared her though. She didn't want to be all alone with Grace and Owen for fear if something did happen. Today would be the day that she really taught them about 911.  
  
~*~  
  
"Rise and shine sleepyhead." Jack said as he pulled the curtains back in Jen's room. He had two cups of coffee in his hands.  
  
"You just interrupted an Ian Grant dream. I was just about to be serenaded sans the leather pants." Jen sighed as she sat up.  
  
"You do realize that we are both going straight to hell. Ian is Joey's boyfriend and the both of us are panting after him like puppy dogs. Not to mention the fact that he seems to have the starring role of our wet dreams." Jack sat beside her and handed her a cup of coffee.  
  
Jen shook her head. "Anyone ever tell you that you have a way with words?"  
  
"Not in a long time."  
  
"So are we prepared for Mr. Grant's party on Monday?" She asked Jack.  
  
"Things are looking fine. What time do we meet with Rosenblum woman on Park Ave?"  
  
"At eleven. I can't stand that woman. It won't be as pleasant as our meeting with Mr. Grant."  
  
"Nothing will ever be that pleasant. Didn't you kind of want to dislike him? I wanted him to be a jerk. Instead he was all charming and intelligent. That did not help my growing infatuation with the man." Jack said as he sipped the hot coffee.  
  
"No crap. I really wanted to be like, 'the thrill is gone, he's another celebrity as*hole.' Then he's all nice to us. It almost pissed me off. How backward is that? And was it just me or was he flirting with both of us?"  
  
"I'm so glad I didn't have to be the one who said it first. Maybe he wasn't flirting. Perhaps the man has so much sexuality oozing from him we just thought he was flirting." Jack tried to rationalize.  
  
"Well all I have to say is that Joey Potter is one lucky girl. She's even luckier that we're good friends because I could've totally jumped Ian the other night." Jen stopped mid sip of her coffee. "Jack, I am going to hell! I think I just need to get rid of some of this sexual frustration."  
  
"Amen sister." They clinked mugs.  
  
Andie finished getting dressed. Kat sat on her bed watching. "Mommy you look so pretty."  
  
"Thank you. So we think Daddy will like this?" Andie asked as she stood and turned for Kat. She wore a halter topped pantsuit in black with wide legs by Richard Tyler. Her back was exposed down to just below her waistline. On her feet were simple stacked heels.  
  
"Yes. Daddy will love that." Kat squealed as Andie grabbed her into a hug.  
  
"Good. Thanks for all of your help. Now you have to promise me that you're going to be good for Gina. If you're not I will hear about it Kathryn Leery." She said sternly.  
  
Kat nodded. "Mother," She sighed dramatically, "I would never be bad. I think Gina has issues with my flair for drama."  
  
Andie could only shake her head. Had she and Dawson been like this at five? Who was Kat getting this from? "I think Gina has issues with you not wanting to go to bed when you're supposed to. I know I have issues with that. So let's make it a non-issue, get your butt to bed on time."  
  
"Okay. If you insist."  
  
"I insist." Kat gave her a look, rolled her eyes and flopped back down on the bed backward. It all looked very Scarlett O'Hara. Kat had a fixation on Gone With the Wind lately. She must have seen the film a million times. "Goodnight Miss Scarlett."  
  
With that Andie made her way downstairs. Standing at the bottom was Dawson. In his hand was one single red rose. He was dressed to the nines in a dark Armani suit.  
  
Dawson whistled. "That is one hell of an outfit."  
  
"Why thank you." She beamed happy about the compliment. Once to the bottom of the stairs the two hugged. Dawson greeted her with a kiss on the cheek and handed her the flower. "Where are we headed tonight?"  
  
"I thought we could start at L'Orangerie for a little dinner and then move onto The Catalina for a little jazz."  
  
"Sounds great."  
  
They headed out. Dawson had hired them a car for the night and they were off to a night of fun.  
  
~*~  
  
The alarm clock on the bedside table rang at four a.m. Pacey reached over and smacked it. Emma stirred next to him and then opened her eyes.  
  
"Pace? What time is it?" She asked.  
  
"It's early, four a.m. Don't get up."  
  
"Don't worry," She gave a small, tired smile. Pacey leaned over and kissed her mouth.  
  
"I'm gonna get dressed and go. I'll see you guys later, ok?"  
  
"We'll be here." Em said giving him one last kiss as she got up from bed.  
  
Pacey went into the bathroom and slipped into old jeans, a t-shirt and a navy Gap thermal. Once he was done brushing his teeth and that other fun morning stuff he quietly snuck out of the bedroom.  
  
The next stop on his way downstairs was into Gracie's room. His daughter slept soundly. Her blonde curls were fanned out on the pillow around her like a halo. Lightly he kissed her cheek. After that he peeked into Owen's room. The little guy slept with his stuffed dinosaur snuggly tucked under his arm. Rex the red dinosaur had been a gift from Emma's mom. He loved the thing to death. Pacey fixed his covers that he had kicked off and kissed his forehead.  
  
Finally he made his way downstairs to put his boots on. He grabbed his fishing gear and his car keys. It took him ten minutes to get to his parents place. His mother was already up and cooking breakfast.  
  
"Hey ma," Pacey greeted her as he walked in the backdoor.  
  
"Hello Pacey. Can I get you a cup of coffee?" Doris kissed his cheek.  
  
"It's okay, I'll get it myself." Pacey grabbed a mug and helped himself. It was then Doug walked in the backdoor.  
  
"Morning," He said.  
  
"Coffee?" Pacey said as he poured himself a mug.  
  
"Do you have to ask," Doug gave a friendly smile. His voice got low, "Are we drinking them irish?"  
  
"Jesus, a day on the boat with the old man, maybe we better had."  
  
John Witter made his presence known by loudly proclaiming, "Good morning Witter men, ready to catch some fish?"  
  
Doug and Pacey looked to each other and then sat at the kitchen table. Conversation about work and little things went on here and there as Doris served breakfast to her "boys."  
  
"So how is Emma?" Doris asked.  
  
John had to put his two cents in. "Yeah how is the gal? Do we know if the radiation zapped all the cancer or what?"  
  
Pacey felt his stomach turn as he pushed the plate away from him. He looked to his father and wanted to scream. The man had no tact. Pacey knew he had to tell them though. The room went quiet. "Well I really didn't want to bring this up but in fact the radiation isn't working."  
  
"What do you mean? Those damn doctors, they just want to bilk your insurance, they want you to pay for more treatment she doesn't need." John said.  
  
"That's not it. Just listen to me. This is important and it's more important that it does not leave this kitchen. My wife is not going to get better." Pacey tried to swallow over the lump in his throat. He refused to cry in front of his father.  
  
"Pacey what are you saying?" Doug asked. His eyes were wide with fear.  
  
"The doctors think we have about six months left with her." Pacey got up from the table. "If you'll excuse me a minute." Everyone sat in a stunned silence. Pacey went out the backdoor and walked out in the yard. He stared out at the water. A few moments later there was a hand on his shoulder.  
  
When Pacey turned to see who was behind him, he was grabbed into a hug. It was Doug. He had tears in his own eyes. "I am so sorry. This sounds like a stupid question but how are you holding up?"  
  
"It changes from moment to moment. Most days I don't know up from down. I'm lost Dougie." He shrugged.  
  
"What about Grace and Owen? Do they know?"  
  
"No. They know that their Mom hasn't been feeling too well but she doesn't want to tell them anything yet. It's killing me Doug. Remember when I first met Em?"  
  
Doug laughed. "Do I ever. The world revolved around Emma Worthington for you."  
  
"It still does."  
  
"You were like a puppy dog. And she was so crazy for you too. I still don't get that. She was so beautiful. Everywhere she went she turned heads and she was so damn smart. You two always made me jealous."  
  
Pacey ran his hand through his hair. Tears were blurring his vision. "I'm not going to be able to let her go Dougie, I just can't do it." Pacey's anger began to flare. "I won't do this." He began to yell, "This is too hard. Why won't he just take me, take anything but don't take her. It's not supposed to be this way. I'm supposed to grow old with her Doug. Doesn't God know that?"  
  
"Mom always said God has a plan."  
  
"What the f*ck kind of plan is this? This isn't what I had planned. What about what we planned? Ughhh. Nothing I do or say can fix this. There is no one to sue or to put behind bars. I don't get to be the hero this time Dougie. I don't even get to be the winner because I'm losing so huge on this, I'm losing this person who is everything to me, everything to my babies."  
  
Pacey allowed the tears to run freely. Doug wanted to make Pacey okay but he knew that nothing he said could heal this. He hugged him again. The two of them then noticed John standing behind them. His eyes were puffy and red as though he'd been crying or was on the verge of.  
  
"Son, I'm so sorry. Let us help you through this." John held out his hand to his son for the first time in a very, very long time. Without much hesitation Pacey held on.  
  
~*~  
  
When Jo got home from her photo shoot in New Jersey, Ian was reading a book. She had missed his big party and was feeling some guilt over it.  
  
"So are you still talking to me?" Jo asked as she approached him.  
  
Ian looked to her and gave her smile. "Why wouldn't I be talking to you?"  
  
"I missed your party."  
  
"Not a big deal. Your friends did a great job. I really like them." Ian embraced Jo as she sat beside him. They shared a kiss.  
  
"I think we need to talk Ian." Jo said as she bit her lip.  
  
"Does this start with, 'It's not you Ian, it's me.?'" He asked.  
  
"No. I don't think you're going to be happy about this anyway."  
  
"Why don't you give it a try."  
  
Jo took a deep breath. "Remember my friend Emma?"  
  
"Yeah, pretty blonde, showed up in the middle of the night?"  
  
"That's her. I told you she was sick. She has cancer and the radiation therapy didn't do anything for it. Emma's been given six months."  
  
"That is horrible." Ian said with sincerity.  
  
"It certainly is. Anyway she has asked me to come to Capeside for a while. She needs help with her children."  
  
"Can't she hire a nanny or something?"  
  
"It's not like that Ian. Em wants me to be there for them. She thinks I should be some sort of a surrogate mother figure. Besides that Pacey and I are best friends, she thinks it will help if he has me around."  
  
Ian nodded. "You've agreed to this?"  
  
"Yes. I love those kids."  
  
"Just be careful. I'd hate to see you get hurt."  
  
"I'm not the one who's losing everything here. Pacey and the kids, they're going to get hurt here. I want to help soften the blow." Jo looked at her hands. "I don't expect you to sit around here and wait for me. I know we're not like this big serious couple."  
  
"We're not? That's right, it's not for lack of me trying though. Jo you have real commitment issues. You realize that I can't wait forever, right? I'm thirty five. I want a family someday, someday soon."  
  
"And I can't give that to you. That's not what I want for my life right now."  
  
"No you don't want a family between us Jo. You want Pacey's family, you want Pacey."  
  
"How can you say that to me?"  
  
"I'm not trying to be cold or mean. He's the man you really love. It's so obvious."  
  
"Are you telling me this is over?"  
  
"Do I really have to tell you? You made up your mind about me a long time ago. I'll never get past being your bed buddy. You'll never take my ring or have my babies. I do care for you Jo."  
  
"I care for you too."  
  
"Let's not make any rash decisions, ok? Can I come see you while you're in Capeside?" Ian wanted to see her interact with the Witters.  
  
"I'd really like that."  
  
"Then it's settled."  
  
It was settled for Joey. She knew that Ian wanted more from life, more than what she could give him. There was no way she was going to string him along anymore. She wasn't really sure what life had in store for her but she had a feeling Emma was going to be the one to help her find it.  
  
~*~  
  
"What time are we leaving?" Dawson asked Andie as he poured them both a glass of wine.  
  
"Ten a.m. Are you all packed?" She asked.  
  
"No worries Mrs. Leery I'm all set." He said handing her a glass.  
  
Andie smiled. Since the night she and Dawson had gone out for dinner things had been pretty peaceful. They had even begun to start sleeping in the same bed again. There had been no tearful or passionate plea to save their marriage but instead a few small steps towards reconciliation.  
  
"I hope this trip is a good one. I just want Emma to be okay." Andie said.  
  
"That's what we all want. I find myself praying a lot lately. Think that my prayers will be anywhere near effective because I haven't prayed in so long?"  
  
"That is not the way God works Dawson. He's listening to all of our prayers for Em. Ultimately it comes down to God's will."  
  
"I hope his will includes making her better."  
  
"Me too, me too." Andie nuzzled into Dawson's arms.  
  
"Emma just sent me out to see if you need anything." Jo said to Pacey. He was setting out some lawn chairs in the sand.  
  
"Everything is pretty well set out here." He said looking around. Pacey had gone out to set up a clam steam. "Is Em okay?"  
  
"She's fine. Just putting the finishing touches on the salads. I'm gonna go back to the house and help her bring everthing down." Jo busied herself with organizing the plates and basket with silverware. "This was a great idea, coming down to the beach for a clam steam."  
  
Pacey gave her a smile. "It's because I happen to be a genius. Well that and the fact that if I didn't come up with something fast Em would have insisted on making some huge dinner for everyone."  
  
"For whatever reason you did it, it was a good idea. We'll all get to enjoy these last bits of summer."  
  
They looked at each other for a moment. Both of them knew that holding on to the memories of this summer would be the most important thing to do. This was in fact Emma's last summer. The silence between them was broken by Jack and Jen approaching.  
  
"Hello party people." Jack gave a smile.  
  
"We brought the beverages." Jen chimed in. She hugged Joey.  
  
"Hey you two." Jo said.  
  
"So where is Em?" Jack asked Pacey.  
  
"Up in the house. We were just gonna go up and help." He said.  
  
"Say no more," Jen said, "Joey and I will go do the girlie stuff. You guys stay here and work on doing your best impressions of men."  
  
"Ha, ha." Jack shot her a look. Joey and Jen made their way to the house.  
  
Andie and Dawson were the next to arrive. They brought with them dessert and music. It took them all only a few moments to fall back into their old routine of picking on each other and generally joking around. Dinner was being enjoyed by all.  
  
"I'd like to make a toast to my wonderful husband. Thank you for a delicious dinner." Emma said as they all clinked glasses. She bent down and gave him a quick kiss on the lips.  
  
"This is great Pace. We should hire you to do our big clam steams." Jack said as he took a bite of roasted corn.  
  
"You can't afford me McPhee."  
  
"Oh I don't know about that Pace. Didn't you hear about their big client?" Andie asked.  
  
"What client is this?" He asked looking to Jen and Jack.  
  
"Joey's boyfriend, Ian Grant." Jen said trying not to sound like a teenage girl gushing over the Backstreet Boys.  
  
"Ian Grant, huh?" Pacey whistled.  
  
Emma got up to pour everyone some more wine. She looked to Pacey, "Ian is a very nice guy Jo. When are you going to..." Em stopped talking mid- sentence. No one took much notice until she dropped the bottle of wine. It crashed on the ground.  
  
Pacey jumped up at her side. "Em, baby. Em you okay?" He asked as he helped her to sit down.  
  
"I'm okay," She said quietly. Emma took a deep breath. For a moment her body went very weak, she thought she might fall to the ground. The nausea was intense.  
  
"Can I get something for you Em?" Dawson asked looking to her concerned.  
  
"Thanks but I'm okay." She said.  
  
Jack felt a knot grow in his stomach. He had to ask the question they were all thinking. "Is this normal? I mean, does your treatment make you sick like that?"  
  
Pacey sat beside Emma. She looked into his eyes. He put a hand on her knee and lowered his eyes. He didn't want to hear her say it and he definitely did not want to see the pain and fear cloud his friends expressions.  
  
"It's not my treatments. I stopped having radiation two weeks ago." Emma said. "I didn't want to bring you all here and just drop a bomb on you. I don't really know the perfect way to say this."  
  
Andie leaned in and took her hand. "It's okay Emma, whatever you have to say, say it. We're all here for you."  
  
"I won't survive this thing. The lymphoma has taken over. There is nothing that will cure me." She said feeling a lump form in her own throat.  
  
Andie, Dawson, Jack and Jen were all stunned. No one could speak or move. It was as if someone had put the world on pause.  
  
"What do you mean nothing? I could call you in specialists from all over the world." Dawson said breaking the silence.  
  
"Thank you but it still wouldn't help. I'm past being in denial about this. Right now I'm just concerned with spending what time I have left having fun with all of you and my family."  
  
"What time do you have left?" Jack couldn't help but to ask. He was having an awful deja vu. This moment left him feeling the same way he felt when Chase's doctors said it was only a matter of time before the pnuemonia would kill Chase.  
  
"They think six months or so. I had the option for chemotherapy. The doctors thought I could live a good year but I'd be sicker than I am now."  
  
"Maybe you should go for it," Jen said wiping the tears from her face.  
  
"No. I've decided to give my children a well mother for a shorter period of time rather than a sick one for longer. I don't want them to see me in the hospital or suffering. While I'm here I'm going to spend every moment making them happy."  
  
Andie was in tears. She just hugged Emma. "And we'll all help."  
  
"Thank you. I was hoping you'd say that."  
  
It was looking to be a rough night in Capeside...  
  
"I wish we did live in a movie," Andie said to Dawson as they walked into the guest room of his parents house.  
  
"Why is that?" He asked.  
  
"Because then you could write us one of your happy endings. There is nothing I'd like more than a good old happy ending." She said as the tears began to roll.  
  
Dawson took her into his arms. "I know. I always want to make things okay, put a positive spin on it. How the hell do I do that now? This is an impossible situation." He shared her sadness and cried.  
  
"I ache for them. Poor Pacey, did you see him? I've never seen that much despair in his eyes."  
  
"I can't imagine there is anything in this world that is worse than losing a loved one. It makes me want to hold on to you and never let go." Dawson said suddenly.  
  
Andie looked up into his eyes. "Do you mean that? Do you really mean that?"  
  
He nodded. "I'm a fool Andie. We were both hurting when our son died and we couldn't grieve together. Can we put that behind us? We need each other now more than ever. I want us to be strong for ourselves, for Kat and for Pacey and Emma."  
  
"I love you Dawson, I never stopped. I don't want to imagine a world that you and I aren't together in." With that they shared a kiss.  
  
"I love you Andie."  
  
Jen was restless. Every position she laid in was uncomfortable and no matter how hard she tried she couldn't fall asleep. Emma's words ran through her head at a constant.  
  
The door to her bedroom opened. Light from the hallway came in. Jen squinted to see who stood in the doorway. "Mind if I bunk in here tonight?" Jack asked in a whisper.  
  
She shook her head and moved over. "You okay?"  
  
"No, not at all. You?"  
  
"The same. I'm in shock right now."  
  
"Yeah." He agreed. "This all feels too familiar. I know this sounds so selfish but I don't know if I can take this Jen."  
  
She wrapped her arms around Jack. "No one could ever fault you for feeling like this. You lost someone you love. Of course this would bring those feelings back."  
  
"I look at Pacey and I understand the devastation he's feeling. There is nothing I can say to comfort him Jen. What would I tell him? Time heals? It doesn't. I still think about Chase everyday. Do I tell him she's going to a better place? I don't think there is anything so great about being put in the ground. I'm real selfish, I'd rather have Chase here with me. I'm sure he feels the same way about Emma. I have no words."  
  
"None of us do Jack. We just have to be there with strong shoulders so our friends can lean on them."  
  
"I know. I'm just feeling all weepy and sorry for myself. It will pass. I know that Pacey and Em need us too much to let anything come before that."  
  
In My Life  
  
Part 2  
  
~*~  
  
The previous night had been a painful experience for all. When Emma woke up she felt the distinct need to be cheerful. Quietly she crept from bed and down the stairs. To her surprise the coffee was already brewing and Joey was looking through the newspaper.  
  
"Good morning," Emma said.  
  
"Morning. Hope I didn't wake you up." Jo said as she put the paper down.  
  
"Not at all. I didn't expect you to be up so early."  
  
"Well I think my days of sleeping in are over. Being here, sunshine coming in the room, the sounds of the water, it's all so welcoming. I forgot how nice a Capeside morning was."  
  
Emma smiled. "That they are." She poured herself a cup of coffee. Em sat next to Jo and they chatted about nothing important. Their conversation was interrupted by the entrance of a sleepy Owen. "Good morning."  
  
Owen gave a yawn as he crawled into his mother's lap. "Hello." She kissed his forehead.  
  
"Can I get you some juice O?" Jo asked. He looked to Emma. Joey realized trying to win Owen over was going to be hard. He relied on his mother for everything. He looked to her like a goddess.  
  
"I think Joey just asked you a question kiddo."  
  
"Can I have orange please." He asked.  
  
"You sure can." Jo smiled at him. She got up and went to get the juice from the fridge. "And sleepyhead number two is up."  
  
Gracie made her way down the stairs. She rubbed the sleep from her eyes and let out a yawn. "Hi." She said. "Where's Daddy?" Gracie looked around.  
  
"Still asleep." Emma said.  
  
Owen and Gracie looked to each other. They had Pacey's own devilish grin on their faces. It made Joey laugh. "Come on," Owen said as he hopped out of Emma's lap and the two made their way upstairs.  
  
"They are so much like Pacey." Joey said with a shake of her head.  
  
Emma nodded as she got up from the table. "Yes they are. They get that silliness from him."  
  
Gracie and Owen treated this mission very carefully. They tiptoed down the hall then paused at the door of their parents room. Owen nearly giggled and Gracie clapped her hand over his mouth. Carefully she pushed the door open. Their target laid sound asleep on his back. They looked to each other and nodded. Both began to run as fast as can be and took a flying leap onto the bed and landed directly on Pacey.  
  
He woke up with a start. "Holy..." He yelped.  
  
"Good Morning Daddy." Gracie laughed as she bounced on the bed beside him.  
  
"We got you Daddy." Owen said between giggles.  
  
"Was this your mothers or Aunt Joey's doing?" He asked.  
  
"We did it." Gracie said. Pacey grabbed them both into a bear hug and began to tickle them. The kids shrieked and yelled.  
  
"You little monkeys. Just wait, I'll get you." He said. Gracie hopped down from the bed and Owen followed her lead.  
  
"Got to catch us," Owen said and then ran from the room. Gracie was next out the door and Pacey was hot on their heels.  
  
"You better run because when I catch you I'm going to tickle you like crazy." Pacey said as they he went down the front staircase after them. When he got to the front hallway he looked around. Gracie tried to dart past him. He grabbed her into his arms. Then Owen stood on the bench where they took their shoes off in the winter and hopped on Pacey's back. They were all laughing when the doorbell rang.  
  
With one kid on his back and the other hanging upside down in his arms screaming with delight, Pacey opened the door. Standing on the other side of it was a man Pacey didn't know but who seemed somewhat familiar.  
  
"Um hello." The man said looking from Pacey back to the children.  
  
"Hi. Can I help you?" Pacey asked as he let Gracie down. She ran to the kitchen. Owen still held onto Pacey.  
  
"I'm looking for Joey. I'm Ian." He gave a smile.  
  
"And I'm embarassed. Come on in Ian." Ian walked in and Pacey shut the door behind him. "You'll have to excuse us. We're just getting up."  
  
"That's okay. I know it's kind of early."  
  
Joey came out of the kitchen holding Gracie's hand. "We've come to take Owen. I'll use force if necessary." It was then she looked up to see Ian standing beside Pacey. "Ian? What are you doing here?"  
  
"I told you I'd come to visit. Sorry that I showed up unexpected though. I got some free time." He gave a smile.  
  
"I'll leave the two of you alone. Come on guys, let's go see what Mommy's doing in the kitchen." Pacey said as Gracie followed he and Owen out of the room.  
  
"I had a few days to myself. I just wanted to see you." Ian said as he kissed her cheek.  
  
"I'm glad you thought of me. Did you find a place to stay okay?"  
  
"This great little B&B happened to have a cancellation. Maybe you've heard of Potter's? The place is great."  
  
"I'm glad you're staying over there. Do you want to come in for some breakfast or something?"  
  
"Is that okay?"  
  
Joey nodded. "Of course. Come on in."Joey took his hand and led him to the kitchen.  
  
"Ian you got to meet Pacey briefly." The two men shook hands. "And you know Emma."  
  
"It's nice to see you again." Emma said.  
  
"Same here."  
  
"And these two are Gracie and Owen. Guys this is my good friend Ian Grant."  
  
"Hi," They said in unison looking the visitor over.  
  
"Ian I hope you'll stay for breakfast." Emma offered.  
  
He looked to the family before him. Ian had to know what was going on between them and Joey. He needed to understand the dynamic. "Yes, thank you."  
  
~*~  
  
"I just talked to Emma. You'll never guess who she had breakfast with." Jen said as she flopped back down in the chaise lounger.  
  
Jack lowered his Wayfarers and looked to Jen. "The Queen of England? No, she never visits the U.S. The Dutchess of York? Fergie is everywhere these days." He said.  
  
"What are you mumbling about? Ian Grant showed up in Capeside this morning."  
  
"Our Ian?"  
  
"I think he's Joey's Ian actually." Jen gave a sigh.  
  
"Yeah, ooops. So what's he doing here?"  
  
"I assume visiting Jo."  
  
"You know the better question is what is Joey doing here?" Jack asked suddenly. "I mean why is it that she's staying with Emma and Pacey?"  
  
Jen shook her head. "I don't know. I mean that was the last thing on my mind yesterday."  
  
"I'm curious if Joey will be sticking around for a while or what?"  
  
"I don't know Jack. I have a feeling if we wait that the information will be dropped in our laps."  
  
Dawson and Andie were watching Kat as she jumped rope. They were quiet after spending such a serene evening together last night. Every once in a while they'd look to each other and smile.  
  
"Mother, Father." Kat huffed as she stood before them.  
  
"Yes Daughter." Dawson said.  
  
"Please tell me there is something more to do than just jump rope and stare at that water." She rolled her eyes.  
  
"What is it that you'd like to do?" Andie asked.  
  
Kat put her hand on her forehead and dramatically plopped onto the grass. "This is so tragic. I am spending a beautiful summer day with grown ups."  
  
A voice came from the walk. "Bravo, very dramatic. Congratulations, she's yours Dawson." Pacey laughed as he witnessed Kat's theatrics. He clapped his hands together.  
  
Kat jumped up from the grass and took a bow. "Thank you. At least some knows talent when they see it." Kat had heard her mother talk about recognizing talent all day long. When your mom is an agent "talent" becomes one of the first words out of your mouth.  
  
"I think I've figured out how to make Capeside a little less boring." Pacey gestured to Gracie and Owen who were standing behind him.  
  
"Gracie. Look Mommy, Gracie is here and she brought her little brother. Come on guys, want to play?" Kat asked. The kids ran off in the direction of a toy chest before they could consult any adults.  
  
"My God D-man, you're going to have your hands full." Pacey said shaking his head as he sat next to Dawson and Andie.  
  
"Yeah well you haven't seen anything until you've seen her accept her Academy Award in the mirror. She thinks no one is looking and she'll pick up a bottle of No Tangles and thank God, and us and finally the Academy,"Andie laughed. Dawson and Pacey joined in.  
  
A moment of silence crept in to the conversation. It left the three looking at each other. Dawson couldn't dodge the inveitable question. "How are you?"  
  
"I'm okay." Pacey answered quietly.  
  
"You know if we can do anything." Andie offered. "I was actually thinking perhaps I could come and stay in Capeside for a while."  
  
"Thank you Andie. That's really wonderful of you. Emma has taken care of all of that though."  
  
"She has? What kind of arrangements?"  
  
"Actually Joey is going to be staying with us for a while."  
  
Andie and Dawson looked to each other. Before either could say anything Kat called out, "Mommy, will you please help us set this game up?"  
  
"I'm coming." Andie got up and went to the kids.  
  
"Tell me when I'm overstepping my bounds here Pace but how exactly did the whole Joey thing happen?"  
  
"Honestly, I don't know. One minute my life is fine, the next Em is telling me she needs to go see her mom in New York. Then the next day the two of them show up and our house. When Emma gave me the news she basically told me that Jo was going to be staying with us. I feel like I kinda got suckered."  
  
"I can imagine. And it's not like Emma doesn't know your history. So how are you handling it so far?"  
  
"Fine. I love Jo, don't get me wrong. She's my best friend. But there is no temptation. I love Emma, she's it for me D."  
  
Dawson nodded. "I understand. So Joey is going to help out with the kids then? I can't believe she'd stop her galavanting to hang out with a six year old and a four year old."  
  
"She loves them. And from what I can tell so far they love her. Well Gracie does. Owen is a bit of a Momma's boy." Pacey looked down realizing what he'd just said. "He really loves her." He pinched the bridge of his nose and fought tears.  
  
Dawson put a hand on his shoulder. "It's okay buddy. It's okay."  
  
~*~  
  
Ian and Joey walked back to the B&B together. "They're a nice family Jo."  
  
"Aren't they though. The kids are so great." She smiled proudly.  
  
"They are. But they aren't yours." Ian said suddenly becoming serious.  
  
"So is this what you came here for? To remind me what a disappointment my life is because I'm not married with kids of my own?" She said as she turned to look at him.  
  
"No. I'm just pointing out a fact Jo. Those children have a mother, one that love intensely may I add. I don't think you're seeing the big picture. Emma wants you to be there for them but it's not going to be so easy. You are the outsider there in that house and the kids will treat you as such when they realize they're losing their Mother."  
  
"Thanks for the vote of confidence Ian." She could feel herself trembling. The worst part was she knew that every word was true.  
  
"I'm not here to rip you down Jo. I want to remind you that I love you. I have loved you since the day I saw you getting pushed around in a sea of fans at a concert. You stood there bravely and snapped away with your camera. From that moment I knew I had met my match in you." He took her hands in his now.  
  
Jo let a silent tear run down her face. "I really care about you Ian, you know I do. But I don't love you like I should."  
  
He nodded. "And I have to stop chasing you then. I thought I could love enough for the both of us."  
  
"That's not fair to you. You're too good of a man to deserve this. God, Ian any woman would be lucky to have you."  
  
"I guess any woman except for the one that I want." He sighed.  
  
"I'm sorry, I really am." Without warning he leaned in and kissed her lips.  
  
"I know you are. If there is anything I know about you Jo, it's that you're sincere. Can I give you a little advice?" She nodded. "Don't live through Emma's world. Make one of your own. If you're waiting for Pacey to love you, it's going to take a long time. You may have to spend the next five years of your life being patient, waiting for him. Love like he has with his wife, that doesn't just disappear."  
  
"I know." She said quietly. Ian began to walk ahead of her. "Tell me you're not leaving yet."  
  
"I'm not going anywhere, not yet anyway." He said and turned back in the direction of the B&B.  
  
Joey knew how she could help Ian. She wanted to ease the pain she had caused him. Jo also knew that she was totally alone now. She was on the highwire without a net. 'Dear God give me strength.'  
  
Jen's cell rang. She picked it up as she turned over in her lounge chair. "An Event to Remember, Jennifer Lindley speaking." Jen answered the phone.  
  
"Jen, it's Joey."  
  
"Hey Jo, what's up?"  
  
"I have a huge favor to ask you." Joey said nervously.  
  
"Name it."  
  
"It's kind of a touchy situation. I just broke Ian's heart." Jo sniffled a little feeling guilty and sad. "He's agreed to stay here for a little while. We're still friends and all but he's all alone at the B&B. I'm sure you think he's some sort of macho guy but that is just his public persona. He's so gentle and sensitive. Would you mind checking on him?"  
  
Jen felt bad for Joey and then sudden excitement for herself. "Joey I really don't even know Ian."  
  
"He likes you very much. He said you guys hung out all night at his party. I'd really appreciate it. Just take him for coffee or talk or something. I hate to think of him sitting there all alone."  
  
"Okay. I'll go check on him. One question."  
  
"Shoot."  
  
"What the hell would posess you to break it off with Ian?"  
  
"I'm an idiot Jen. I don't know if I'll ever be able to explain it to you." Jo sighed.  
  
"Okay then. I'm on my way."  
  
"Thanks I owe you one."  
  
Jen couldn't help but think that she was the one who owed Joey one. Of course now that Ian was Joeyless she would never try anything with him. Rule 1: Never date your best friends ex.  
  
Unknown to Jen, Joey was hoping that Jen would break that rule. Jen was great and so was Ian. Perhaps it was just a matter of time before the two of them realized it.  
  
~*~  
  
What ravages of spirit  
  
conjured this temptuous rage  
  
created you a monster  
  
broken by the rules of love  
  
and fate has lead you through it  
  
you do what you have to do  
  
and fate has led you through it  
  
you do what you have to do ...  
  
and I have the sense to recognize that  
  
I don't know how to let you go  
  
every moment marked  
  
with apparitions of your soul  
  
I'm ever swiftly moving  
  
trying to escape this desire  
  
the yearning to be near you  
  
I do what I have to do  
  
the yearning to be near you  
  
I do what I have to do  
  
but I have the sense to recognize  
  
that I don't know how  
  
to let you go  
  
I don't know how  
  
to let you go  
  
a glowing ember  
  
burning hot  
  
burning slow  
  
deep within I'm shaken by the violence  
  
of existing for only you  
  
I know I can't be with you  
  
I do what I have to do  
  
I know I can't be with you  
  
I do what I have to do  
  
and I have sense to recognize but  
  
I don't know how to let you go  
  
I don't know how to let you go  
  
I don't know how to let you  
  
-Do What You Have To Do-Sarah McLachlan-  
  
~*~  
  
Ian sat alone in his room listening to Joey's favorite Sarah McLachlan cd. When he found this song he found the words that went with exactly what he was feeling. He felt absolute dispair over losing Jo but he knew it was just a matter of time. His heart hurt to much to try to hold on any longer. He had always known that she didn't really belong to him, not that Joey Potter had ever belonged to anyone but certainly not to him.  
  
A soft rap came at the door. "I'm all set with towels, thank you."  
  
"It's a good thing that I don't have any then." Jen said. "Ian, it's Jen Lindley, Joey's friend."  
  
Ian opened the door. He took Jen's breath away for a moment. He was in a pair of dark jeans with a Manhattan cuff. His shirt was a fitted black tee. "Come on in." He said stepping aside. Then he shut the door. "You know everytime you talk to me you assume I have no idea who you are. You always announce yourself as Joey's friend. You're Jennifer Lindley, the owner of An Event to Remember, Jennifer Lindley who can plan a mean party and Jennifer Lindley with the great sense of style. You don't have to identify yourself with Jo so I remember, I have a good memory and I remember lots of things."  
  
Jen thought she would pass out now. His intense eyes were burning holes right through her body. "You certainly know how to stroke a girls ego. As nice as that was it wasn't what I came here for. I was wondering if you'd like to go grab a cup of coffee or something."  
  
"That's a really sweet offer but I don't want you here as some sort of a pity thing. I'm sure Jo called you. Thank you for being so nice but I can imagine you have like a million other things you'd rather be doing than babysitting some guy your friend just broke up with."  
  
Jen couldn't believe how unaware Ian was of his own appeal. "It's kind of sad but I can't imagine anything I'd like more than to babysit the guy that my friend just broke up with. I know, sad life. So get your butt in gear Mister."  
  
Ian smiled and bent down to put his boots on. Jen couldn't help but watch him put his butt in gear. Ian snapped her out of her trance, "Ready to go?" She nodded and the two were off.  
  
~*~  
  
The gang had spent the entire week in Capeside enjoying each others company and ignoring the fact that Emma was sick. Even Ian joined them in such traditions as movie night and a sail on Pacey's boat, Lady Emma. Promises of a gathering at Thanksgiving time were made.  
  
Jen and Jack returned to New York. Their business was quickly approaching the busy season. Jen had become fast friends with Ian. He had been pretty heartbroken over Joey's choice to not only stay in Capeside but to live a life separate from him. Joey made a point of calling Ian and Jen to encourage them to hang out.  
  
Jack had been feeling a little lost in the shuffle. Ian and Jen always invited him to join in whatever they were doing. Inevitably he felt like the third wheel.  
  
In Los Angeles, Dawson and Andie were doing much better. They were both still busy but always found time for themselves and Kat.  
  
A newfound passion was developed between the duo. Dawson had taken to writing love letters again. Andie was wearing her hair down, her skirts were getting shorter and she had ceased from searching for crow's feet. Being this in love again was making her feel ten years younger.  
  
Meanwhile in Capeside, Emma realized that Jo might be getting a little bored. Since she had been with the Witter's Jo had only done a handful of assignments for Rolling Stone. In mid-September Emma got the idea to create a little dark room for Jo. She found the perfect spot in a storage room in the basement. Emma, Pacey and the kids surprised Jo with it after dinner one night.  
  
Joey found herself liking Emma more and more. They were growing very close. She observed Emma's day to day life and tried to help out as much as possible. Jo felt she needed to know which kid liked chunky peanut butter and which liked creamy. Emma knew all of those little things, Jo fought hard to remember any one of them.  
  
Emma had left her job. It was a sad decision for her, one she did not take lightly. Teaching had been a huge part of her life but getting things in order and resting during the day so she'd have energy for the kids took priority. Emma volunteered in a clinic for underpriveledged children twice a week. She also took to reading a book at story hour in the public library on Wednesdays. Finally she was the classroom mom at Owen's nursery school on Monday's. Just hearing that schedule tired out Jo.  
  
Joey had taken to sketching a lot. She also tagged along to some of Emma's volunteer gigs. Most of all in her spare time she was getting to know Alexander again. He would take her for rides in his car and she would watch his football games. Joey was even having Bodie teach her how to cook on the sly. She didn't want anyone to tease her about her less than gourmet efforts.  
  
Pacey watched Emma and Joey get close. He liked the fact that they relied on each other so much. Things hadn't been easy for him though. He watched his wife grow weaker and weaker. She would tire out by nine. It scared him. He knew she was in pain more than she would tell anyone. It was clearly written on her face but she'd never say it. How Pacey wanted to take that pain from her.  
  
All he could do was enjoy her and their children together. Emma refused to let him take a leave from his duties at the office. As time wore on he decided he would be doing all research and strategy from his home office. Sometime after Thanksgiving he decided he would not be taking the trip into Boston on a daily basis. His partner and firm leader, Bobby Donnell had agreed that it would be best. Pacey hadn't been able to keep his mind on a case since August when Emma had told him she was dying.  
  
Now it was mid November. Mrs. Ryan, Emma, Jo, and Gale Leery had been discussing the Thanksgiving feast. It had finally been decided that they would have a homecooked meal and house the dinner at Leery's Fresh Fish. It was still two weeks until anyone would be home for the holiday.  
  
Joey was in the kitchen at the Witter's when the phone rang. She clicked the cordless on and placed it to her ear. "Witter residence." She answered.  
  
"Jo, is that you?" Jen asked.  
  
Jo sipped her glass of milk and then responded. "It's me Jen. What's up?"  
  
"Not much. I was just about to make my travel arrangements for Thanksgiving when I had a thought."  
  
Jen sounded nervous. Jo took a deep breath anticpating what Jen would ask her. "Yeah?"  
  
"Well Ian just got back from London. I was wondering if you'd mind him joining us all in Capeside for the holiday."  
  
Jo had a vision of last Thanksgiving with Ian. They were in London. Joey had mentioned how she wished she had gotten a chance to celebrate the holiday with her family and friends at home. Ian called some American friends of his to find out what exactly they serve on this holiday. He had an American cuisine restaurant prepare all of them. She was so surprised to find them set at a beautiful table. The two ate and drank until they were stuffed silly. Then they made love until they fell asleep. It was wonderful.  
  
Joey sighed. She had to remember she was the one who let him go. He had deserved more than her indecisiveness. "Jen I think that is a great idea. Ian has never had a real Thanksgiving on American soil. It being an American holiday and all."  
  
"Great Jo. I would hate to leave him all alone."  
  
"I'm glad the two of you have become friends. He needs someone he can trust."  
  
"Well I can't wait to see you girl. I should run I have a full afternoon."  
  
"I vaguely remember those." Jo sighed.  
  
"Are you okay there?"  
  
"I'm fine. My afternoons are full of snack times and volunteer work. I've read two books and sketched more than I care to discuss. It's not exactly the lifestyle I'm used to. Alright I'm going to stop bitching now. I'll see you soon Jen." The two hung up.  
  
~*~  
  
This same time one year ago Andie and Dawson had lost their son. Andie remembered the pain it had caused them. They were finally getting back to some semblance of a normal life. She didn't know how what she had to tell Dawson was going to affect them. Perhaps this wasn't the best time to make waves in their relationship.  
  
"So I've decided on my Thanksgiving ensemble." Kat announced from the doorway of the bedroom. It was nearly bed time.  
  
Andie smiled. If there was one thing Kat loved it was clothes. She was constantly being showered with designer duds from friends and Dawson. He couldn't help but spoil her. "What have you picked?"  
  
"Well since we're going to Capeside I plan on looking very East Coast." She said wisely. Kat was nearly six and could outdress and outspeak most fifteen year olds. "I want to wear that Burberry's jumper Daddy got me with the matching bucket hat."  
  
"That sounds very nice. Good choice." Andie said.  
  
"I think so. I love the Burberry's print. And the hat is so awesome. I wonder if Daddy picked it out all by himself?" Kat said as she sat on the bed beside Andie.  
  
"Daddy has great taste. Of course I did." Dawson said from the door.  
  
"Daddy," She shrieked happily. "I never thought you'd get home."  
  
Dawson scooped her into his arms and planted a kiss on her cheek. "I promised I'd be home before bed time. And here I am." Dawson leaned over and gave Andie a kiss. She smiled at him in return.  
  
"Kathryn I think you'd better go brush your teeth and wash your face before bed. Daddy and I will be right in." Andie said.  
  
Kat sighed. "Mother must you always address my beauty regimen in such a simple manner?"  
  
"I'm sorry your highness."  
  
Kat looked to Dawson and whispered, "Watch out for Mom, Meow." She made a cat sound and moved her hand like a paw indicating her mother's poor mood. Quickly she exited the bedroom.  
  
Dawson looked to Andie and mimicked Kat. "So what was all that about?"  
  
"Nothing I guess I'm being a bit of a grouch today. I love Kat, she's very unique but today was not a day for her to push my buttons."  
  
Dawson sat on the bed beside her. "I'd like to push all of your buttons," He whispered sexily in her ear. They shared a warm kiss. Andie laid back on the bed and allowed Dawson free reign over her body.  
  
Suddenly she tensed underneath him. "We've got to go tuck Kat in."  
  
"Then we've got to come back to this." He gave her one last kiss.  
  
After being suckered into the longest bedtime story ever Dawson and Andie were able to make it back to their room. Dawson was yet again all hands. Andie pushed him away.  
  
"We have to talk." She said seriously.  
  
"I think we talk entirely too much," He smiled then realized she wasn't laughing. "So how much will I hate this conversation?"  
  
Andie shrugged. Then a tear streaked her face. "I don't want to tell you this because I'm not even sure how it makes me feel yet."  
  
He took her hand. "Andie we're in this together, whatever it is."  
  
"I'm pregnant Dawson, I'm pregnant." She cried softly.  
  
Dawson looked to her for a moment with confusion written all over his face. Then it softened into a smile. "Why are you crying? Andie I can't think of anything better than a baby."  
  
She looked into his eyes. "Really? I just thought with the anniversary of losing our son and all."  
  
"This is the best news you could've given me."  
  
"You really mean that?" Andie began to wipe some of her tears away.  
  
"I really mean that. I look at Kat and I get excited just thinking of what this baby will be like."  
  
"But what if this baby isn't meant to be, just like the last? I don't know if I can make it through another loss like that one."  
  
"We can't think like that. If something horrible like that happens Andie we have each other though. But let's be positive."  
  
"I promise to try."  
  
"That's all I ask." Dawson enveloped her into his warm arms.  
  
~*~  
  
Many miles away from Los Angeles in Capeside, Emma finished putting the kids to bed. Pacey was laying on their bed looking over some paperwork. She couldn't help but smile when she saw him in nothing but his boxer briefs reading the papers intently.  
  
In one move she pulled her nightshirt over head and off. She was now standing in front of Pacey completely nude. Pacey looked up to her. When his eyes caught the breathtaking sight before him his mouth fell wide open.  
  
"Not that I'm complaining one bit here hun but whatcha doin'?" He asked.  
  
"Getting your attention." She smiled.  
  
He quickly dropped the papers to the floor. "You have my undivided attention." Emma straddled Pacey and they shared a kiss. The both of them laughed like teenagers as their hands explored each other at length. Finally they were able to discard Pacey's boxer briefs. Emma set the pace of their lovemaking.  
  
While in the midst of their intimate encounter Emma raised her chest off of Pacey and threw her head back. Pacey was taken in the moment when suddenly he heard a loud sob come from Emma. Before he could react she had collapsed against his chest. Quickly Pacey rolled them over on their sides.  
  
"Emma, are you okay? Did I hurt you?" He asked in a panic as he tipped her chin up so he could see her eyes.  
  
They were shut tight and tears were streaming down. "No, no. Sorry." She could barely get out between sobs. Pacey knew she couldn't answer until she calmed down. He softly cooed in her ear and held her tight to him. He could feel every sob that wracked her body deep within his own. Nearly fifteen minutes later she had calmed down enough to talk. "Pacey, I'm so, so sorry."  
  
"Don't you dare apologize to me Em. You never have anything to be sorry for. Just tell me what's going on."  
  
"I don't want to lay this on you Pace. It's not fair." She cried.  
  
"Lay what on me? I want you to talk to me Em. We've never had secrets from each other, we've never held anything back. This is far from the time to be starting."  
  
She nodded in agreement. "One minute I was making love to you, feeling every part of our love but then the next I'm reminding myself that soon enough I'll be too weak, too sick to be this close to you. I know that's not what we're all about but I relish this Pace. I love the physicality. I'm cramming a lifetime of lovemaking with you and a lifetime of being with my children and whatever else into the smallest window of time."  
  
He now had tears in his eyes also. Pacey kissed Emma with renewed passion. "I know, I know. But we can't focus on that right now. Let's enjoy every moment. And you have to tell me these things when you feel them baby, otherwise I have no idea what is going on. I'd like to think we're more connected than that."  
  
Emma laid on her back with her legs still tangled in Pacey's. She wiped her face dry of any tears. Em let her hand push through Pacey's hair. He leaned forward to kiss her bare stomach. "Have I traumatized you sexually?" She gave a small laugh.  
  
"Traumatized me? You are talking to Pacey J. Witter." He tried to laugh off the episode.  
  
Emma joined in the laughter. "I almost forgot." She pulled him to her for a kiss. "Can we try again or should we leave well enough alone?"  
  
Pacey looked to Emma's beautiful bare body. It pained him to see her loss of weight and muscle tone. She was still the best looking woman he'd ever seen. "There is nothing I want more than to spend the night ravaging you Mrs. Witter."  
  
"I told you not to call me that in bed. It makes me feel like your mother." She rolled her eyes.  
  
"Now that puts a damper in my arousal." They both got into a fit of laughter. Laughter through tears was their favorite emotion lately.  
  
~*~  
  
Jack was putting the finishing touches on some sample centerpieces for a wedding he was doing. Jen strolled in from her evening out with Ian. They had gone to check out a band in St. Mark's Place and have a few drinks. Jack declined their invitation.  
  
Jen felt a little guilty that she was out having fun with the incredibly sexy Ian Grant when Jack was home perfecting centerpieces and drinking Merlot by himself. She knew Jack was in rough shape when she heard the voice of radio disc jockey Delilah in the background.  
  
"I think I have some news that will cheer you up." Jen smiled as she snatched Jack's glass of Merlot and took a sip.  
  
"George Clooney and Mark Wahlberg have been having a torrid affair, they're looking for a third and they have my number." Jack sighed as he cut florists foam. "On the down side they'd get you and I'd be out on my ass."  
  
"So is that your not so subtle way of telling me, what exactly are you telling me?" Jen was more confused than ever.  
  
"Nothing." He said pissily as he put the arrangements in the fridge to keep overnight. "I will tell you that it's time to get your roots done though." Jack left the kitchen and then slammed into the bathroom.  
  
Jen was left stunned and all alone. She wasn't going to let Jack attack her to get out of telling her what was really wrong. Jen stormed into the bathroom just as the shower turned on. She pulled back the curtain to find Jack soaping himself. He froze.  
  
"You can't just yell at me and then run out. What exactly is going on Jack?"  
  
He leaned against the shower wall and dropped his sponge. "Good old jealousy. And it's not because I want Ian or anything but I miss you." He sighed angry with himself. "It's not that I begrudge you any happiness at all. You deserve it but I guess I always thought we'd be miserable together."  
  
Jen felt some relief. "Jack I'm practically married to you. No one can take that away from us. Not even the alluring Mr. Grant. He's a friend, that's it. I'm sorry if you feel left out. Maybe it's time that we both found things to occupy our little bit of free time. And maybe it's time you bite the bullet and start dating again."  
  
"Maybe, just maybe you're right Lindley. But where do I start?"  
  
"We'll figure it out." Jen gave Jack a big wet hug. "Now I'll leave you to soap your twig and berries all by yourself." Jen closed the curtain and began to make her way out of the bathroom. "You were right about the root thing."  
  
"I'll make an you an appointment with Oribe in the morning," Jack said. "I bet Ian Grant wouldn't know where to make your hair appointment."  
  
Jen laughed. "If I was with Ian Grant we'd never leave the bedroom, my hair would be the last thing on my mind." With that she made her exit.  
  
~*~  
  
Joey picked up the ringing phone as she exited her darkroom. "Witter residence."  
  
"Mrs. Witter?" A voice asked.  
  
"Mrs. Witter is out. Can I take a message?"  
  
"This is Mrs. Thomas at the Capeside Public Library. It is Mrs. Witter's afternoon to read a story and she's running a little late. I was wondering if we should wait for her or shall we begin?"  
  
"I'm not sure. I haven't heard from Emma all day. If I do, I'll have her call you." Jo said feeling a knot form in her stomach.  
  
"Well thank you." The two women hung up.  
  
Joey knew that Emily had left to run errands early in the day. There must be damn good reason why she didn't make it to the library. Jo punched in the phone number to Em's cell phone.  
  
"You've reached the cellular phone of me, Emma Witter. If you'd like to leave a message wait for the beep and I'll make sure to get back to you. And if this is Pacey Witter, no I absolutely won't do it." Em's cheerful voice answered her voice messages.  
  
"Emma this is Joey. Mrs. Thomas from the Library called. She says you're running late so I'm a little worried, a trait I'm picking up for you. As soon as you get a chance call me at the house or on my cell, I'll be waiting." Jo said into the phone.  
  
She ran upstairs and looked out into the driveway and then in the garage for Emma's car. In a panic Jo decided to take a drive into town to see if she could find Emma. Carefully she searched the streets and shops of Capeside. Looking to her watch she realized she only had forty minutes before Mrs. Campbell, the carpool mom this week would be dropping the kids off. Finally Jo spotted Em's car. It was parked just behind the drug store on Main Street.  
  
Joey parked her own car on the street and walked back into the small parking lot. She was surprised to see Emma sitting in the passenger seat. As Jo got closer she could see Emma sitting upright with her eyes shut. Panic crept into her bones as her first thought was Emma was dead. Joey began to frantically pound at the window when she realized the doors were locked.  
  
"Emma, open up. Emma." Joey yelled. She startled her and Emma looked to Joey. It took her a moment before she was cohherent enough to open the car door. "Are you okay? Tell me you're okay." Joey said never giving the woman a chance to speak. Tightly she grabbed Emma into a hug. "We're okay."  
  
"Yes we are Jo. I'm sorry to have scared you." Em said feeling Joey shake violently against her.  
  
"It's okay. Are you okay?"  
  
"Yes. I got very tired very suddenly. I decided to close my eyes a minute. " Emma jumped. "Oh God, what time is it? I'm supposed to be at the library by one."  
  
"It's almost two fifteen. How long have you been asleep?"  
  
Emma hesitated. "I got back in the car before twelve thirty. I'm okay though, I'm gonna get up and get some air. You go ahead home for the kids." Em began to stand when she fell back a little. She had been getting these spells of weakness.  
  
"I'm not going anywhere without you. Let's get in my car." Jo grabbed Em's purse and keys. Then she guided her friend to the vehicle. "When is the last time you ate?"  
  
"This morning I had toast. That's about all I can handle lately."  
  
"And did it stay down?"  
  
Emma shook her head. "I don't want Pacey to know about this. He'll only worry."  
  
"Isn't that kind of his job."  
  
"No. It's my job. His job is the kids and himself. I'll be okay Jo, I've got you here now and that is what counts. I thank God for you everyday."  
  
Joey nodded. She felt profound sadness at this moment. Emma's illness hung heavier in the air than ever. Jo knew they were dealing with an incredibly short amount of time.  
  
~*~  
  
As time wore on Emma only got sicker. She tried hard to hide her symptoms from Pacey. Eventually he sprung the news that he wouldn't be traveling into Boston daily. Even Owen and Gracie were realizing just how sick their Mommy was becoming.  
  
On Thanksgiving everyone tried hard to be upbeat. Looking at how tired and frail Emma was becoming made that increasingly difficult. It was because of the somber mood at Thanksgiving that Dawson and Andie decided to keep the news of her pregnancy until Christmas.  
  
Pacey looked tired himself. It was as though his exhaustion was from trying to slay demons. Unfortunately it was a losing battle, he couldn't fight a demon that was so good at hiding itself. Now he was resigned to living with the fact he was losing Em. Instead of battling the unseen evil he wanted to hold her and his children until he had to let go.  
  
Joey was making it easier on Pace. They spent many night sitting on the porch talking, sometimes laughing after everyone was in bed. She made him laugh and she loved his children, two very important things. Joey was the best medicine for Pacey.  
  
She was fitting very nicely into their family. Emma and Joey had developed a routine. The children were used to it. Even Owen was warming up to Jo's charm. There were times when Pacey would find Emma watching Jo with the kids. A sadness would flash in her eyes that broke his heart. He knew she was imagining a future she knew she could never take part in with them.  
  
Back in New York, Jack was dating again. Thanks to Jen's darkened roots needing color, he'd met a nice guy at the Oribe Salon. He and this handsome man had gone on two dates but realized fast there was no spark. Instead of becoming lovers they settled for being friends. Jack was happy to have another gay friend, it had been a long time. Sam, his new friend, was taking Jack out to re-explore New York nightlife.  
  
As for Jen, she was discovering Ian Grant. The two were spending every moment together or so it seemed. He was even teaching her how to play the piano. Jen vehemently denied any hanky panky using the fact that he was Jo's ex as an excuse. When the two weren't together because Ian had to fly off to some exotic locale they were linked by phone or e-mail.  
  
Joey had noticed their closeness at Thanksgiving. She knew a trip to New York was in order. Jen and Ian were developing feelings and she refused to be the one in the way of that. She would make them realize their potential to be a wonderful couple.  
  
Jo called Jack and made arrangements to stay with them once in New York. She had Christmas shopping to do in the city anyway. In two days she would be in NYC playing both matchmaker and Santa Claus. Nothing like killing two birds with one stone.  
  
~*~  
  
"Ready for bed doodlebugs?" Jo asked as she came out of her room.  
  
"Aunt Jo where's Mommy?" Gracie asked.  
  
"She's in her room. Mommy's real tired so we're gonna tuck her in. How does that sound?" Jo asked with a smile.  
  
"Okay." Gracie said without much enthusiasm. The little girl missed being so active with her Mother.  
  
"What about you little man, ready to tuck Mommy in?"  
  
"No," He shook his head. "Want Mommy to tuck me in."  
  
Pacey came out from their bedroom. "I'm going to tuck you in but Mommy is very tired, okay?" Pacey picked Owen up and gave him a kiss on the forehead.  
  
The four of them headed into the room. Emma laid above the covers about to dose off it seemed. She was dressed in pajama pants, a tee shirt and a terrycloth rob. She opened her eyes to see them all approaching her.  
  
Immediately she felt bad for laying here, making everyone come to her. "Hey guys. You headed to bed?"  
  
"They certainly are." Jo answered.  
  
"Teeth brushed, faces washed?" She asked.  
  
"Yes." Gracie and Owen answered in unison.  
  
"Kisses then." Em said with a smile.  
  
Pacey had Owen lifted over Emma like superman or something. "Night Mommy."  
  
"Night O. I love you." She hugged him.  
  
"I love you."  
  
"O, do you feel okay?" He nodded. "Pace does he feel warm to you?"  
  
Pacey put his hand on Owen's forehead and then back. "A little but he was just running around with Gracie here."  
  
Gracie came to the side of the bed. "Goodnight Mommy. I hope you feel better soon. I hate when you're sick, it makes us all kinda sad." She said looking down.  
  
"Me too," Em got choked up. "Goodnight Gracie. I love you."  
  
Jo and Pacey ushered the kids off to bed. Emma fell sound asleep before Pacey got back to bed. When he laid beside her he covered her up. Then he watched her sleep for a while. Like he did every night he committed another one hundred and one things about her to memory.  
  
It was late when Em awoke to the sound of crying. She opened her eyes to see the bedside clock read, three a.m. Down the hall she heard the crying again. Pacey was not in bed beside her. Emma pulled herself up and out of bed carefully. She made her way outside the room and down the hall.  
  
The cries were coming from the bathroom. Emma stood in the doorway. The floor was and toilet was covered in vomit. Joey was holding Owen as Pacey tried to get his messy clothes off of him. All the while the little boy screamed for his mother. He looked up to see her standing before them.  
  
"Mommy! Mommy I sick." He cried harder and outstretched his arms to her.  
  
Quickly Em stripped his shirt off then snatched him from Joey. He felt like a million pounds to her but she found the strength to hold him. "It's okay baby boy. It's okay. It's just a little upchuck, isn't it? Are all the yuckies gone or do you have to do more?"  
  
"All gone," He cried. Owen had worked himself up into such a frenzy that he cried so hard it was causing him to choke and gag.  
  
"Okay. We have to take your temperature and clean you up. Can you help Mommy do that?"  
  
Jo and Pacey looked to each other. He refused to wake Emma up for this. Now that she was up she had taken completely over. Owen only wanted her. He shuddered to think what would happen when that was impossible. Even Joey couldn't calm him.  
  
"I'll go grab him some fresh p.j.'s" Jo said and left the room.  
  
"O, what do you say you come to Daddy?" Pacey said worried that he was putting too much strain on Em.  
  
"No. No, Mommy." He screamed bloody murder.  
  
"Come on buddy." Pacey put his hand on him.  
  
"Let it go Pace. We're okay." Em shot him a look as though she were angry with him. He backed off. "Can you set a lukewarm bath?" He nodded and knelt by the tub.  
  
When Joey returned from Owen's room, Emma had him calmly in the tub. Pacey was getting him to slowly drink a glass of water and take a children's tylenol. She didn't want to intrude knowing this was not her place so she put the pajamas on the sink and left.  
  
After his bath and fresh change of p.j.'s Owen was much better. Pacey carried him to his bed. Owen was at peace because he knew that his mother was right there with him. Pacey kissed his forehead goodnight.  
  
"Don't go yet Mommy." Owen pleaded with her.  
  
Emma sat on the bed next to him. Pacey quietly exited the room. He found Jo loitering in the hall and stood with her a moment. "I know what you want. Will you sing it with me?" Owen shook his head indicating he wanted his mother to sing alone. She softly began the lullabye she'd sang him since birth.  
  
Baby mine, don't you cry.  
  
Baby mine, dry your eyes.  
  
Rest your head close to my heart,  
  
never to part, baby of mine.  
  
Little one, when you play,  
  
pay no heed what they say.  
  
Let your eyes sparkle and shine,  
  
never a tear, baby of mine.  
  
If they knew all about you,  
  
they'd end up loving you, too.  
  
All those same people who scold you,  
  
what they'd give just for the right to hold you.  
  
From your hair down to your toes,  
  
you're not much, goodness knows.  
  
But, you're so precious to me,  
  
sweet as can be, baby of mine.  
  
Emma's voice was soft and gentle. Unknown to her, Pacey and Joey stood outside the door. Both of them were enraptured in the soft melodic strains of the song. Em's voice captured all the pain and love of that moment. When she finished Owen was fast asleep.  
  
Joey knew in an instant she was fooling herself. How could she ever live up to that? Emma was the best mother she'd ever seen. That demonstrated just how much she would do for her child.  
  
At the same moment Pacey could feel the knife twisting in his heart. This was one more reason God couldn't take his wife away. Who would ever sing Baby Mine to a sick four year old when they are sicker than anything themselves? Who could ever calm Owen just by being there the way Em did? No one. That was the answer. Owen only wanted one person, not his father, not his new Aunt, just his mother. That was not a lot for a kid to ask for.  
  
Emma gave Owen a kiss on the forehead and covered him up better. Quietly she crept from his bedroom. She wanted to now go clean the bathroom. Instead she ran directly into Pacey and Joey. Both looked guilty knowing they had intruded on a moment. Without a word Em was going to bypass them. Instead Pacey put a hand on her shoulder.  
  
"I'll clean it. Go to bed, okay?"  
  
"I'll clean it. You go to bed." She sighed and went into the bathroom. With a shrug of her shoulders Jo headed to bed.  
  
Pacey went to their room and sat on the edge of the bed waiting for his wife. When Emma finally made her way back to the room she was only in a towel. Without a word she went into her bottom drawer and pulled out a fresh nightshirt. She slipped it over her head.  
  
"Are you going to talk to me?" He asked. She just looked to him. "I don't understand if you're mad."  
  
"Pacey he worked himself up into a frenzy screaming for me. Why is it that neither of you decided to wake me?" Em finally said.  
  
"We thought we could handle it. You were so exhausted. Joey was trying to calm him down."  
  
Without much thought she spat, "Well Joey's not his mother. And as long as I have breath in my body my babies will never scream like that for me." She took a deep breath.  
  
"I'm sorry Emma. I really am." He said realizing that she felt left out and useless.  
  
"I know, I know. This isn't your fault but I need to be there for them. This is it Pace, I'm going and I'm going soon. I need every last experience I can have with them. Even if that does include vomit and lullabyes."  
  
He nodded. Emma laid beside him. This time she curled herself into his arms. They cried themselves to sleep, together.  
  
~*~  
  
As the end of Andie's first trimester neared, the morning sickness that plagued her came to an end. It was 6:30 a.m. when Andie got up to get ready for work. After brushing her teeth she caught a glimpse of herself in the full length mirror.  
  
Andie ran her hands over her still flat stomach. She remembered what it was like to have a little belly and a new life inside of her.  
  
Dawson watched quietly from the doorway. Life was constantly changing for he and Andie. At least the changes now were good ones. They were bringing a new life into the world and it made him feel so alive.  
  
"If you're worried it doesn't look as though you've gained an ounce," He said startling her.  
  
"You shouldn't sneak up on me like that." She turned back to the mirror. "I don't care how fat I get. I just want our baby to be okay."  
  
"And he or she will." Dawson stood smiling before her. "I hate to sound like I'm rushing you but when do we start telling the world about this?"  
  
"I thought we agreed on Christmas."  
  
"I know. It just feels like two weeks is a lifetime to wait."  
  
Andie kissed Dawson's lips. "You're just like a little boy."  
  
"I'm not sure, is that bad?"  
  
"No, not at all. That was part of the reason I fell in love with you."  
  
"And here I thought you only wanted me for my body." He laughed.  
  
"That helped." Andie hugged him close to her. Dawson let a hand slide down to her midsection.  
  
"I hope dinner with Jo won't be too uncomfortable for you. Jack just kind of announced that Jo was coming this morning." Jen said as she prepared chicken for dinner.  
  
Ian hopped onto the counter and popped a piece of tomato into his mouth. "Stop apologizing. You know Jo and I are still friends, we talk quite a bit. And I thought I was doing a damn good job of getting over her."  
  
"You were, you are. I'm sure it's just been hard and I don't want to make it harder." Jen said.  
  
"Yeah well having you as a friend has helped out a lot Jen. In no time you'll have me saying Joey who?" He gave a laugh.  
  
"Like the rest of my exes." Jo gave a sigh as she walked into the kitchen.  
  
Ian felt like a major jerk. "Sorry luv. That was my macho a**hole side." He jumped down from the counter to give her a hug and a kiss.  
  
"That's okay, then you won't mind when my strong willed b*tchy side makes an apperance." She said.  
  
"I always liked that side of you in fact."  
  
Jen suddenly felt like she was cast aside. Joey had the starring role tonight for Ian. He immediately engaged her in a conversation.  
  
Jo looked to Jen. "So do I even get a hug? I've missed you more than you'll ever know."  
  
"Me?" Jen asked.  
  
"Don't look so surprised Lindley. I need you in Capeside. I'm at a loss doing all of those domestic things. I have Gracie giving me pointers."  
  
"Well I can teach you a few good tricks before you go home. Speaking of the children, how are they?"  
  
Joey thought of the episode last night. "They're okay. They don't really understand just how sick Em is though. She's decided not to tell them she's going to die just yet."  
  
"I can't even imagine how hard that will be," Jack said as he poured them all wine. "At least Chase and I never had any children."  
  
"I can't imagine that it's any easier." Ian said as he sipped from his glass of wine.  
  
"You're right." Jack sighed.  
  
"Dinner is done people. We should go sit and eat before it gets cold." Jen said as she put the chicken and veggies on platters.  
  
~*~  
  
It was nearly midnight when Jen and Jo began to chat while painting their toes in Jen's room. Jen noticed that Jo was more quiet than usual.  
  
"Jo are you okay?" Jen asked.  
  
She nodded. "Why do you ask?"  
  
"You've just been pretty quiet since you got here. I hope seeing Ian here didn't upset you."  
  
"No, Ian didn't upset me. Actually Ian is great, I was happy to see him."  
  
"Well then spill it, what's up?"  
  
Jo let out a sigh and put the top back on the polish. "We had a little incident last night."  
  
"What kind of an incident? Is everyone okay?" She asked with concern.  
  
"Everyone is fine. Last night Owen came down with this flu bug. He was really sick to his stomach. Pacey and I made the mistake of not waking up Emma. Owen screamed and cried for her, I guess he was just making himself worse. He was all worked up and Emma came into the bathroom. She was less than thrilled with us. But that wasn't what upset me. Just because she was her and she was there, he was calm. She bathed him, soothed him, hell she even sang his favorite lullaby."  
  
"And?" Jen was lost for a moment.  
  
"And she wants me to be there for those children and for Pacey but I haven't the first clue how to do it. I'll never be able to bring half of what she has to their lives."  
  
"Maybe Emma doesn't expect you to be her. Maybe she chose you because you're Joey, with your own unique perspectives and way of life. And maybe, just maybe it's your heart and the way you love those kids that's important to her." Jen said taking Jo's hand.  
  
"I hope you're right." Jo paused for a moment and then looked to Jen. "Speaking of hearts, have you discovered Ian's soft, sensitive one yet?"  
  
Jen looked a bit shocked. "What do you mean by that Jo?"  
  
"I mean Ian's a great guy, good heart, better body, and talent to spare. So what's taking you so long to make a move? You've been hanging out since August." Jo said.  
  
Now Jen thought she was going to die of a heart attack. "Jo what are you talking about? Ian is your ex. I would never move in on him. Beside we don't think of each other like that."  
  
"That is the biggest load of BS I've ever heard. What is there not to like about him. He's awesome."  
  
"If he's so great why did you break up with him?" Jen questioned suspiciously.  
  
"Because he was much too good for me and I'm extremely dumb. Jen I know he likes you. It's so obvious. And why shouldn't he. You're a knockout. Look at yourself would ya? I'd never guess you were a day over twenty five, you're intelligent as all hell, successful." Jo looked as though she were deep in thought for a moment. "If you were a man I'd date you."  
  
They both laughed now. "Nope Potter, you're too complicated for me." Jen said. "So you think I should go after Ian?"  
  
"I don't think you'll have to go after Ian. You already have him. Maybe you should just clue him into the fact that you're ready for more."  
  
Jen felt free. She felt inspired. Jen Lindley was nearly ready to face the fact that she had fallen hard for Ian Grant. At first he was a celebrity, a hard body and a clever mind. In the past months he'd become so much more.  
  
~*~  
  
Capeside was covered in a thick white blanket of snow. There had been enough of the white stuff to warrant a snow day for the children of Capeside. Pacey, Gracie and Owen had gotten up early and had breakfast. Happily the two tried to help their father shovel the walks. They caused more of a mess than they had cleaned.  
  
Emma was in the kitchen. She looked to the clock on the wall. It was nearly ten a.m. She hoped Joey would have no problems getting home from New York with all of the snow. She then turned from the clock to the window. Pacey and the kids gave up shoveling. They were now making a snowman. A smile crossed her lips as she watched the three play. Owen and Grace would throw snow at Pacey. He, in turn would grab them and plop them into a pile of snow.  
  
She prayed that Grace and Owen would always be as happy as they were now. Em didn't want her children to lose any of their youth or childhood idealism.  
  
I hope you never lose your sense of wonder,  
  
You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger,  
  
May you never take one single breath for granted,  
  
GOD forbid love ever leave you empty handed,  
  
I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,  
  
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens,  
  
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance,  
  
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.  
  
I hope you dance....I hope you dance.  
  
I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance,  
  
Never settle for the path of least resistance  
  
Livin' might mean takin' chances but they're worth takin',  
  
Lovin' might be a mistake but it's worth makin',  
  
Don't let some hell bent heart leave you bitter,  
  
When you come close to sellin' out reconsider,  
  
Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance,  
  
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.  
  
I hope you dance....I hope you dance.  
  
I hope you dance....I hope you dance.  
  
(Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along,  
  
Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder where those years have gone.)  
  
I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,  
  
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens,  
  
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance,  
  
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.  
  
Dance....I hope you dance.  
  
I hope you dance....I hope you dance.  
  
I hope you dance....I hope you dance..  
  
She had no idea how long she had just stood staring at her family. Emma contemplated putting on her coat and joining them. The back gate opened at that moment. It was Joey. She looked beautiful in a black pea coat and beret style hat. Emma could see her greeting everyone. Suddenly she put her bags down. Then she was hit with a snowball. That led to her chasing Pacey. He grabbed Owen as a human shield. Gracie teamed up with Joey. All of them were laughing and having fun.  
  
The scene warmed and broke Emma's heart all at once. She needed to get away from all of them for a little while. Em retreated to her bedroom.  
  
Christmas was rapidly approaching. Jen knew she had to make her move with Ian now or forever hold her peace. She knew he was going home to London. His sister and her family always had him for the holiday. Jen had planned quite the evening in a quiet restaurant. Then they had nightcaps back at his place. It was where she announced the fact that she was falling in love with him.  
  
At first Ian was nervous. Jen anxiously rambled on about how Joey encouraged her and how if she wasn't enough for him she understood. Before Jen got anymore out of her mouth, Ian had placed his over hers and engaged her in a kiss. The rest of the night was spent in a warm embrace sharing kisses. As Jen made her way home happily that night she began to hum an old tune in her head.  
  
Jen burst through her apartment doors. Jack was up wrapping Christmas gifts. She looked to him as she pulled her scarf on and danced around. He looked to her as though she were crazy.  
  
"What's going on? Where were you? Why do you look like that?" He asked suspiciously.  
  
Jen continued to dance about, smiling, humming the tune. "Let's just say my night was wonderful."  
  
"If you keep dancing around and humming to yourself I'll bring you to Bellevue myself." He sighed.  
  
"Oh Jackers." Jen pulled his hand and urged him to get up. "I really can't stay." She sang.  
  
"No." He said sternly looking at her. Grudgingly he said, "But, baby it's cold outside."  
  
"I got to go 'way." Jen twirled him.  
  
Rolling his eyes, "But baby it's cold outside."  
  
"This evening has been..."  
  
"I was hopin' that you'd drop in."  
  
"...so very nice."  
  
Jack: I'll hold your hands, they're just like ice.  
  
Jen: My mother will start to worry.  
  
Jack: Beautiful, what's your hurry?  
  
Now Jack got more into it as they danced and sang at the top of their lungs.  
  
Jen: My father will be pacing the floor.  
  
Jack: Listen to that fireplace roar.  
  
Jen: So really I'd better scurry.  
  
Jack: Beautiful, please don't hurry.  
  
Jen: Well, maybe just a half a drink more.  
  
Jack: Put some records on while I pour.  
  
Jen: You know the neighbors might think.  
  
Jack: But baby, it's bad out there.  
  
Jen: Er, what's in this drink?  
  
Jack: No cabs to be had out there.  
  
Jen: I wish I knew how  
  
Jack: Your eyes are like starlight now.  
  
Jen: to break this spell.  
  
Jack: I'll take your hat, your hair looks swell.  
  
Jen: I ought to say no, no, no sir.  
  
Jack: Mind if I move in closer?  
  
Jen: At least I'm gonna say that I tried.  
  
Jack: What's the sense in hurtin' my pride?  
  
Jen: I reall can't stay,  
  
Jack: Baby, don't hold out.  
  
Jen: ah, but it's cold outside.  
  
Jack: Baby, it's cold outside.  
  
Jen: Ah, but it's cold outside.  
  
Jack & Jen: Baby, it's cold outside.  
  
They fell onto the floor laughing. After Jack caught his breath he looked to Jen. "Now I really want to know where you've been. That was fun and all psycho but I'm starting to feel like we're treading into a very Bell Jar area."  
  
"Very funny. I'm not pulling a Sylvia Plath on you. I'm actually happy. Write that down on the calendar, Jen Lindley is happy." She exclaimed.  
  
"You have much too much holiday cheer. Either you're drunk or you had an orgy with a gaggle of endowed Elves." Jack said.  
  
"Ha, ha. No Elves but I did give them your number."  
  
"So it's option number three. You just spent an evening with a leather clad rock star we both know."  
  
"Bingo."  
  
"And? Why do I ask, obviously it went well or we wouldn't have just transformed into some sort of 1940's musical."  
  
"It went fabulously well. He has feelings for me Jack. We just admitted to each other that we have real, true feelings for each other."  
  
"Whoa. That's great Jen." Jack pulled her into a hug.  
  
"It is, isn't it? I feel so good right now. I have this horrible feeling it's not going to last though. I'm never this happy." She sighed.  
  
"Oh Lord. Stop jinxing yourself. Jen just revel in the moment. We don't get that many times to feel pure, unadulterated happiness...so enjoy."  
  
She let out a shriek. It sounded like something that would've been heard at a slumber party of fourteen year old girls. "I'm so happy Jack. Let's do something."  
  
"Like what Doris Day? I'll put on our NSYNC records, we can dance and eat microwave popcorn until Grams tells us it's time for bed." Jack mocked her.  
  
Jen jumped on his back. "That's it. Now we are gonna find some cheery boy band music and dance until we drop."  
  
Jack got up giving her a piggyback ride. He started toward her room. "I want the cheese popcorn and if we get to choose boys, I have first dibs on Lance."  
  
~*~  
  
Pacey had to go and finish the last of his Christmas shopping. Jo was going to lunch with Bessie. That left Emma and the children. They spent most of the day doing various Christmas projects with her mother. Em got ambitious and decided they could make Christmas cookies.  
  
It turned out the project took much more out of her than she thought it would. Emma had started on her feet doing a majority of the work. An hour and a half later she had to sit and supervise, only getting up to put the cookies in the oven. It was getting close to lunch time and Emma thought she would drop from exhaustion.  
  
"Are you okay Mommy?" Gracie asked.  
  
"I'm okay. Why don't you two each take one of those cookies and sit here at the table. I'm going to make a quick phone call." Emma grabbed the cordless and sat on the steps in the hallway just outside the kitchen. She dialed Doug's phone number.  
  
"Doug Witter," He answered.  
  
"Hi Doug, it's your sister-in-law." Emma said trying to be upbeat.  
  
"Hey Em. How are things?"  
  
"Well at this moment they could be a little better. Are you in the middle of something?"  
  
"No. In fact I have the afternoon off and I was just sitting around here. Can I do something for you?"  
  
"I really, really hate to ask you this but I was wondering if maybe you wouldn't mind taking Gracie and Owen for a little while. I'm here with them today and we were making Christmas cookies. I just took on a little too much and I'm exhausted now." She said feeling horrible. The guilt over the fact that she didn't have the energy for her two children was immense.  
  
"There is no problem with that. I'd love to spend some time with them anyway. Have they eaten yet? I was going to go and grab a burger or something."  
  
"In fact they haven't."  
  
"Give me ten minutes. I'll be there."  
  
"Thank you Doug, thank you so much."  
  
"You don't have to thank me, I really enjoy doing it." With that he hung up. Emma went back out into the kitchen.  
  
"You'll never guess what," She said teasingly with a smile.  
  
"What?" Owen asked.  
  
"Your Uncle Doug is going to come over and take you two for lunch. How do you feel about that?"  
  
Gracie looked down for a moment. Sadness flickered in her eyes. She spoke softly. "I was kinda having fun with you Mommy. We never get to be alone with you anymore."  
  
"I want to stay with Mommy." Owen said following his sisters lead.  
  
Emma sat beside him. She let Owen crawl into her lap and took Gracie's hand. "I love spending time with you guys too. This was so much fun today and I promise we'll do something alone, together soon. But I told Uncle Doug that you guys would love to have lunch with him. Uncle Doug is fun too. And besides think of how lonely he would be without your company. We all have each other and Uncle Doug lives all alone."  
  
"It's true O. We have Mommy, Daddy and Aunt Jo." Gracie said looking to her little brother.  
  
Owen squinched his face up and sighed, "Well Uncle Dougie can have Aunt Joey." Owen was still trying to get used to her presence.  
  
"Owen Douglas Witter." Emma said looking at him sternly.  
  
"Sorry Mommy." He said.  
  
"Alright now. The two of you get yourselves cleaned up so you're ready to go when Uncle Doug gets here." It was only fifteen minutes before Doug was ushering the children out the door and making Emma promise him she would go directly to bed.  
  
After they left she went out to put some dishes in the dishwasher. Her fatigue was growing. As she wrapped the cookies her fingers became clumsy. Emma was beginning to get majorly pissed off. At thirty two most women were excelling at being mothers and here she was progressively getting worse. She wanted to strike out at that moment and hit someone. The anger inside of her gave her some new strength. Emma sent a pot across the room sailing. It hit a wall and fell to the ground with a loud clatter.  
  
"It's not supposed to be this way. I've tried hard to understand your plans for me but I don't, I don't. I can't understand a life where I don't get to see my babies grow up." Now her anger took over as she was screaming to the heavens. "I can't do this, I'm not strong enough to do this. Damn it. I watch them slip away from me everyday. How can I watch that?" Emma now sent the cookie cutters to the same fate as the pot. "I can't bear to lose them. I can't bear to let my daughter get married without me or watch my son become a star athlete. I can't bear the idea that it won't always be me laying beside my husband."  
  
The exhaustion caught up with Emma. She began to fall to the floor as she threw a container of cookies. Em grabbed the counter. It broke her fall a bit. She put her hand over her mouth to stiffle her cry. The emotional strain of her disease was finally catching up with her. She struggled to get up. Her energy was at an all time low. The tears that seized her wouldn't stop flowing.  
  
"Emma. Oh my God, are you okay?" Joey asked in a panic from the doorway of the kitchen.  
  
Emma looked to her in defeat. She slumped back to the floor. Then she put her head in her hands. "Now you know my secret. I'm not as strong as I pretend to be."  
  
Joey looked around at the room. There were assorted cooking utensils and pans on the floor and a small dent in the wall. A tupperware container of cookies laid before her feet. "Come on Emma, let me help you up." Jo could see her trembling.  
  
"Jo, just go okay? I really can't deal with this now. I'll clean this up, just give me a minute. It was my doing anyway."  
  
"I won't just go. Where are Gracie and Owen?"  
  
"With Doug. Imagine that? I couldn't even spend the whole day with my children. I has to send them off and they didn't want to go." This prompted Em to cry harder. Jo began to pull her up. Emma slowly made her way on her unsteady feet to the bathroom. Joey followed her in. Em splashed cold water on her face and then began to slip down to the floor.  
  
Joey noticed and grabbed her from behind. The two women stood frozen, watching themselves in the mirror. "Look at me Jo. Just look at what I've become, I'm a burden. And look at you. You've grown in just a few months into this whole different person."  
  
"Thanks to you Em. I used to live everyday for myself. I didn't have time or care for anyone else. Now I can't imagine a life without any of you." Jo said feeling tears threatening.  
  
Emma regained her balance and leaned against the counter. She faced Jo. "I'm so scared Jo, I'm just so incredibly scared. This will sound horrible but it's not so much about if they can't live without me. Part of me is afraid that they can live without me. How selfish is that? I wanted them to have you. I wanted them to love you and need you. I just didn't expect it to hurt so much. I didn't expect to really die you know? I just thought if I could figure this all out...I don't know Jo. I've been in denial."  
  
"You have more strength than anyone I've ever met. As for Pacey and the kids, they'll never forget you. They have to learn to live without you, it doesn't mean it will be easy. And I thank God for the fact that you asked me to be the one to help. But I'll never be enough, I'll never fill your shoes. You are the center of their universe Em and once your gone it will be like the sun going out. Darkness is going to surround all of us for quite a while. Who the hell says any of what you're feeling is selfish? Is wanting to live being selfish? I hardly think so."  
  
The two women stood in silence for what seemed like a very long time. Finally Emma put her hand out. Joey took it. "I never had a sister until now. Thank you for not leaving me. Even when I get this insane."  
  
Jo only nodded. She helped Emma up to bed. After that she cleaned up the kitchen and resolved to keep the events of that afternoon to herself.  
  
~*~  
  
Dawson had fallen asleep on the plane. He and Andie were on their way to Capeside for Christmas. Their flight had been full. Even first class felt cramped. Dawson took half a sleeping pill and relaxed. He really hated flying.  
  
Andie and Kat played a travel game and chatted with an elderly woman from Texas. Andie knew just how much her husband loathed flying and she let him fall sound asleep. When he finally woke up it was with a jump.  
  
Dawson looked around the cabin and took a deep breath. He had been having the worst dream that he'd downed vodka tonics, did a tawdry rendition of a Randy Newman song, ripped his pants off and then fell unconcious in the aisle. (Thank you John, that is my absolute favorite image of Dawson.) Much to his relief he woke up with his pants on and pride intact.  
  
"Daddy," Kat huffed. "Snap out of the drug induced haze. We're here."  
  
"Kathryn," Andie warned with only one word.  
  
Dawson groaned. "I'm glad I didn't spend my hard earned money on real gifts this year. That coal was much cheaper."  
  
Kat gave a scowl. She didn't believe in Santa Claus but she did love Christmas. "Oh Father. You know that gifts are your way of profit sharing with me. I do earn my keep by entertaining your guests. I figure with all the songs and dances I do at dinner parties you owe me a small fortune in Barbie dolls and bicycles."  
  
"Profit sharing? Next thing she's gonna tell me is that she has legal representation." Dawson said looking to Andie.  
  
"I'm sure Pacey wouldn't mind being her counsel." Andie laughed. She took Kat's hand as the two made their way off the plane.  
  
"You're sure you want another baby? I don't know if I have enough stock option for two children."  
  
"It's a little too late for second thoughts now. I guess you'll have to review your portfolio more carefully Mr. Leery."  
  
"Anything for you." Dawson gave Andie a kiss.  
  
Kat looked back at her parents. She was going to snap off another wise remark until she realized just how cute her mom and dad were together.  
  
~*~  
  
Jen always loved coming home to Grams' house. Although she was once again living in the city in which she was raised, it was Capeside that was home. She and Jack had truly grown up in this house with the love and guidance of Grams.  
  
Jack came into Jen's room. He flopped down on the bed. Jen turned and smiled at him. "What?" She asked noticing he was staring at her funny.  
  
"I was wondering if I get any dirty details of your last hot encounter with Mr. Grant." Jack smirked.  
  
"There are no dirty details. Ian and I had dinner last night. Then I drove him to the airport. It was all purely innocent."  
  
"You're telling me you have no carnal knowledge of the wonderfully muscled Ian Grant?"  
  
"That's exactly what I'm telling you. Sorry to disappoint."  
  
"That definitely squashes the living vicariously through you thing. God Jen you've picked the wrong time to try out that born again virgin crap." Jack sighed. "Did Grams put you up to this?"  
  
Jen sat beside him. Then she gave Jack a punch to the arm. "No. Grams doesn't even really know anything about Ian and I. In fact you're the only one. I haven't even mentioned it to Jo yet. I'm most nervous about that."  
  
"Isn't Joey the one who encouraged all of this?"  
  
"She certainly was. Now that it's actually happened, now that we're sure of our feelings for each other I don't know what to say."  
  
"Just the facts, the truth. That's all that you need to tell Jo. She's your friend and she's loves you. All we've always wanted for each other is happiness, right?"  
  
Jen nodded. "Still Jack telling your best friend that you're head over heels for her ex as she's dealing with impending tragedy and the Christmas holiday is not the nicest thing I've ever done."  
  
"Not the meanest. I mean it was pretty bad when you tried to steal Dawson from her..."  
  
Jen cut him off. "Thank you for reminding me of my slut from hell days. Merry Christmas to you too Quarterback Princess." She rolled her eyes.  
  
"Ouch. You know how to hit where it hurts."  
  
"I'm so glad you could all come." Mitch said as he gave Emma a hug and then shook with Pacey.  
  
"So are we. It's nice to get out and visit." Emma smiled. Mitch took her arm and led her into the room as Pacey guided the children.  
  
Mitch and Gale were throwing their annual Christmas Eve party at the house. It wasn't a huge affair but enough people to fill the house. Pacey was afraid Emma wouldn't be able to handle such a big event. Instead she woke up on Christmas Eve with energy she hadn't had in months. Tonight she looked especially wonderful in black dress pants and a red cashmere twinset. Her weight loss was painfully obvious though. It showed just how frail she had become.  
  
This Christmas was shaping up nicely for the Witters though. Emma was feeling better and her spirits were up. The children were excited and it all made Pacey want to bust with joy. He always knew Christmas was a time for miracles, this proved it.  
  
Joey stood with Jack and had some spiked egg nog. She had gone to church with Mrs. Ryan, Jack, Jen, Bessie, Alexander and Bodie before coming to the party. Jo noted just how good Emma looked. Her beauty was ever present even in the face of this illness. She could still light up a room, forget the room, she could still light Pacey up. He looked like a man who had been on death row but was sent a last minute reprieve.  
  
Pacey's happiness made Joey happy. Gracie made her way over to Jo. "Hi Aunt Joey." She said brightly.  
  
"Hey kiddo. Where's your brother?" Jo asked as she knelt down to straighten her hair bow.  
  
"Probaby being a pest somewhere. Do you like my new dress on me?" She asked a bit shy.  
  
Jack smiled. "Miss Grace I would say you are just about one of the most darling things I've ever seen."  
  
"Thank you." Gracie was full on blushing now. "My mommy looks so beautiful too. Look at her Aunt Jo. She's getting better for Christmas." Joey couldn't help but agree. Of course this precious child had no idea that nothing could make her mother better, nothing short of a miracle. Not that it kept the rest of them from praying for her daily.  
  
Kat approached them with a napkin full of cookies. "Hey Grace." The girls shared a hug. "Look Grandpa gave me all of these cookies. Let's go eat them by the tree and guess all of my gifts." Grace waved goodbye to Jack and Jo and ran off wth Kat.  
  
"Where does that child come from? I can't really tell if she's more Dawson or Andie." Joey laughed.  
  
"No one can."  
  
The night proceeded to go off without a hitch. Pacey and Emma were able to visit with all of their friends. It was great. The gang made arrangements to meet up the next day in the afternoon. It would give them all a chance to open gifts with their families then have a dinner prepared by their very own Joey Potter at the Witter's.  
  
Dawson and Andie knew that tonight was the night that they had to tell Kat about her new sibling. Kat was pretty beat. Grace, Owen and Kat were up past bedtime playing with the one gift they each got to open. They had so much fun.  
  
Andie helped Kat into her p.j.'s. Dawson tucked her beneath the covers. "Did you have fun tonight?" He asked.  
  
"Yes. I love playing with Gracie. Even her little brother is okay. Did you see Grace's Mommy? She looked like she was getting better."  
  
Andie and Dawson shifted their eyes downward. They could only tackle one issue tonight. "Kat Daddy and I have something very wonderful to tell you."  
  
Kat sat up and smiled. "You're putting that addition on my room so I can have a walk in dressing room with revolving racks?"  
  
Dawson laughed and kissed her forehead. "No. Actually we're gonna use that room next to your room as a nursery."  
  
"A what? Why?" Kat questioned.  
  
Andie took her daughters hand. She placed it softly on her stomach. "Daddy and I are going to have a baby. You're going to have a little brother or sister in about six months."  
  
"That's the something wonderful? Who decided that was so wonderful?" She muttered. "Next you're going to tell me Christmas was cancelled and tomorrow is child labor day."  
  
"Kat you're not looking at this in the right light. You're going to have someone to play with the same way Grace does. Won't it be fun to be the big sister, the one in charge?"  
  
Dramatically she put her hand over her eyes. "If you'll excuse me I think I'm getting a migrane. Can we discuss this after the holiday? I'd like to enjoy what's left of my youth." She sighed.  
  
Her parents kissed her on the head and left her room. "Obviously she's thrilled. Glad we decided to break the news tonight." Andie said.  
  
"She'll get over it. Kat just has to get used to not always being in the spotlight. It will be a good lesson for her to learn."  
  
"If it doesn't kill us in the process."  
  
Dawson gave Andie a kiss on the lips. "Amen."  
  
~*~  
  
Pacey was knocked out. They had all gotten home late last night. Emma had promised Gracie and Owen that they could hear him read Twas The Night Before Christmas before bed. The two of them had started to fall asleep before the end. After that they laid out cookies and milk for Santa and then straight to bed.  
  
Instead of going directly to sleep Pacey, Emma and Joey put the gifts under the tree and had cookies and milk. The three talked about happy times they had at Christmas. Pacey honestly couldn't remember any wondeful Christmas' before Emma.  
  
Now he heard little footsteps approaching the bedroom door. He kept his eyes shut knowing it was some ungodly hour. Muffled laughter was getting closer. The bedroom door flew open as Gracie and Owen came in yelling Christmas greetings.  
  
Emma picked her head up off the pillow and smiled at them. "If it isn't my own little Christmas elves."  
  
"Good morning Mommy. It's Christmas." Owen said as she pulled him up onto the bed.  
  
"Daddy are you sleeping still on Christmas?" Gracie asked as she poked him. He turned to her with a wide grin.  
  
"I think you two have made that virtually impossible." He grabbed her into a bear hug and sat her next to her brother on the bed. "Let's see what time is it?"  
  
Emma answered. "Early. It's only five a.m."  
  
"Not that early." Gracie raised an eyebrow.  
  
"Yes, that early. How about we just all lay here for a little while? I'll even put Christmas carols on." Emma negotiated.  
  
"Rudolph?" Owen questioned.  
  
"Yes, even Rudolph."  
  
The two kids laid between their parents. Pacey reached for the stereo remote and flipped on a Christmas cd that rarely left the player at this time of year. The kids lightly sang and giggled. Mostly Pacey just watched them with their mother. She joined them in singing and laughing.  
  
Pacey thought his heart would bounce right out of his chest. He so adored the three of them together. Christmas had always been special for them. When he and Em were first married they spent Christmas in their Boston apartment. It was a great old building with a fireplace. They spent the morning making love and opening gifts. That evening they made a bed by the fire and the tree, put on some soft Christmas music and continued to make love.  
  
"Pace, earth to Pacey." Emma said snapping him out of his trance.  
  
"Sorry. Were you saying something?"  
  
"We were saying feed us Dad." She smiled as she got up and put her robe on.  
  
"That must be my cue to go downstairs and make my world famous pancakes." Pacey grabbed Owen and put him on his shoulders. "You my son are coming to help. Gracie, wanna join us?" Owen and Pacey disappeared out the door and down the hall with Gracie following.  
  
Emma decided to wake Jo. When she got to her bedroom door she lightly rapped on it. "Come in."  
  
Em peeked her head inside. "Morning. I thought I would tell you that Pacey and the kids are downstairs making pancakes if you'd like some."  
  
Jo nodded. "Sounds great. What time is it?"  
  
"Almost six. They were up at five we had to bribe them to wait this long." Em laughed. "I"ll leave you to get up in peace."  
  
"Em can you wait up a minute?" Now Jo was sitting up in bed. Em came into the room and Jo flipped on the bedside lamp. "I have something I want to give you before everyone starts opening gifts."  
  
"Jo you really didn't have to get me anything special."  
  
"It isn't elaborate or anything but I want you to have it." Jo pulled a nicely wrapped gift out from under the bed. She handed it to Em. Carefully she pulled the lid off of the box and looked beyond the tissue paper. Underneath was a large scrapbook. Emma lifted it out of the box and opened the first page. Joey had hand sketched borders or backgrounds around the pictures. Most of them were in black and white. The pictures had been taken since Jo first visit. It was a rarity to see Joey Potter without her camera around her neck.  
  
Emma was so touched. The pictures ranged from black and whites of Pacey napping with the kids on the couch to all of them playing in the water. She felt tears threatening. "Thank you this is one of the best gifts I've ever recieved." Em took her hand.  
  
Jo was choked up herself. "I'm so glad. I just wanted to show you all of the beautiful shots I captured. I wanted you to know that I have so much of your family life on film, you know." Jo said feeling a little like a jerk. She wanted to assure Emma that her childen would always remember how it was when their Mom was alive. The two women shared a hug. It only took them a few minutes to get composed enough to join everyone for breakfast downstairs.  
  
In My Life  
  
Part 3  
  
~*~  
  
"The fact that Joey is making dinner scares me." Jack confided in Bessie who stood in the front room of the Witter house. Joey had promised that she was going to make a wonderful Christmas meal for all of them. With some advice from Emma and a ton of directions from Bodie she was well on her way.  
  
"Bodie has assured me that he only advised her to make very simple dishes. She was never a horrible cook but she was never much of a cook. It runs in the family." Bessie sighed.  
  
Jack nodded. "Speaking of family I haven't seen your son in what feels like forever. Is he floating around here somewhere?"  
  
Bess looked. "There he is. He went to bring in some firewood for Pace. Alexander, when you're done over there come here."  
  
Jen joined them now. "That hunky teenage guy is not little Alexander Dean."  
  
"We're old." Jack sighed. Alex came over and stood next to his mother.  
  
"Need something Mom?" He asked giving Jack and Jen a smile.  
  
"Alex, you remember Jack and Jen don't you. Jen is Mrs. Ryan's granddaughter."  
  
"I do. Beside the fact that you're both kind of legends in our high school, I remember you hanging around with Aunt Jo a lot."  
  
"Legends?" Jen questioned.  
  
"Someone paid $500.00 to kiss you when you were Cheerleading captain. And you were not only one of the best Minutemen but the first openly homosexual football player in all of the state. That isn't something to be forgotten so quickly in such a small town." Alex said.  
  
Jack and Jen looked to each other. It had been a very long time since either of them had thought about those days. After high school those small things just didn't seem very important.  
  
"Ladies and Gentleman, boys and girls of all ages, I'd like to announce that dinner is ready. God help us all." Pacey laughed. It took Emma only a moment to throw a punch at his arm. "I mean God bless us all."  
  
Everyone found seats at the adult table and the children were settled at a smaller table. Everything looked spectacular. Joey was bubbling with anticipation. Finally the plates were full and the grace was being led by Mrs. Ryan.  
  
The sound of silver on good china could be heard. Joey held her breath until Emma covered Jo's hand with her own. Jo looked deeply into her face. Emma's mouth softened into a smile as she tasted the meal.  
  
The ultimate compliment came when Bodie raised his glass. "Here is to the next gourmet chef of Capeside." The rest of the table raised their glasses also.  
  
Joey laughed. "Here is to small miracles." Her heart finally began to beat at a normal pace.  
  
Andie looked to Dawson. "Speaking of small miracles." She said in a low voice.  
  
Dawson took that as his cue. She nodded to him. "Andie and I have an announcement to make." He now had the attention of the room and even the kids table. "Well this has been the hardest secret to keep but it seems to be the right time to announce that we're having another baby."  
  
The room errupted into questions and happy sighs. Kat sat with her head in her hands as Gracie asked her if she were excited. The rest of dinner was full of excitement and joy.  
  
"That was some Christmas, huh?" Pacey asked Em as she sat on the bed.  
  
"It certainly was. I'm so happy for Dawson and Andie." She smiled. "Having a baby is one of the most wonderful things in this world."  
  
Pacey nodded as he sat beside her. "I will never forget when you told me you were pregnant with Gracie. I was so thrilled and so scared all at once. Mostly thrilled though."  
  
"I knew that night that I told you our lives were going to change forever. And she didn't let us down, did she? She made it better than I ever thought it could be. Gracie changed us from the start." Emma couldn't help but to remember how Pacey would come home from work late and lay beside her in the dark. Sometimes he'd talk to her stomach and other times he'd sing some oldies tune. Before they fell asleep they would discuss names and hopes for their babies future. It was a time in their life with so much promise, so much to look forward to, a time when forever was so far off. Much unlike now when forever consisted of just a few months.  
  
"Even more than the pregnancy I remember the birth. That was when the scared part came in. I hated seeing you so uncomfortable. It was all so scary until they showed us Gracie. She was one of the most beautiful sights I've ever seen." He sighed happily remembering.  
  
"Well you were much better when Owen was born. But you did cry like babies when both of them were born. I love that you're so sensitive." Emma wrapped her arms around him. She wanted her children to know these stories she prayed that Pacey would remember every detail.  
  
"So what did Jo say about the whole Ian thing?" Jack asked Jen as they settled back into their apartment.  
  
"Well I kind of mentioned it when she was busy with dinner. But she did stop what she was doing and just assure me that it was okay with her. She didn't seem hurt or bitter." Jen said as she sat back.  
  
"Good." Jack sifted through some folders on the table. "We have three parties going on New Years Eve. Have you checked to see how the teams and coordinators are doing?"  
  
Jen shook her head. "No but I will. I may go and supervise the Rosenblum party."  
  
"Why would you do that? Haven't you made any plans for the holiday?"  
  
"None. Ian is going to stay in London. Looks like I'll be ringing in 2015 with the Rosenblum's."  
  
"Jen why don't you join Sam and I. He's dragging me to this party I really want no part of but if you go it might be more fun." Jack offered.  
  
"Thanks for the offer Jack but I don't think so. I'll probably be more happy working."  
  
Jack shook his head. "Sometimes I sincerely wonder about you."  
  
There were only two days left until New Years Eve. Emma had been looking forward to spending the holiday at home. Christmas had brought a temporary reprieve from all the discomfort and illness she had been feeling. Now though Emma was finding it tough to be up and around for more than an hour or two at a time.  
  
It took a lot but she finally confided to Pacey that she wanted to go see Dr. Bennett. Now they were in his SUV on their way to the office. The car parked in the lot closest to the door. Pacey came around to her door to help her out.  
  
"You okay?" He asked.  
  
"I'm okay." She assured him. Pacey took her arm and led her inside.  
  
"Mr. and Mrs. Witter, Doctor Bennett is waiting in her office. She didn't want you to have to wait." The nurse smiled at the couple as she led them to the office.  
  
"Hello Emma, Pacey." The doctor greeted them.  
  
"Hi." Emma said and Pacey shook her hand. They took a seat.  
  
"Well Emma when you called you said you were losing more energy feeling sicker. Can you tell me about it?"  
  
"I'm just so tired all the time. I do realize that Christmas was strenous but it wasn't that bad. I can hardly be on my feet for more than a few minutes at a time. I have pain and extreme nausea."  
  
Doctor Bennett nodded. "Pain medication is an option. I have nothing that will help you to regain the strength your losing. Deterioration is something that comes along with the progression of this disease."  
  
It pained Pacey to have to ask the next question. "But you gave us six months. Emma should have more time. Will it all be spent like this?"  
  
"Six months is what we hoped for. We can't be sure how much time exactly. You seem to be losing an awful lot of energy and muscle very quick. To me this is not a good sign Emma. You need to stay in bed and relax."  
  
"And what about the pain meds? Would they help me regain more strength?"  
  
"No. They'll keep you from being so uncomfortable. They'll also help you to sleep. Pain medications do have a tendency to make the patient groggy though."  
  
"But she won't be in so much pain." Pacey said wanting to fully understand. He looked to Emma. "I think you should do it."  
  
She shook her head. "Absolutely not. I want to have a clear mind. I have too much to get done."  
  
So there it was. They had gone to see Dr. Bennett and it left them feeling no better. In fact it left Pacey feeling worse. The doctor had insinuated that Emma may not make it her last two months. He was scared as he felt time running out.  
  
~*~  
  
Jack dressed in a black Armani suit with a more casual short sleeved, grey shirt underneath the jacket. On his feet were Gucci slip ons. Jack was nervous. He had no desire to spend New Years without Jen. She would be leaving for the Rosenblum's soon though. Sam would be at his door any minute.  
  
The bell rang. 'Speak of the devil,' Jack thought. He ran his fingers through his hair and went out to the living room. Jen was already letting Sam in through the doors of their co-op.  
  
"You look fab Jen. Great dress, is it vintage?" Sam asked as he kissed her cheek.  
  
Jen closed the door behind him. "I don't have time for vintage. It's that Badgley Mischka I told you I found on the Barney's sale rack. Speaking of looking fab. Check out Mr. McPhee over there."  
  
Jack gave a smile. "Thanks, this old thing?" He and Sam shared a hug.  
  
"Great now I have to walk into a party with you. I can see who'll be making waves tonight." Sam said.  
  
"Get over it Sam. You don't look shabby at all." Sam was dressed in a white turtleneck sweater and grey trousers. He was a handsome man with blonde hair and striking blue eyes. Sam stood at 6'2 and had an athletic build.  
  
"You're going to be more than fashionably late if you don't get moving." Jen said looking at the clock. "So will I."  
  
"Have fun. I'll miss you." Jack sighed as he kissed her on the cheek. "Happy New Year."  
  
"I miss you already. Happy New Year Jackers."  
  
"Alright, alright. Jack kiss your wife goodnight so we can go meet some boys." Sam rolled his eyes as they walked out the door. Jen shut it behind them. She made it as far as the living room mirror to put diamond earrings in when the doorbell rang. It figured that Jack would forget his keys when in a rush.  
  
Jen opened the door. There stood a man in a tuxedo. "Ms. Jennifer Lindley?" He questioned.  
  
"Yuh, yes. Can I help you?" He shook his head and then clapped his hands. A small staff of tuxedo clad men invaded her home. They set up a table, flowers, candles and dinner. "Where is this coming from? I think you're making a mistake? Can someone answer me?" Jen was frustrated.  
  
"No mistake. Goodnight." The crew of tuxedo men vanished as quickly as they appeared. Jen stood next to the door staring at the dimly lit room with the beautiful table and flowers. She jumped when the bell rang yet again. Now she knew that the men had made a mistake and came to take it all back. Some other lucky person was meant for all of this luxury.  
  
Jen opened the door irritated. It all faded when she saw Ian standing before her in a trendy suit holding a bouqet of roses. "Happy New Year."  
  
Her head was spinning. Jen thought that she might pass out for a minute. "Ian what are you doing here?" She asked stunned.  
  
He smiled. "Well I decided that I didn't want to ring in the New Year if I had to do it without you." Jen threw herself into his arms. The two shared a passionate kiss. "Now I know I made the right decision."  
  
"This is the best New Years gift." She said not wanting to leave the comfort of his arms.  
  
"I'm just so glad you think so." Ian was relieved that he didn't come off like a crazy man. He was so afraid Jen would shut him out of her life the way Joey had. He had once cared so much about Jo and he thought she felt the same but she had commitment issues. It took her little time to phase Ian out. Jen seemed the complete opposite. She was open and receptive to his love and he loved to love her.  
  
In Capeside the snow was thick and the air was cold. Pacey had a special night planned for New Years Eve. Joey was going to dinner with Bessie, Bodie, Alexander and his new girlfriend. Pacey hired a sitter for Gracie and Owen.  
  
He now pulled a box out of the linen closet. He'd been hiding it for two days. Pacey burst through the bedroom doors. Emma was sitting in a chair looking through a magazine. She looked up at him with a raised eyebrow.  
  
"Mrs. Witter I demand you open this." He said placing the box in her lap. Emma handed him the magazine.  
  
"Pacey what is this? A Christmas you forgot to give me?" She asked as she began to open the lid.  
  
"Have a little faith."  
  
Emma was now rummaging beneath the tissue paper. There laid the most beautiful satin, copper colored gown. It was a strapless ball gown. Matching shoes were next to it. "What's this for?"  
  
"This is for tonight. We're going out, just the two of us." Pacey said.  
  
"Pacey this is too much. When did you plan all of this?" Em asked in shock.  
  
"Never you mind. Just get yourself all gussied up," He looked her up and down then kissed her lips, "I know that doesn't take much for you." She blushed. "I"ll be downstairs filling the sitter in and getting into my own clothes."  
  
"Give me a half hour." She said as he walked out.  
  
Emma stood up and instantly felt queasy. It didn't matter though. She held the ball gown in front of her as she stood before the full length mirror. Excitement crept into her bones as she immediately began to get dressed.  
  
~*~  
  
Jen and Ian finished dinner. They danced slow and held each other. Jen wasn't sure when they started kissing but she knew she didn't want to stop. Ian was now slowly removing the spaghetti straps on her gown and leaving kisses on her shoulder where they once had been. He looked into Jen's eyes.  
  
"Am I moving to fast?" He questioned in a whisper.  
  
She shook her head. Jen allowed the gown to fall to the ground and she stepped out of it. She took Ian's hand and led him to her bedroom.  
  
Jack was on his fourth glass of Merlot since he'd arrived at the party. He was not having fun. He was even considering meeting Jen at the Rosenblum's but he couldn't reach her on her cell phone. Jack reached for a piece of the wonderful salmon pizza. So far the salmon pizza and good wine was all that was keeping him at the party. It was when he reached for that second hors d'vouere that his hand bumped another gentleman's.  
  
"Sorry," He apologized without looking up first.  
  
"That's okay. I've been pigging out on this all night." The man said in a friendly tone.  
  
Jack looked up to find a handsome man in his mid-thirties. This man's eyes and whole body in fact, took Jack's breath away. "It's delicious." He agreed with him in a rather trance like state.  
  
"I'm Mason Carter." The man introduced himself.  
  
"Jack McPhee. Are you a friend of Roger's?" He asked referring to the host.  
  
"Kind of. I was dragged here by a friend though. Sounds horrible doesn't it?" Mason smiled.  
  
"We're in the same boat. I was going to work tonight instead of come out." Jack shared.  
  
"What kind of work?"  
  
"I'm in event coordinating. I own part of An Event to Remember."  
  
"Wow. I was just at a charity event that your company did. I was quite impressed."  
  
Jack smiled. "Thank you. So what do you do?"  
  
"I have a slightly less interesting job. I'm an architect." Mason said.  
  
"That sounds pretty interesting to me. Have I seen you work?"  
  
"I designed the Delsignore Gallery in SoHo. But that's about it for the city. I do a lot of office headquarters and things like that out of town. I'm with Matthews, Lord and Carter."  
  
"That's the same firm that built the VanHorne home in the Hamptons. It's a french revival I believe. Did you have anything to do with that?"  
  
"I designed that."  
  
The two men were hitting it off fabulously. Jack accepted a glass of champagne and they sat in a corner to discuss design and architecture.  
  
Emma decended the staircase in the front hallway. Pacey appeared in a stylish tux. Gracie and Owen stood next to him.  
  
Gracie took a deep breath in with eyes wide open. "Mommy you're just like a princess."  
  
"You're pretty Mommy." Owen agreed.  
  
Emma was glowing. "Thank you. So what do you think Pace? Is this what you had in mind?"  
  
Pacey had butterflies in his stomach. It was like the first time he'd seen her all dressed up the night of senior prom. "Amazing, simply amazing."  
  
"You don't look so bad yourself." She said as he slipped a coat over her shoulders.  
  
"Now don't cause any trouble for the new sitter, okay?" Pacey said looking to Gracie and Owen.  
  
"We won't." Gracie smiled. "Have fun."  
  
"I'm sure we will. Bye guys." Pacey and Emma hugged the children and said their goodbyes. Pacey drove them to the other side of town.  
  
"So do I get to know where we're going?" She asked curiously.  
  
Pacey stopped the car. "We're here."  
  
"Where is here Pacey? We're in a residential area."  
  
"Right there. I've rented Mrs. Freckling's old house for the night." Now Emma was more confused than ever. "Just trust me."  
  
Pacey led her inside the old house. The place was alive with white lights and white drapings. A table was set with a beautiful feast. Harry Connick Jr. music was softly playing in the background.  
  
"You did all of this?" Emma asked looking around in shock.  
  
"Guilty."  
  
"Pacey this is gorgeous, just gorgeous."  
  
"It pales in comparison to you." He took her into his arms. They kissed. A couple moments later Pacey had a wonderful dinner before them. Emma ate as much as she could to make Pacey happy. They finished the meal with chocolate mousse.  
  
"I thought a little dancing after dinner if you're up to it?" He asked.  
  
Emma nodded. There was nothing on this world or any other that would keep her from dancing with her husband. The music was soft and Pacey embraced her as their bodies slowly swayed to the music. Emma smiled when she realized he was playing the same song they danced to on senior prom night just before making love for the first time.  
  
Girl your lookin' fine tonight  
  
And every guy has got you in his sight  
  
What' ya doin' with a clown like me  
  
It's surely one of life's little mysteries  
  
So tonight I lie, stars above  
  
How did I ever win your love  
  
What did I do, what did I say  
  
To turn your angel eyes my way  
  
While I'm the guy who never learned to dance  
  
Never even got one second glance  
  
Across the clouded room was close enough  
  
I could look but I could never touch  
  
So tonight I lie, stars above  
  
How did I ever win your love  
  
What did I do, what did I say  
  
To turn your angel eyes my way  
  
Don't anyone wake me if it's just a dream  
  
Cause she's the best thing that ever happened to me  
  
All you fellows you can look all you like  
  
But this girl you see is leaving here with me tonight  
  
There's just one more thing that I need to know  
  
If this is love why does it scare me so  
  
There must be something only you can see  
  
Cause girl I feel it when you look at me  
  
So tonight I lie, stars above  
  
How did I ever win your love  
  
What did I do, what did I say  
  
To turn your angel eyes my way  
  
So tonight I lie, stars above  
  
How did I ever win your love...  
  
Just when Emma couldn't imagine a more perfect night the loud crashing of fireworks was heard outside. Pacey took her hand and led her to the huge balcony where they got a good look at the display. They looked as though they were meant only for them and not for the masses celebrating First Night in town.  
  
"Happy New Year my love." He kissed her cold nose.  
  
"Happy New Year." Emma lost herself in his arms.  
  
Jen happily laid next to Ian. She could feel his eyes all over her body but she made no attempt to cover her nakedness.  
  
"You know, I never had any intention of sleeping with you. I was afraid it was too early, that I'd ruin any chance of a future with you." Jen said.  
  
Ian kissed her stomach. "Never. You know I hate the fact that we always feel it necessary to live in other people's timetables. Who knows when it's right for any one person to do any one thing except for that person?"  
  
"I don't know."  
  
"You thought you were ruining our future by sleeping with me. But before we ever laid in this bed I contemplated a future between us. In fact I spent my whole holiday in London thinking about you. The only thing I could come up with is I don't want a future without you. It's your friend Emma who inspired that."  
  
"What are you saying?" Jen asked.  
  
"I'm saying I hope this doesn't scare you off," Ian groped on the floor for his pants and found what he was looking for. "I want to spend eternity and then some with you Jennifer Lindley, I want you to marry me."  
  
Jen was totally caught off guard. This all had to be a bad joke. She couldn't catch her breath. Jen pulled the covers and sat up. "What?"  
  
"Will you be my wife?"  
  
"You're serious? I mean we've hardly been together and you want to marry me? You're serious?"  
  
"More serious than I've ever been in my life." Now they were both crying. Jen put out her hand and Ian slipped on a ring from the 1920's. They embraced each other knowing what they were doing was impulsive but what they truly wanted.  
  
~*~  
  
Jack sipped Moet with Mason and watched the ball drop in Times Square from the windows of the penthouse they celebrated in. The alcohol had taken all inhabitions away so Jack leaned in at the stroke of midnight and initiated a kiss. Mason happily returned it.  
  
"Happy New Year." Jack smiled a bit drunkenly.  
  
"Happy New Year." Mason returned.  
  
The duo had spent the majority of the night talking. Now they stumbled out onto the cold streets of New York together. They walked around as Times Square cleared out and the bars filled.  
  
Mason looked to Jack. "It's pretty damn cold out here. Do you want to go back to my place for some coffee?"  
  
Jack looked to his watch. It was already four a.m. "We're really close to my place. Why don't we just go up there?"  
  
"Lead the way." The two men walked the three blocks to Jack and Jen's co- op. Once in the door they found the remnants of Ian and Jen's New Year's party for two. "Looks like someone had a nice time."  
  
"It certainly does. Although my friend was supposed to be supervising a party for our company." Jack looked around the house. All was quiet. "I'm not going to worry about any of this now. Let's have that coffee."  
  
They went out to the kitchen. Jack ground up some gourmet beans and laid out some butter cookies. "You have a great place here. How long have you been in New York?"  
  
"Since my freshman year of college. I've been living with Jen for forever though."  
  
"That's cool. I never really had a best girlfriend. It must be great."  
  
"It has its perks."  
  
Footsteps approached the kitchen. Both men watched the doorway. Ian appeared clad in only Ralph Lauren boxer briefs. When he noticed other people in the kitchen he blushed a bit. "Hey Jack. Excuse the lack of clothing here."  
  
"Ian? What are you doing in New York?" Jack asked.  
  
"I brought Jen some dinner. I really wanted to celebrate the New Year with her."  
  
"What a romantic." Jack could see Mason was a bit shocked to see a world famous rock star walking around his place in only his underwear. "Oh, Mason Carter this is Ian Grant, Ian this is Mason."  
  
Ian gave a smile and shook Mason's hand. "Nice to meet you," Mason stuttered a bit.  
  
"Are you having a hard time finding the cranberry juice?" Jen asked as she tied her robe coming into the kitchen. She looked surprised to see Jack and Mason. "Uh Jackers you're home and you brought company. Aren't I embarassed."  
  
"Not at all." Jack said. "Jen Lindley this is Mason Carter."  
  
"Nice to meet you Mason. I don't normally look like this."  
  
"That's okay I think you look radiant." He replied. Mason took her hand. It was then he noticed the most exquisite ring. "That is a dazzling piece of jewelery."  
  
Jen's breath caught in her throat a minute. Jack looked to her hand with some confusion. "It is, isn't it?" Jen said looking to Jack. "Well there is no other way to tell you Jackers. Ian asked me to marry him tonight and I accepted."  
  
"You what?" Jack was stunned. He then grabbed Jen into a hug. "Congratualations."  
  
Mason shook with Ian. Then Ian and Jack shared a hug. "Sorry I didn't ask you for her hand first, I planned on it but things got crazy." Ian explained.  
  
"You have my approval, you know that. I'm just so damn excited. Now I get to plan a wedding and not just any old wedding."  
  
It was two days into the New Year. Joey was doing some chores around the house. Emma had been much too tired to come downstairs yet today. Jo made her some toast and brought her juice earlier. Pacey had decided to be the class parent in Owen's class today.  
  
Jo grabbed the towels from all the upstairs bathrooms. She headed into Pacey and Emma's room to get theirs. Emma slept peacefully. When Joey came back out of the bathroom she noticed that Emma's chest wasn't rising as rapidly and her skin was beginning to change color.  
  
She dropped the towels and rushed to her friends side. Joey frantically felt for a pulse. She had one but it wasn't very strong. "Don't you die on me Emma Witter, you hear me?" She said as she reached for the bedside phone. Joey dialed 911. The 911dispatcher took her call and assured her that help was on the way. "Come on Emma you can't do this now. I know you're tired but too damn bad. Fight, get mad at me or something just fight."  
  
It took ten minutes to get to Capeside Memorial. Joey sat in the waiting room as the doctors looked Emma over. The paramedics mentioned that the cancer may affect her breathing and various other functions. Jo had called Pacey on his cell phone. It was a horrible call. He got Gale to sit at the house with the children and he was rushing here to be with Emma.  
  
Pacey burst through the doors only twenty five minutes later. He looked half crazy. "Where is she Jo?"  
  
"In one of those rooms with the doctors." She said. "The nurse will come for us when we can go see her." Joey sat him down and explained what the doctor said about Emma's condition.  
  
Pacey took her hand. "I thank God that you were there and that you're here now." He said in a hushed tone.  
  
Joey pulled him close to her. "I'm never going to stop being here Pace, never."  
  
When Pacey was finally able to go in and see Emma, Joey knew she had to make some phone calls. Her first was to Dawson and Andie.  
  
"Leery Residence, Andrea Leery speaking." Andie answered the phone.  
  
"Hey Andie, it's Jo."  
  
"What's going on Jo? Anything exciting in Capeside?" Andie asked.  
  
"Is Dawson there with you?"  
  
"No he's at the studio. Do you want to call him over there?"  
  
"I really can't. Listen to me carefully Andie. I'm at the hospital. Emma nearly stopped breathing this afternoon. I don't know how long they're going to keep her but from what the doctors have been saying I think we're close to the end." Jo found herself choked up. She could barely get the words out as she wiped tears out of her eyes. "If we all want to spend some time with her I suggest you just pack another bag and head back here."  
  
Andie was in shock. "We were supposed to have more time with her." She was crying now.  
  
"I know."  
  
"We'll be there. Call me if you need anything Jo." The two women hung up.  
  
Andie felt as though someone reached in and pulled her heart out. She dialed Dawson's office. His secretary mentioned he was just finishing up a big meeting with George Lucas. Andie insisted that Dawson not bother to call and to just hightail it home when he was finished. Panic crept in as she frantically packed herself and then Dawson a bag.  
  
"Mommy what are you doing?" Kat asked as she watched Andie speed around the master bedroom.  
  
Andie looked to Kat with tears in her eyes. "We have to go back to Capeside, okay? It's important so I'm going to come help you pack a little bag."  
  
"But Mom we were just there." Kat protested.  
  
"Emma's Mommy is sick in the hospital. Daddy and I need to be there for her." Kat nodded as though she understood and headed to her room to pack.  
  
"Andie, Andie," Dawson frantically began to yell as he ran up the stairs. He was frightened. Memories of the last time he was rushed home in the middle of the day flooded him.  
  
Andie had been having some pain and she called Dawson on his cell. He was on his way home to change for a meeting. By the time he got there she was sitting on the bathroom floor in a pool of blood.  
  
Dawson charged into the room. Andie was packing.  
  
She looked up to see Dawson looking harried running into the bedroom. "Dawson, are you okay?" She asked with concern.  
  
He nodded. "Are you?" He grabbed her into his arms and looked her over. Instinctively his hand went to her now swelling stomach. "And the baby? The baby is okay?"  
  
"We're both fine." It dawned on Andie why Dawson would be so upset. She took his hand. "It's not me or the baby or Kat. Joey called from Capeside Memorial. Emma was admitted this afternoon. She stopped breathing for a while. It looks like things have taken a turn for the worse much quicker than we expected."  
  
"We have to go home. We have to get to Pacey before he crumbles or worse." Dawson knew that his best friend needed him and he needed to be there for him. "Have the arrangements been made?"  
  
"We leave in an hour." Andie rested her head against Dawson's chest. They dreaded this trip home fearing it would be the last one necessary to see Emma.  
  
"I really think you should have let them keep you." Pacey said to Emma. She was propped up against the headboard in their bed. Her blonde hair was pulled back severly and she had dark circles under her eyes.  
  
"No Pacey. I want to be home. I can't stand to be in the hospital more than I have to be." She sighed.  
  
"Can I get you anything?" He asked covering her up with a blanket.  
  
"Gracie and Owen. It's time we've explained this to them Pace."  
  
"Emma I don't know..."  
  
"You don't know? Well I don't know how much longer I'll be here so I'd like to be the one to tell them. Please bring them here, ok." He nodded.  
  
Pacey rounded them up from the front room downstairs. They were coloring with Joey. When Jo looked in Pacey's face she knew exactly what was going on. She braced herself for the fallout.  
  
He explained to the children that Emma wanted to talk with them. They went to the master bedroom. Emma saw the two of them and smiled. "Hey you two. Come sit up here next to me."  
  
Gracie carefully climbed on the bed and sat a distance from her mother. Owen happily bounced on the bed and tumbled into his mother's arms.  
  
"Mommy will you come to school tomorrow?" Owen asked. He missed his mother being a class parent.  
  
"I'm sorry O. I wish I could but I can't." Emma apologized. Pacey sat at the foot of the bed. He felt incredibly sick watching this unfold. Of all he and Emma had to deal with this was the absolute hardest thing. "Do you remember why I can't?"  
  
"Mommy's sick." He sighed sadly.  
  
"Yes." Emma said.  
  
"You're sick with cancer." Gracie added solemnly.  
  
"I am. The cancer has made my body very tired and very sick."  
  
"I don't want you sick anymore." Owen exclaimed.  
  
"I don't either. But I'm not going to get better."  
  
Gracie spoke up now. "You'll always be sick?"  
  
"No. My body is too sick. I'm going to die soon. Do you know what dying is?"  
  
Tears filled Gracie's eyes. Owen yelled. "No Mommy, don't die. Yellow died." He was referring to his grandparents' old dog that he loved.  
  
"You see I have to. I'm going to go to heaven. When I go to heaven my body won't hurt anymore."  
  
"I want to go to heaven with you." Owen cried.  
  
"No, no. You can't O. You and Gracie are going to stay here with Daddy." The room was silent a moment. Emma prayed to God to not let her cry. "Even though I'm not right here with you and you can't see me, I'll be with you. I'll be in your heart and I'll be watching you from heaven."  
  
Gracie leaned over and kissed Emma's cheek. For the past week she had been very quiet. In a low voice she said, "I love you." Then quickly she ran from the room.  
  
Owen allowed his mother to hold him. Pacey sat paralyzed.  
  
~*~  
  
The night in Capeside was extremely cold. Joey warmed herself up a cup of tea. She has just gotten a phone call from Dawson explaining that he and Andie were in Capeside. They would be over in the morning to see Emma. Jen, Jack and Ian were on their way.  
  
Joey looked out to see Pacey sitting on the back porch. Snow was lightly falling. Joey put on her coat and joined him. She put a hand on his shoulder and he looked to her with tears in his eyes.  
  
"Hey Jo." He said softly.  
  
"Hey." She responded not knowing what to say. It was akward moments like this that she hated. "It's kind of cold out here."  
  
"Is it?" Pacey asked. It was as if he was just suddenly realizing it was a cold January night. "I barely noticed."  
  
"Want to talk about it?"  
  
"What is there to talk about Jo? We're losing her and we're losing her fast." His eyes were averted downward. "I always wanted to go first. When I thought about us as very old people one day, I always thought I'd be the one who'd go first. I have never prepared myself to say goodbye, not even now."  
  
"You're never prepared for something like this."  
  
"I feel so utterly alone right now. I'm hanging on to her, hanging on so tightly but it doesn't matter, she's slipping away."  
  
Jo turned him to look her in the face. They were both crying now. "Then you hang on to me damn it. You're far from alone. I'm here Pacey, I'm here and I refuse to leave. So let's just hold on to each other."  
  
Pacey grabbed her into his arms. He burried his face in her neck. "I'm scared, are you?"  
  
"Petrified." She admitted. "I'm afraid of losing her. I'm afraid of how Gracie and Owen will react. I'm afraid I won't be enough. I'm afraid of what I'm feeling with you right now."  
  
Joey couldn't believe what she had just blurted out in a moment of weakness. She thought that Pacey would pull away from her or be angry. Instead he nodded and kissed her lips. She opened her mouth a bit wider to allow him to deepen the kiss. Suddenly Pacey opened his eyes and looked into Joey's angelic face. He pulled away quickly.  
  
"I'm sorry. That should have never happened." He pushed past her and disappeared into the house. Pacey had to get away from her. He now had guilt that he didn't believe was possible on his hands. His wife was laying sick in bed and he was nearly making out with her new best friend.  
  
Joey felt the same guilt that Pacey did. Emma put all her trust into Joey and what did she do? Make a move on her husband the same day that she had to be rushed to the hospital. She dumped her untouched tea into the sink and headed to bed.  
  
She was restless. As hard as Jo tried to banish the memory of Pacey's familiar touch and warm kiss it kept invading her mind. Joey tossed and turned. Her bedroom door opened and light from the hallway poured into the dark room. Joey sat up.  
  
"Aunt Jo, can I come in?" Grace asked standing in the doorway.  
  
"Of course." Joey answered. Grace hopped onto the bed beside her. Joey turned the bedside lamp on. "What's going on kiddo?"  
  
Gracie shrugged. "Can't sleep."  
  
"Sorry to hear that. Are you okay?"  
  
"I'm thinking about Mommy. I don't want her to die." Gracie let a tear slip down her face.  
  
"None of us do. But you're not going to be alone. No matter how much it feels like you're alone, you're not. You have your daddy and all of your Grandparents and Owen."  
  
"And you? You won't leave us will you?" She asked with tears in her eyes.  
  
Joey hugged her. "Never Gracie, never. I promise to be with you as long as I can."  
  
Grace held onto her tightly. "Can I stay with you tonight?"  
  
"Of course." Jo laid down and Grace got beneath the covers with her. They snuggled and in less than a half hour fell asleep.  
  
~*~  
  
"It's the doorbell Daddy." Owen called as he switched the television off. Quickly he ran out to the front hall.  
  
"O, Mommy is asleep, be quiet." Pacey scolded his son. He opened the front door. There stood Dawson, Andie, Kat, Jen, Jack and Ian. "Looks like the gangs all here."  
  
Andie gave Pacey a hug. "We certainly are." They came into the house. "I hope we're not too early."  
  
"Not for the rest of us. Emma's asleep upstairs though." He said.  
  
Joey came down the stairs. This was the first time she and Pacey had laid eyes on each other since their kiss last night. "Actually she's not. Emma would love to see all of you. She's just a little weak so she can't really come down. Jen, Ian from what it looks like you two should go first." Jo smiled as she looked to the engagement ring on her friends finger. It was the first time Dawson or Andie noticed it.  
  
Jen nodded. She took Ian's hand and led him to the master suite. She rapped on the door lightly.  
  
"Come in." Emma's cheerful voice called out.  
  
"Hey you." Jen said as she and Ian walked in.  
  
"Hey yourself. Hi Ian. You'll have to excuse me. I've just been kind of weak. It's hard to do all of those stairs."  
  
"It's okay. We've come to you." He smiled and kissed her hand.  
  
"Spill it. You look like you're going to burst Jen Lindley." Emma knew her friend too well.  
  
Jen had looked as if she were going to burst. That was until she looked to her frail, sick friend laying in bed. It saddened her deep within. "What would you think if I told you that Ian and I were getting married." Jen flashed the ring.  
  
Emma was shocked. "Married? I wasn't really aware you were dating. Congratulations are in order. I'm so happy for you both." Emma hugged Jen as she sat beside her on the bed. She took Ian's hand.  
  
"Em I want to plan a wedding right away. I want you to be there." Jen said. "Ian and I have agreed on that."  
  
"That's really wonderful of you Jen but don't rush this. Having the wedding of your dreams is a right you have. If you get married in two days or two years, I'll be there, you just have to look for me."  
  
Jen had tears in her eyes. "So how did you do it? How did you stay married to Pacey Witter for this long?" She asked with a laugh.  
  
"Looks like a tougher job than it is. Marriage is truly the greatest partnership. Just promise me you'll listen to each other, follow your heart because it's so much stronger than our heads and never take a moment for granted. Every moment should be cherished and engraved on your heart. It seems like these words are the only things I can give you." She said.  
  
"Those words are the truest words I've ever heard spoken." Ian kissed her cheek. "Thank you Emma."  
  
Jen nodded in agreement. "Thank you."  
  
It was then Dawson and Andie knocked at the door. They walked in to see Jen and Ian in tears. Ian wanted to give them some time. "We're gonna go see what the little ones are up to downstairs." Ian said as he led Jen from the room.  
  
Dawson couldn't speak. He never imagined seeing such a vibrant young woman looking so ill. Emma was only a shadow of her old self.  
  
"How are you feeling?" Emma asked as she placed a hand on Andie's stomach. Andie was stunned she felt like that was the question she should have been asking Emma.  
  
"I'm okay. The morning sickness is gone so that's always good."  
  
"Morning sickness was always the worst. Gracie gave me wicked morning sickness and Owen was the source of much back pain. And Dawson, how are you handling all this?"  
  
"Well I forgot what it was like to always be so jumpy and nervous. Every time she moves I..."  
  
"Hovers over me like I'm going to go join the U.S. gymnastics team or something." Andie laughed. The banter between the two women broke the tension in the air.  
  
"Dawson rest assured I'm sure she will not be joining the team. I would ordinarily say Kat should come up and say hello but you'll have to excuse me. I'm not really myself lately. I think the way I look scares my own children, I don't want yours to be frightened."  
  
They nodded. That statement made them both instantly cringe. They couldn't imagine knowing that they scared their child. That the idea of seeing their parent so ill and so weak made them frightened.  
  
Eventually Jack made his way upstairs. He was perfectly content playing with Kat, Grace and Owen. Death and the dying made him nervous, more than that it made him remember. There were too many memories of Chase's last days. Chase was so out of it and in so much pain. It made Jack cringe. With hesitation he opened the bedroom door. There sat Emma. She looked content as she scrawled some words into a floral print book. When she looked up and saw Jack she placed the book on the stand beside her.  
  
"I was hoping you'd come and say hello to me." She smiled and patted the spot on the bed next to her. "Come and sit down."  
  
Jack was trembling. He took her hand as he sat. "Are you okay?"  
  
"As well as can be expected. You don't look okay though Jackers. Something on your mind?"  
  
"This just reminds me a little of Chase." He sighed not wanting to let the tears flow. Emma nodded her head knowingly. She had spent time in New York with the couple when Chase was dying. Jack had needed help caring for him and help to keep his sanity, Emma provided that. "Just as much as I never expected to lose him, I expected to lose you even less."  
  
Now tears were rolling from both of their eyes. "I know, I know. You'll get through this though. And hopefully you'll remember things about me like you do with Chase. My children will need to hear all those embarassing stories from our youth."  
  
He nodded. "I wish I knew the perfect thing to say."  
  
"I wish there were something to say but there really isn't Jack. Say something that will make us both smile."  
  
He thought for a moment. "I met someone, on New Year's Eve."  
  
"You did? What's his name? What's he like?"  
  
"His name is Mason Carter. He comes from the south and he's from old money. He's an arcitect and he is so sweet. I think you'd like him."  
  
"I bet I would. Take a chance on love Jack because we don't get that many opportunities to do that in life."  
  
Jack hugged her close to him. "I will. And I'll know that I have good people watching over me. With you, Chase and my brother Tim on my side I can't go wrong." The two hugged and continued to talk.  
  
~*~  
  
Emma was resting. Pacey went to run some errands. The gang headed out also. Grace and Owen finished their lunch and were now playing in the front room. Joey sat and read an outdated Time Magazine.  
  
A loud thud followed by a scream and a cry came from where the children were playing. Joey ran to investigate.  
  
Emma could hear crying in the distance. It woke her from her sound sleep. Her dreams had been quite vivid lately. She thought it was perhaps a dream or memory from when Owen was sick a while back. Instead it was real. Her heart dropped. It really was Owen and he was calling for her just as he had when he was sick. He was more screaming her name.  
  
Her bedroom door flew open as Gracie came rushing in. "Mommy, Mommy. Owen fell against the coffee table when we were playing. He split his lip open. There's blood everywhere."  
  
Emma swallowed hard. "Is Aunt Jo with him?"  
  
Gracie nodded. "But he wants you Mommy. Let's go."  
  
"I can't Gracie. He's with Aunt Joey, he'll be okay. You go sit with him too."  
  
Grace got a look of confusion on her face but she nodded once and ran off. Emma felt like the worst mother in history. She carefully lifted herself from the bed. It took a lot of effort but she gripped all of the furniture before her. Finally she stood at the door of the bedroom. Joey brought Owen into the bathroom down the hall.  
  
Emma knew in an instant that she really couldn't go to him. She hated hearing him scream her name over and over again. Em had to let go. Joey had to be the one to comfort him. Someday, someday soon, in fact, he'd need someone and screaming her name would get him nowhere. He had to learn to rely on Jo.  
  
She listened carefully as Grace and Joey tried to calm him down. Emma put her back against the wall. She didn't even realize she was crying. Letting go was much harder than she ever expected it to be. It was killing her to sit by as her little boy screamed for her, cried for her. He was scared without her and she was heartbroken without him.  
  
"Mommy!" Owen screamed again. "No Aunt Jo, want Mommy. Mommy I hurt, Mommy I hurt." He kept calling out.  
  
"O, Mommy is in bed and she's asleep. Let's clean this up and then we'll go see her." Joey said trying to comfort him.  
  
He only cried harder. Gracie took his hand. "Owen it's okay. Me and Aunt Jo will make you better." At first that didn't seem to console him. "Baby mine, don't you cry. Baby mine, dry your eyes." Gracie began to serenade her brother.  
  
Joey cleaned him up. He cried during most of it. Then once he was okay he clung to Jo and cried against her chest. His little fists clutched her sweater and soon enough he was sound asleep. Crying must have tired him out.  
  
All the while Emma sat on the floor next to the door. She heard every word of what went on. In her heart she knew that Joey could handle that. She was glad that Owen finally gave into her. At the same time she needed to be the one holding him, singing to him but she couldn't be. Slowly but surely Emma was letting go.  
  
Grams made Jack, Jen and Ian a delicious dinner. Afterwards they did the dishes together and then had hot chocolate in front of the fire.  
  
"So tell me more about your wedding plans." Grams said with a small smile to Ian and Jen.  
  
"Well I don't think we have any real set plans yet." Jen said with a shrug. "We kind of wanted to get married here in Capeside though."  
  
"Really? You don't want to get married in New York?" Grams asked.  
  
"No. New York is full of paparazzi. I've learned to really like just how quiet your town is here Mrs. Ryan. I think that my family will like it too when they come." Ian said.  
  
Mrs. Ryan liked Ian more than she cared to admit. When Jennifer first told her that Ian was a rock and roll singer who wore leather pants she was shocked. She had no expectations of Ian. When she met him though he was charming and intelligent. He was also a devout Protestant and that didn't hurt.  
  
"So we have the wedding here in Capeside in Spring. We'll keep it small and maybe even have it by or on the water." Jack said more to himself than anyone else. Jen could see him deep in thought. She smiled because when Jack thought out a party it was always a major event. She wanted the same care and attention to detail that they used on any client.  
  
The phone rang and it caused them all to jump. Mrs. Ryan picked it up. Jen, Jack and Ian proceeded to talk about the wedding. A few moments later Mrs. Ryan put the phone back down on the craddle.  
  
"Jennifer, Jack I have to tell you something." She said looking a bit sad.  
  
"What is it Grams?" Jack asked with concern.  
  
"It's about Emma." She said getting their full attention.  
  
~*~  
  
Pacey had returned home from his errands only to find Joey covered in blood and scrubbing some of it out of the carpet. She explained that Owen had split his lip on the coffee table after taking a tumble. It all looked much worse than it was.  
  
After looking in on his son who was fast asleep he decided to check on Em. As soon as he opened the door he saw her laying unconscious by the doorway.  
  
"Emma, Em. Come on baby, wake up for me." He said loudly as he picked her up from the floor. No response. He called 911.  
  
That was hours ago. Here he was sitting by the hospital bed. Emma had been out for a while now. Finally she opened her eyes.  
  
Pacey took her hand as she looked to him. "You're okay. You're in Capeside Memorial."  
  
"What happened?" She asked.  
  
"You blacked out. The doctors say you're dehydrated. But you're okay now. They gave you some fluids through an i.v." He kissed her hand.  
  
Emma looked at her surronding. This was the last place she wanted to be when she felt this sick. She looked seriously to Pacey. "Will you get me discharged? Will you do it now?"  
  
"Em you're sick. Dr. Bennett thinks it's a good idea if you stay in the hospital."  
  
She shook her head feeling very anxious. "No Pacey I can't stay here. Forget sick, I'm dying. Please Pacey, I'm begging you to not make me spend any more time than necessary here." A tear fell down her face.  
  
Pacey felt a knot in his stomach. He could see all the fear in her face. The idea of staying in this hospital scared her. He never wanted her frightened. "I'll go get you released. Just relax. I'll be right back."  
  
An hour later they were in his truck on the way to the house. She looked to him. "We have to go somewhere tonight."  
  
"Where? You just got out of the hosptial."  
  
"It has to be just you and me. I don't want to be home all night."  
  
"Okay baby. I'll figure it out."  
  
She took his hand. "Let's go tuck our babies in."  
  
Joey was worried. Pacey called to assure him Emma was okay. She called everyone only after she knew that. Gracie and Owen had cried and been too upset for dinner. She fed them strawberry ice cream and shortbread cookies. They now put on their pajamas, brushed their teeth and prayed that their Daddy would come tell them that Mommy was okay.  
  
It was as Jo was heading up to tuck them in that the front door opened. Pacey and Emma came in. Emma looked tired with dark circles and pale skin. She held on tightly to Pacey, depending on his strength for her every step.  
  
"Hey Jo." She smiled.  
  
"Hey. Are you okay? Can I get you anything?" Jo asked with concern.  
  
"I'm okay. I just wanted to come and tuck the babies in. Are they in bed yet?"  
  
"I was just going to check. They should be."  
  
"We'll go." Pacey said. He and Jo exchanged a common look of worry. He helped Em up the stairs. Just before she got to Owen's room she steadied herself enough to take the few steps to his bed.  
  
"Mommy!" He yelled excited. "You're home. Are you sick?"  
  
"Yes but I feel a little better. How about you bruiser? How's the boo boo?" She asked as she sat on the bed beside him.  
  
"It's okay." He said.  
  
"Good. I came in to say goodnight to you." Emma hugged him close to her and kissed his forehead.  
  
"Goodnight Mommy. I love you." He said with a yawn.  
  
"Goodnight Owen. I love you too." She tried to smile while fighting off tears.  
  
Pacey looked to Emma. She made her way out of Owen's room. He stayed behind to tuck his son in and read a little bit of a story. Em went to Gracie.  
  
"Hey Angel face. Have a little time for your old Mom?" Emma said with a smile from the doorway.  
  
Gracie turned suprised to see her mother standing before her. She had a bad feeling when the ambulance came that it would be the last time she saw her. "Mommy, I missed you."  
  
"I missed you too." Em sat beside her. "I wanted to come in and say goodnight."  
  
"I was afraid I'd never see you again."  
  
Emma's breath caught in her throat. "I wouldn't do that to you Gracie. I'm here now." She looked her daughter in the eyes. "You're so beautiful Grace Isabella. You and Owen are the most wonderful things in my life."  
  
"You're beautiful too Mommy. Daddy says that you're so beautiful you light the world."  
  
"That sounds like Daddy."  
  
"I hope I'm someone thinks I'm pretty like that one day."  
  
"They already do Gracie. I love you angel face." She kissed her cheek.  
  
"I love you Mommy. Goodnight."  
  
"Goodnight Gracie." Emma turned the light off and closed the door. Pacey stood in the hall waiting for her. "So where are you taking me?"  
  
"You'll see. Are you ready?" She nodded and took his hand.  
  
Say goodnight not good-bye  
  
You will never leave my heart behind  
  
Like the path of a star  
  
I'll be anywhere you are  
  
In the spark that lies beneath the coals  
  
In the secret place inside your soul  
  
Keep my light in your eyes  
  
Say goodnight not good-bye  
  
Don't you fear when you dream  
  
Waking up is never what it seems  
  
Like a jewel buried deep  
  
Like a promise meant to keep  
  
You are everything you want to be  
  
So just let your heart reach out to me  
  
I'll be right by your side  
  
Say goodnight not good-bye  
  
You are everything you want to be  
  
So just let your heart reach out to me  
  
Keep my light in your eyes  
  
Say goodnight not good-bye  
  
-Say Goodnight-Beth Nielsen Chapman-  
  
~*~  
  
They drove in a comfortable silence. Pacey knew that Emma wanted to get out of the house. He wanted to take her somewhere that had some meaning. The first thing that came to mind was his father's old fishing cabin. He called his father and asked him to heat the place.  
  
Emma figured where they were going half way there. She seemed happy about it. Once they were there he helped her inside.  
  
"I'm so glad we're here. One of my fondest memories are from here." She smiled.  
  
"Mine too." He agreed.  
  
Pacey and Emma had both been anticpating this night for a long time. Probably since they'd first fallen for each other. Here it was, Prom Night. The dance had been over for nearly an hour.  
  
Emma had been the one to suggest she was ready to consumate their relationship on this important night. The dance had been perfect. Now Pacey suprised her by bringing her to this spot on Lake Willow.  
  
"Whose cabin?" She asked as he unlocked the door.  
  
"It's my father's old fishing cabin." He gave a smile. Pacey opened the door and stepped aside. When Emma walked in the place was covered in flowers and candles. Quickly Pacey let a match and one by one the room came alive with soft light.  
  
"I've never seen anything more beautiful." Emma sighed.  
  
"I wish it were more though."  
  
Emma put a finger to his lips. "I don't need more, I only need you."  
  
They shared a kiss. That night would be the first in the countless number of nights they would spend making love. The next morning they woke up in each other's arms.  
  
The memory was still fresh for both of them. Emma asked, "Can we sit by the picture window? I want to see the show and the lake."  
  
"Of course." Pacey helped her to the couch. Once they were settled he covered her with a throw blanket. "That ok?"  
  
"That's perfect." She laid her head against her shoulder. Pacey dropped a kiss on her forehead. "It's so beautiful. When spring comes you should bring Gracie and Owen up here."  
  
"I will. I think they'd like it." He said.  
  
"You know Pacey Witter if anyone ever told me fifteen years ago that I'd spend the rest of my life with you, I'd never believed them."  
  
"Yeah, I never in a million years thought I'd be lucky enough to marry you."  
  
"I think we both got pretty lucky Pace. I love you."  
  
"I love you too." He kissed her lips.  
  
"You know just because you loved once doesn't mean you never find love again."  
  
"Em please don't do this now."  
  
"There's no other time to do it Pace. Don't close yourself off. You're a young man, too young to write off love. You'll need to be close with someone. Gracie and Owen will need a mother."  
  
"Gracie and Owen have a mother."  
  
"They'll need more than the memory of me Pace. Promise me you'll find someone when the time is right. You don't have the option to lay down beside me and die. You still have so much living to do, don't do it alone."  
  
He nodded. They had come to an agreement without words. Emma laid her head back down on his shoulder. Pacey could feel her yawn. He was tired himself but couldn't bring himself to sleep.  
  
The room was silent. "Do you want to lie on the bed? It might be more comfortable." No response. Pacey looked down to Emma. He lifted her chin and realized she was gone. Immediately tears sprung to his eyes. Pacey pulled her into his arms. "Emma, Em. No God, no. I wasn't ready. I was supposed to have more time." He whispered to the heavens. Suddenly his voice errupted into a primal scream.  
  
There he sat in the quiet holding his love. Pacey rocked her and spoke some hushed words to her. He knew he had to call someone but he wasn't ready to let go yet.  
  
~*~  
  
As I watch you move, across the moonlit room  
  
There's so much tenderness in your loving  
  
Tomorrow I must leave, the dawn knows no reprieve  
  
God give me strength when I am leaving...  
  
So raise your hands to heaven and pray  
  
That we'll be back together someday  
  
Tonight, I need your sweet caress  
  
Hold me in the darkness  
  
Tonight, you calm my restlessness  
  
You relieve my sadness  
  
As we move to embrace, tears run down your face  
  
I whisper words of love, so softly  
  
I can't believe this pain, it's driving me insane  
  
Without your touch, life will be lonely  
  
So raise your hands to heaven and pray  
  
That we'll be back together someday  
  
Tonight, I need your sweet caress  
  
Hold me in the darkness  
  
Tonight, you calm my restlessness  
  
You relieve my sadness  
  
Morning has come, another day  
  
I must pack my bags and say goodbye...  
  
-Hands To Heaven-Breathe-  
  
~*~  
  
Joey sat at the kitchen counter. She was finding it impossible to sleep. Jo fixed herself a cup of coffee and switched on the early news. The house was quiet, too quiet. Jo loved the noise of the children, Pacey on the phone with the office and Emma talking to her.  
  
While listening to the weather report for the third time, Jo heard the front door open and close. She sat frozen in her seat. The footsteps got closer and closer to the kitchen. Pacey walked in by himself.  
  
Jo's heart dropped. She stood. "Where's..." That was all she got out. She could read his face. For a moment she thought she might be sick. Instead she hunched over in pain. Jo's breath was ragged and tears rolled freely.  
  
Pacey was numb. He couldn't move. It was though his feet were cemented. He put his hand over his eyes as he allowed himself to cry.  
  
Time stood still.  
  
Dawson was the first of them to find out. Doug called his father when it happened. He'd spent the better part of an hour staring at Andie in her sleep. Near 8:30 he heard movement downstairs. It was Jen, Ian, Jack and Mrs. Ryan with his parents. He knew he had to wake Andie so he could deliver the news.  
  
Softly he kissed her face. "Time to get up."  
  
Andie groaned. "I feel like I just fell asleep."  
  
"I'm sorry. Everyone is downstairs. We have to go down."  
  
She nodded. Andie got up and put her robe on. "Is Kat still asleep?"  
  
"Yeah. Let's not wake her yet."  
  
Andie sensed Dawson had a reason for leaving Kat to sleep. "Okay." The couple made their way downstairs.  
  
"Good morning." Jen smiled.  
  
"Morning." Dawson and Andie replied in unison.  
  
"So here's what I'm thinking," Jack said as he sat at the table. Andie took a seat beside him. "We eat some breakfast, quickly get dressed, go see Em in the hospital and maybe go play with Gracie and Owen."  
  
"I'm in." Jen said.  
  
"Me too." Andie agreed.  
  
"We can't." Dawson spoke up suddenly.  
  
"What do you mean?" Ian asked.  
  
"Emma was released from the hospital last night."  
  
"Well that's good news. We'll just go to the house then." Andie said.  
  
"Pacey took Emma out to his Dad's fishing cabin. Doug called this morning. Em didn't want to go in the hospital. Seh died about five this morning." Dawson said.  
  
Silence took the room over. It was only interrupted when Gale dropped the plate she was holding. It crashed to the ground loudly and smashed into a million pieces. Jack pulled Jen into a hug. Dawson did the same with Andie. Tears and sniffles went all around.  
  
Kat entered the kitchen unnoticed. She saw all the grown ups were sad and crying. "Why is everyone sad?"  
  
They all looked to the little girl. A collective groan was heard as they all realized they'd have to share the bad new with her.  
  
~*~  
  
Owen woke up around nine a.m. The house was quiet. He got out of bed and then went to take care of any business in the bathroom. After washing his hands he headed into his mother's bedroom. She wasn't laying in bed. He decided that she must be having breakfast with Daddy downstairs.  
  
Before going down to see her he wanted to wake Grace up. Without knocking he went into her bedroom. There she laid in a peaceful slumber. "Gracie, Gracie. Get up." Owen gave her shoulder a nudge.  
  
"What O?" She asked less than cheerful as she slowly opened her eyes.  
  
"It's morning, time to get up." He said.  
  
Gracie yawned. It had taken her a long time to find sleep last night. She was still a little tired this morning but she wanted to get up. Her pink robe was hanging by her door. Gracie slipped into it and followed her little brother down the stairs closest to the kitchen.  
  
The kitchen was as quiet as the rest of the house even though Daddy and Aunt Jo sat at the table together. They were silent and unmoving. Both of them had puffy, red eyes. Gracie wanted to speak but she felt the impending doom in the room.  
  
"Where's Mommy?" Owen spoke up confused by the whereabouts of his mother.  
  
His voice seemed to shock both Pacey and Joey. They both jumped at the sound of the little boy's voice. Dread filled them as they realized the task that was before them. "Come here kiddo." Pacey extended his arms to his son. "Gracie you come sit next to Daddy too."  
  
Reluctantly Gracie sat in a chair between Jo and Pacey. She folded her hands in her lap and took a deep breath. "What's wrong Daddy?" She asked not really wanting to know.  
  
"Mommy was very sick yesterday, remember?" They both nodded. "Well she came home and tucked you guys in and then she wanted to go for a drive. I took her to Grandpa Witter's old fishing cabin on the lake. We watched the snow and the water. Mommy fell asleep and she didn't wake up. Mommy went to heaven."  
  
The room was silent for a moment. "I want Mommy. I want to see Mommy." Owen said as tears began to roll.  
  
"I'm sorry buddy but you can't. Mommy died and went to heaven. She's not coming home." Pacey cried with him and held the boy tighter.  
  
Gracie sat very still as the world spun around her. It almost felt hard to breathe in the kitchen. Tears stung the back of her eyes until they finally began to fall. "Can we see her? Can I kiss her face and tell her I love her?"  
  
Joey put an arm around Gracie. "Your mother knows just how very much you love her. The people who take care of the funeral have your mother's body. We can't see her just yet." Jo said in a quiet voice.  
  
Owen was still crying out for his mother. Pacey cooed and tried to soothe him. He held on to the boy and Owen clutched him tighter. "I want Mommy. I don't want Mommy in heaven."  
  
"I don't want Mommy in heaven either O."  
  
Gracie witnessed this scene unfold before her. She felt a deep down sickness in the pit of her stomach. Her Aunt Jo's cool touch on her warm skin, tingled and almost hurt. She couldn't stand to be comforted, not now. Without excusing herself she got up from the table and walked out of the kitchen.  
  
"Gracie where are you going sweetie?" Jo called after her.  
  
"I just have to go." Gracie explained as she made a fast exit.  
  
Owen fell asleep in Joey's arms as she held him tightly. They were in the living room and Jo rocked him like a baby. He cried himself sick until he finally found sleep. Everyone was still in their pajamas. The day was a blur. Pacey went upstairs to his bedroom.  
  
Pacey was staring at the unmade bed. He held one of Emma's sweaters close to him. It was there sitting in the darkness he knew he had to make an attmept with Gracie. He wouldn't allow his daughter to shut down or shut him out.  
  
After a little searching he found her in the spare room. In that spare room there were a few bookshelves covered in old paperbacks, hard covers, yearbooks and photo albums. The storage boxed contained old clothes and blankets. The room had become a catchall for things that no longer had a place in the rooms of the house.  
  
Gracie sat in an old recliner that Pacey refused to throw away. She had a photo album spread out on her lap. Her small fingers traced the outlines of some of the figures on the pages. Standing in the doorway staring at the beautiful blonde child Pacey felt as if he were staring at Emma. She was truly the spitting image of her mother. Her soul was just as pure and caring.  
  
"Can I come in?" He asked in a soft tone. He didn't want to startle her.  
  
Emma shrugged. "If you want." She didn't look up from the book.  
  
Pacey knelt beside her. "I know you're sad right now. I understand that, I do. I miss Mommy so much already."  
  
"I don't get it Daddy. Why would God want my Mommy? Owen and I need her here." Gracie looked into his eyes finally. He could see her tears.  
  
"I don't understand it myself Gracie. It has to do with God's plan, something that is bigger than us."  
  
"Did it hurt her? Did she hurt or cry?"  
  
"No. Mommy was laying in my arms and she fell sound asleep. She didn't hurt or cry."  
  
"I'm scared without her. I've needed Mommy for everything. And Owen needs Mommy too."  
  
"We all need her. We're going to have to learn to rely on each other now. I know it doesn't seem like it now angel face but we're going to make it, we're going to be okay." Pacey promised her as he took her into his arms.  
  
Gracie buried her face in his shoulder. She let the tears flow, full force. Pacey only held on to his little girl tighter. This was only the beginning of their grief. The road to normalcy would be a long one. When Pacey looked into the future he could only see black, he didn't imagine one without Emma. He knew now that he had to learn, if not for his sake then for Gracie and Owen.  
  
Amazing grace, how sweet the sound  
  
That saved a wretch like me.  
  
I once was lost, but now I'm found.  
  
Was blind, but now I see.  
  
'Twas grace that taught my heart to feel  
  
And grace my fears relieved.  
  
How precious did that grace appear  
  
The hour I first believed.  
  
When we've been there ten thousand years  
  
Bright shining as the sun,  
  
We've no less days to sing God's praise  
  
Then when we first begun.  
  
Amazing grace, how sweet the sound  
  
That saved a wretch like me.  
  
I once was lost, but now I'm found,  
  
Was blind, but now I see .  
  
The church was dressed in beautiful lillies. Candles illuminated the pulpit and sat atop the piano at the front of the church. Emma's casket was closed and covered in flowers as white as the snow outside that morning.  
  
Jen and Jack took care of funeral arrangements with Emma's mother, Clara. Everything was set, right up to the reception afterwards. They would be going to Leery's Fresh Fish.  
  
The soloist finished singing Em's favorite hymn. The minister took his place at the pulpit and began to speak about how Emma was a faithful member of the flock. He spoke kind words and added thoughts and prayers for Pacey, Gracie and Owen.  
  
It didn't make him feel any better though. No words spoken could bring Emma back or make him forget all of his pain. All this talk of rejoicing in the fact that Emma is with her maker made him sick. He hoped God would understand that he wasn't much up to rejoicing. Instead he worked hard to stay strong and comfort Gracie and Owen, the only things in his life that mattered.  
  
Finally the painful service ended forty five minutes after it began. Pacey watched her coffin marched out of the church. He took one last look at the large, framed photo of Em. She looked so happy. The picture was from a family vacation to the Cape. She was dressed in capri's, wearing a bucket hat and happily standing in the waves. That day seemed a world away from this one.  
  
Gracie squeezed Pacey's hand. She was trying to signal to him they had to leave their pew and walk behind her mother. Joey followed them with Jack at her side.  
  
After standing graveside in the snow they gathered at Leery's. People ate and talked in hushed voices about her cancer or smiled and tried to remember all the wonderful times. Pacey was numb to it as he tried to urge the children to eat. It had been four days and in that time he hadn't been able to get Grace and Owen to sit at the table for more than toast or a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.  
  
Emma's mother approached Pacey. "How are you holding up?" She asked and took his hand.  
  
"I can honestly say I've been better." He tried to smile.  
  
"I know. Listen you have two refrigerators full of casseroles at the house. Why don't you let me take these tired babies home and I'll make sure they eat." Clara said. He knew she was right.  
  
Pacey nodded. "Sounds good. I'll meet you guys home then after I wrap things up here." He turned to the children. "Hey you two, Grammy wants to take you guys home."  
  
"No, don't want to leave Daddy." Owen protested.  
  
"I'll be right home. You guys can go home and have your dinner. Then maybe Grammy will let you put a video in."  
  
Gracie looked up to see her Grandmother and her Aunt Jo. "Aunt Jo, I'd like to go home. I don't want to be here anymore."  
  
Joey nodded. "I know. Let's get your coat on." She took both of the children's hands and led them to the coat room. Clara helped and put the kids in the car. Joey returned to the restaurant.  
  
"Can I get you anything?" She asked Pacey.  
  
"Peace and quiet would be nice." He said with a sigh.  
  
"Why don't you get out of here."  
  
"I don't think that is appropriate behavior for the widower." It pained him to say those words.  
  
"I didn't know their was proper ettiquette for this kind of thing. Beside the place is starting to clear out. Just go. I'll meet you at home later."  
  
Pacey kissed her cheek. He was relieved to have Joey around. Pacey grabbed his coat and walked out the door. He found himself walking the cold streets. Eventually he ended up on the porch of Emma's mother's old house.  
  
"I remember how you'd walk me home from movie nights at Dawson's. And I even remember the exact moment I fell in love with you." Emma said from where she sat on the porch.  
  
"What moment was that?" He asked.  
  
"The night I found you drunk on the docks, by your boat. You told me about you and Andie and you and Joey. You confided to me about how much you hated being the black sheep of your family. I felt like I understood you in an instant." She sighed.  
  
"I think it happened for me the day after. You were sound asleep on the lounger on this very porch. I crashed into the metal watering can and woke you up. We talked for hours until it was dark. I loved you more than I cared to admit." Pacey said.  
  
"Don't forget those moments Pace. Hold them close but move forward." She kissed his cold face. "Love me but move forward."  
  
He felt the love. When he opened his eyes Emma was gone. He knew she was a figment of his imagination or a vision from God but her presence beside him wasn't real. Reality said she was gone on earth but never in his heart.  
  
Over Mountains  
  
Over Trees  
  
Over Oceans  
  
Over Seas  
  
across the desert  
  
I'll be there  
  
In a whisper on the wind  
  
on the smile of a new friend  
  
just think of me  
  
And I'll be there  
  
Don't be afraid, oh my love  
  
I'll be watching you from above  
  
And I'd give all the world tonight,  
  
to be with you  
  
Because I'm on your side,  
  
And I still care  
  
I may have died,  
  
but I've gone nowhere  
  
Just think of me,  
  
And I'll be there  
  
On the edge of a waking dream  
  
Over Rivers  
  
Over Streams  
  
through Wind and Rain  
  
I'll be there  
  
Across the wide and open sky  
  
thousands of miles I'd fly  
  
to be with you  
  
I'll be there  
  
Don't be afraid, oh my love  
  
I'll be watching you from above  
  
And I'd give all the world tonight,  
  
to be with you  
  
Because I'm on your side,  
  
And I still care  
  
I may have died,  
  
but I've gone nowhere  
  
Just think of me,  
  
And I'll be there  
  
In the breath of a wind that sighs  
  
oh, there's no need to cry  
  
Just think of me,  
  
And I'll be there  
  
***THE END*** 


End file.
